Physical Versus Mental Illness

                  Most of my life has been spent living with mental illness.  I know the ups and downs well.  The loneliness of mental illness is something I have felt intensely.  I have often hidden my mental illness to protect myself from stigma.  The platitudes that are spoken when someone finds out I have depression are seared into my mind.  Living with mental illness has frequently been a solitary battle.  Many times, I have feigned a physical illness to hide my mental illness from people who just don’t understand. 

                  I shouldn’t need to hide my mental illness.  No one should. Unfortunately, the society we live in still doesn’t understand that mental illness is an illness.  I will acknowledge that society has come a long way.  It is easier now than it was 30 years ago.  Still, it is a challenge to live with mental illness.

                  People understand when you have a physical illness.  When you are in bed with the flu, people will text you and tell you to feel better.  People are quick to assist someone in a cast or on crutches.  Sometimes flowers are sent, or a meal is brought to you.  These things usually don’t happen with mental illness. Often, people who know exactly how to empathize with someone who has a physical ailment, lacks the words to say to someone struggling with a mental illness like depression.  

                  I have experienced this discrepancy firsthand.  When I was diagnosed with cancer, I heard from so many people.  People rushed to help me.  People asked what they could do to help me.  Don’t get me wrong. I am very grateful for this.  I just wonder why the reaction was so different from my depression. Cancer and depression are both debilitating illnesses.  They both have left me fighting for my life.  Yet they are treated very differently.  

                  Maybe some of the difference lies in the visibility of the two illnesses.  Both are inside of me, but the cancer has outward signs like my hair loss, my weakness, and the changes to my skin.  Depression’s outward signs can be mistaken for me being quiet.  These two illnesses present themselves differently.  People know that cancer is a killer.  The mere mention of the word scares people.  The ability of depression to kill is often misinterpreted as a choice.  That couldn’t be further from the truth.  As someone who has struggled with suicidal thoughts, I can attest to the lack of choice I have over those thoughts.  

                  People hear that you have cancer, or another physical illness and they want to help.  When people hear that you have a mental illness, they often turn away because they don’t understand.  For us to reach a point where mental illness is treated with as much empathy as physical illness, we need to increase knowledge about mental illness.  In my case, I accept some of the blame.  I am guilty of hiding my mental illness.  I have covered it up by blaming something physical.  That doesn’t help grow understanding.  Over the years, and especially this past year, I have learned that I must be open about my mental illness. There is no reason to hide it.  As I have fought depression and cancer side by side, I have learned that both need attention; both require treatment. I know that both cancer and depression can take my life.  Some people in my life understand that I am battling two illnesses. They have been by my side and supported me in both battles.  My wish is that all people who are struggling with mental illness receive the support and understanding they need.  

                  People send cards and flowers when you have a physical illness.  It is time we normalize sending tokens of encouragement to people living with mental illness just as we would when they are living with physical illness.  For this to happen, people living with mental illness need to be willing to be more open.  They don’t have to share every aspect of their illness. It is enough to just acknowledge it.  I don’t tell people everything about my mental illness just as I don’t tell people everything about my cancer diagnosis, but I do acknowledge both.  Acknowledgement can go a long way towards encouraging support and understanding.  Illness, whether physical or mental, does not need to be battled alone. 

                  If you know someone who is living with illness, whether physical or mental, reach out to them.  Send them a card. Offer to help them with something.  Maybe just sit with them and be present. Ask them how you can support them.  Knowing someone cares will go a long way for someone living with illness.