Self-Compassion for Depression

                  Depression tears people down.  We live with painful thoughts.  Our minds often fixate on the negative. We tend to see darkness all around us.  Living like this is not easy.  Therapy, medication, and alternative treatments help, but depression is always lurking. How do we live with this darkness?  How do we get through our day-to-day lives? Having a support person or team helps, but we need to play a role in our healing, too.  One of the most effective ways to do this is practice self-compassion.

                  What is compassion? The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines compassion as “sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.”  Most people are able to show compassion to others.  The difficulty arises when we need to show that same compassion to ourselves.  I know I struggle with being compassionate toward myself.  I don’t give myself the grace I need to feel good about myself. Depression tries to quash self-compassion. It fills us with negative thoughts; tells us all that is wrong with us. How do we learn to be show ourselves compassion?  I wish I had an easy answer. If I did, I would be better at talking back to my depression.  

                  I think self-compassion starts with how we talk to ourselves.  Practicing positive affirmations can be helpful with this.  I think it is helpful to write these down, perhaps on sticky notes.  That way you are reminded to use the affirmations.  I am not very good at this.  My mind gets going and I struggle to talk back to it.  I am going to try to place some affirmations around my house today. Realistically, I’ll probably only write a three or four, but that is a start. 

                  We need to acknowledge the painful thoughts that enter our minds. As we do this, we need to be kind to ourselves.  Perhaps, say something like, “I know I am struggling right now, but I am worthy of kindness.” No matter what our depression says, we do not deserve to feel bad.  We need to tell ourselves that we deserve love from ourselves and others. 

                  Talking back to the negative thoughts is hard.  I believe this is true for everyone no matter how confident they are.  It is especially hard for those of us who live with depression.  The voice of depression can be loud and domineering. But what if talking back to it could confuse the depression?  Would that quiet the depression enough for us to say something compassionate to ourselves? It is worth a try. 

                  Many of us have heard the advice, “be your own best friend.” On the surface this has always seemed like trite advice to me.  However, we really do need to be our own friend.  If we are going to talk to ourselves, we should talk to ourselves with the same compassion we would use when talking to a friend.  We deserve that compassion. Most of us would give a friend the grace to make a mistake or to feel down.  Why is it so hard to give ourselves the same grace? I wish I had an answer.  I just know that despite how hard it is, we need to find a way to do it. 

                  Self-compassion might be as simple as saying to ourselves that it is okay to feel the way we do.  When we talk to our mental health provider or take our medication or receive an alternative treatment, we are practicing self-compassion because we are doing what we need to do to fight the depression.  How much more powerful would these healing tools be if we also accepted our feelings without judgement?  

                  I have been working on talking back to thoughts in my head.  It is hard work, and I am not always successful.  Still, I keep trying.  I would encourage a friend to have positive thoughts.  I must do the same.  I try to find the good in a loved one.  I need to find the good in myself.  Depression is going to try to get in the way.  That is okay.  We need to keep getting back up.  There is a saying about it not being how many times you fall, but how many times you get up. 

                  Let’s give ourselves the gift of self-compassion.  Embrace yourself as you would embrace a loved one.  Remember, you are not your depression.  Depression lies.  That is how it controls us. Giving ourselves grace and love can fight the depression.  It can show us that we are worthy humans who deserve to feel good about ourselves.