A Light in the Darkness of Depression

                 When depression first entered my life, I was in my early teens. I didn’t know what was happening or how to cope with it. Depression was just there, blanketing my entire life. A darkness spread over me. That darkness has been a part of my life ever since. It has been a long process, but I have learned to better cope with the darkness of depression. It is by no means easy. At times I really struggle. However, I now have an understanding I didn’t have all those years ago when my battle began. 

                  For me depression is a darkness. For most of my life that darkness was all I could see. Hope was missing from my life. I did not know how to find the holes in the darkness. I did not know how to let the light in. I wrote a lot about depression; created a metaphor in which depression was the darkness and light was the healing. This made sense to me. My metaphor gave a concreteness to my depression that I could explore. My poetry books Curative Quest and A Light Amidst the Darkness explore the darkness of depression and the light of healing. I found healing in writing the poems as it allowed me to name the depression and to visualize healing.  

                  In exploring the darkness of my depression, I have learned a lot. One thing I have discovered is that depression’s darkness is a shadow. At times the shadow only partially covers me. Other times it envelops me. Shadows cannot exist without light. This is a scientific fact. What does that mean for depression?  Through therapy, work with my mental health team, and writing I have discovered that since depression is a shadow, it cannot exist without the light of healing. Even when depression is at its darkest, there is still a light hidden in the shadows. That light is healing. It comes in different forms for each of us. The light might be a caring loved one who sits by your side. It might be a medication that lifts the depression. It could be a treatment, such as TMS, esketamine, or ECT. Therapy might be the source of the light. I have found light in my mental health team and the treatments I receive for my depression. Light exists in different places. We need to look for it. At times it will feel like all the lights have been extinguished, but there is still a flicker hiding somewhere. 

                  Writing has ushered the light of healing into my life. I have gained an understanding of my own darkness by writing about it. The written word has allowed me to connect with others who struggle. Writing has enabled me to better share my feelings with my mental health team. For me the light of healing is often found in writing. Where is it for you? Maybe it is in exercise, art, music, volunteering, or gardening. It could be hiding where you least expect it. But I believe it is there. I must believe in the light. If I didn’t darkness would extinguish me. 

                  It may seem like I am saying that finding the light of healing is easy. It is definitely not easy. It takes effort, which we often struggle with when the darkness of depression is strangling us. I believe the light is out there even if it is just a pinpoint. At times I need reminders that it is out there. It is okay if you need those reminders, too. Think of the night sky on a clear evening. Everything is dark, but stars twinkle on the black canvas. That is our depression. It is darkness, but there is a twinkling of stars. Eventually, the sun rises and there is light. The cycle of a day is strong metaphor for living with depression. There are times of darkness (night) and times of healing (day). When it is dark reach out for the stars and hold on to them. 

 

Contest:

I am looking to increase readers and engagement on my blog. If you comment on this post, you will be entered into a drawing. The winner will receive a copy of one of my poetry books (your choice between Curative Questand A Light Amidst the Darkness) and a $20 Barnes & Noble gift card. The drawing will be held on Saturday, July 27^th at 5:00 pm. Check back at 5:15 pm that day to see if you won. You need to include your name on your comment so that I can identify a winner.

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