EGBOK

                   Last year I learned something from Stephanie, the psychiatric nurse practitioner who has overseen my treatment with esketamine and TMS (and has written guest posts on my blog (Gardening the Mind -Esketamine Treatment and Renewed and Recharged - TMS) She taught me to remember this simple acronym: EGBOK. It stands for “Everything’s Going to Be Okay”.  She shared this with me at a time when I was really struggling with depression. It was just before my cancer diagnosis. EGBOK took on even more meaning for me as I battled both my mental illness and cancer. When you fight illness, whether mental or physical, you spend a lot of time worrying about the worst. Often, you feel like you won’t get better. Over the past year I have had to fight hard. EGBOK has carried me through my battles.

                  On the surface “everything’s going to be okay” seems like simple advice, but it is really quite deep. Its deepness lies in its simplicity. When I am reminded to focus on EGBOK, I can take things down to a basic level. It allows me to focus on one thing, the fact that I am going to be okay. I don’t need to focus on the darkness of my depression or the seriousness of my cancer. I tune my mind into one thing, being okay in the moment. If I take things one moment at a time, I am better able to cope. I am learning to focus on being okay in the moment. I’ll admit that I need help remembering this at times, but that is okay. We all need help at times.

I have learned that depression is going to run its course. It is going to cause me to experience darkness and make me want to give up. In those moments I need to allow my mind to see EGBOK. The letters are a light giving me hope. At times I become overcome with depression. The darkness becomes too much for me. If I reach out to Stephanie in these moments, she reminds that everything’s going to be okay (EGBOK). Those five letters remind me to take a deep breath and trust in my healing. 

                  The same thing happens when anxiety about my cancer builds up. I need to trust that everything’s going to be okay. I have a medical team that is doing everything necessary to bring me healing. For that reason, I can believe in EGBOK. I often worry that scan results are going to show new tumors. I am learning that even if the results show tumors, my doctor is ready. Everything is going to be okay. Even if I need chemotherapy again, I am going to be okay. I just need to be ready to fight and believe that I will be okay. 

                  EGBOK doesn’t mean that I can always do it on my own. Rather, I often need to accept the help of my mental health and medical teams. I need to trust that with them by my side I am going to be okay. 

                  What do you do if you do not have a team or others you can rely on? That is a difficult question. Even though it can be hard, I believe reaching out is a key to healing and being okay. Maybe you can join a support group. NAMI has groups and classes for mental health. I have found support in NAMI. There are support groups for physical illnesses. I attend a support group through the Cancer Support Community. We can all find a way to be okay. That doesn’t mean the illness will go away, but we can come to terms with it, learn to battle the illness, and live our best lives. 

                  Even though I understand EGBOK, I still need reminders. That is okay. We are not alone in this world. We are not alone in our illnesses. At times we are going to feel like we are alone. In those moments, we need to remind ourselves that everything’s going to be okay. Maybe write EGBOK on a Post-It note and stick where you will see it. I wear a bracelet that Stephanie gave me with EGBOK engrained on it. Let EGBOK serve as a reminder that you can get through whatever you are facing.