Experiencing a Red-Letter Day

                  Living with depression and cancer I find that my days are often difficult. I feel down and have a hard time seeing the good in my day. That is part of the nature of depression. Sadly, I am very used to my days being like this. Last week I had a day that was very different. I would even describe it as a red-letter day. A red-letter day is a day that is special, happy, or memorable. 

How did this red-letter day break through my depression? I woke up earlier than usual because it was a treatment day. Those days usually remind me that I am battling cancer. I am doing well in my battle, so treatment days have become easier, but they are still tough.  Shortly after getting out of bed, I checked my email. There was an email from a cancer website that I had submitted two essays to a couple weeks earlier. The email stated that both of my essays had been selected for their website. I had to read it twice to believe it. These two essays were my first submissions, and both were selected. I quickly clicked on the link. My words were on the page. Two essays chronicling my fight with cancer. The second essay shared how my depression and suicidal ideation impacted my cancer fight. 

Writing has always been an important part of my life as I have explained on this blog in the past. It has been a part of my healing toolkit. Having my writing selected for a website was a big step for me. The importance struck me as I read my words. I couldn’t wait to share this with my aunt who was taking me to treatment. She knew how much this meant. I was beaming when I told her. Beaming is not a word that would normally be used to describe myself. Sunshine was breaking through my clouds of darkness. My aunt pointed out the smile on my face. I walked into treatment smiling. Since my essays shared my experiences with those who care for me during my treatment sessions, I excitedly gave them the link. I shared it with my mental health team by email while I was receiving the infusion. For the first time in a long while, I experienced what it means to be on cloud nine. 

This red-letter day has given me encouragement to continue writing my story. As I sit here writing this post, I know that my words can reach people. My hope to write a memoir about this battle I have been waging is a real possibility. Experiencing this success has encouraged me to keep writing. I think encouragement is the key outcome of this red-letter day. Even though times get dark because of my depression, good days are possible. I now understand that I need to embrace these times when they come. 

In all honesty I will share that an email later in the day with an abnormal test result threatened my red-letter day. I almost allowed an email that did not contain specific information to steal my joy. Unfortunately, a lifetime of depression has taught me that the negative is always lurking. I needed help to push this result out of my mind. There was nothing I could do with it when I received it. I knew I would need to wait for my medical team to handle it. I am grateful that I had someone there to remind me it was a red-letter day, and I couldn’t allow a negative to steal it from me. 

That’s the thing about red-letter days. We must embrace them when they arrive. They don’t come often and if we allow negatives to interfere, we are missing out on moments that can have a positive impact on our mental health. Red-letter days are not going to permanently erase depression, but they can help lift it for a while. 

If you are interested in reading the essays that led to my red-letter day, they can be found at this link: 

https://www.curetoday.com/view/dancing-through-breast-cancer-taught-me-to-live