Success Despite Depression

                  Yesterday one of my cousins asked me why I don’t share my successes as a person with depression with as much passion as I share my struggles. I paused to think about that statement. My cousin pointed out that despite my depression I have accomplished a lot, and those accomplishments might inspire others. As I pondered her comments, I realized I really have accomplished many things that I should be proud of and that might inspire others. 

                  I have shared how depression has made life difficult for me. I have battled most of my life. By no means has it been easy, but I have endured. It isn’t easy for me to think about my successes. Whether it is a result of the depression or life experiences, I don’t have the greatest self-esteem. I will try to share my successes anyway in the hopes that someone reading this will be inspired to keep fighting their depression or other mental illness.  It is difficult to work and engage in life with depression. Please know that it is not always possible. We can only do what we are able to do on any given day.

                  Perhaps my greatest success is that I am still alive. I have faced a lifetime of suicidal thoughts, but I’m still here. Depression has tried to end my life, but I have persevered and with the help of my mental health team I have talked back to the suicidal thoughts and lived. That is definitely a success.

                  Another accomplishment is teaching special education for 26 years. I managed to have a career despite the pangs of depression that haunt me. It wasn’t always easy, but I pressed on and hopefully had a positive impact on the students I taught. There were days when I didn’t want to be in the classroom. Days when I had to fight the thoughts in my head to get through the workday. During my career I was a mentor teacher. In that role I guided new teachers into the profession. I also earned National Board Certification as an education specialist. Really that is just a token honor, but it is something I had to work to achieve. I would like to believe that the students who entered my classroom and the teachers I mentored gained self-esteem and knowledge from me. 

                  Teaching was not always easy for me. Depression made many days difficult. It wasn’t until the last couple of years that I realized I could take time for my mental health. I put my teaching before my mental health needs for most of my career, which is something I regret. I am no longer teaching due to cancer, but I feel like I gave my teaching career my best despite living with depression.

                  Another accomplishment was coaching high school basketball and volleyball. When I was in college I wanted to coach basketball, but as my teaching career progressed, I gave up on that dream. About ten years ago I had the opportunity to coach basketball, and I took it. My win/loss record wasn’t great. It was mediocre, but I think I had an impact on the young women I coached. I tried to focus on self-esteem as much as the X’s and O’s of basketball. When a need arose, I stepped in and coached the boys’ team. According to a sportswriter at the LA Times, I was the first woman to coach a varsity boys basketball team in Southern California, a fairly decent accomplishment.  Despite not having a background in volleyball, I coached volleyball for one season when we didn’t have a coach. Coaching was fun for me, but it also was difficult. I had to maintain a positive demeanor at times when my depression was yelling in my head. I am grateful for the experience and the opportunity to work with young people in a sports environment.

                  Another accomplishment is writing five books. My books all deal with living with depression. They are my story. Writing has been important to me since I was in my teens. To publish books was a dream that I dared not think about for most of my life. I didn’t publish these books until I was in my 40s. The books represent my desire to find something positive in my mental illness. Depression does not have to be a negative. With my books I shared how depression affects me and in doing that I connected with others who live mental illness.  The books led to speaking opportunities and advocacy work. These have become my passion. Despite living with depression, I find hope in sharing my story. I find hope in connecting with others who share in the mental illness experience. I think together we make the world a slightly better place for people with mental illness. 

                  I started this blog to hopefully reach a larger audience. While I haven’t reached the numbers I had hoped to reach, I guess my blog is a success. If nothing else, it gives me the opportunity to write. I hope to find more success with this blog. If you’re reading this, maybe you could share my blog with someone else. That would help me build my reading audience. 

                  I share my successes not to brag, but rather to show that it is possible to live with mental illness. That doesn’t mean we can do it all the time. There will be times when we need to step back and tend to our mental health. Doing so is important. Caring for our mental health needs is what allows us to function. We need to manage our mental health. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. People with mental illness can live fulfilling lives if we care for our mental health. 

                  Writing this post has shown me that my cousin made a good point. I have done a lot I can be proud of despite living with depression. Those accomplishments would mean more if I can use them to show others living with mental illness that they can be successful as well. We have illnesses, but we are not our illnesses. I encourage others to take a look at their accomplishments. No accomplishment is too small to recognize. Sometimes just getting out of bed is an accomplishment when you live with mental illness. I hope I can be an example for others living with mental illness. We can be successful in life. We are not limited by our illness. Depression and other mental illnesses do not define us.

                  I encourage you to share one of your successes in the comments to let others see that we all have achievements we can be proud of.