Giving Back

                  I have learned that giving back feels good. This past Saturday night I had a poetry reading as a fundraiser at Empty Shelf in San Gabriel, CA. The purpose was to raise money for the general breast cancer research fund at Keck Medicine of USC. I was hoping for a few hundred dollars. I raised $1,125. I am thrilled to be able to donate that money.

                  My cancer journey has taught me a lot about valuing life. It has helped me overcome suicidal ideation. I have learned that I want to live. Cancer is a tough way to learn this lesson. So, I can’t say I am glad cancer hit me, but I am happy that I have learned the lessons I have learned. My depression isn’t gone, but I think I understand how to live with it better now. I have learned to tell depression to be quiet when it starts in with its suicidal thoughts. I have learned that I have a reason to live. Cancer still sucks, but I am learning to fight. 

                  I have an amazing team of medical professionals caring for me. My oncologist and primary care provider (PCP) take care of all things physical. They also encourage me and give me hope. My PCP was the first person who told me I could fight cancer. She told me this immediately after telling me I had cancer. So, right from the beginning, there has been a knowledge that I can fight. My oncologist provided me with hope in my very first appointment with her. It didn’t matter that my cancer was stage 4 and metastatic.  She was going to lead me in the battle, and I would live. She remains the hope that I hold onto.  The nurse navigator became my “Dancing Queen,” teaching me to dance on top of cancer. She reminds all the time that I need to keep dancing to beat cancer. Her motivation lifts me up and reminds me that I can live.  All the nurses, my PCP’s nurse and the infusion nurses, always take such great care of me. They encourage me while providing me with care and understanding. The infusion nurses make sure my treatment goes well.

                  My mental health team has been by my side throughout. My psychologist is always there to talk to me and to help ease my anxiety. My psychiatrist helps me understand what I am experiencing and ensures that I am taking care of my mental health. My psychiatric nurse practitioner, S, always listens to me and helps me make sense of things. Now, I see another psychiatric nurse practitioner, too. She, along with the techs, makes sure I get my treatment and that I get through it with ease. 

                  So, I have an army behind me. That gives me reason to give back. In the past I have raised money for mental health through NAMI Walks. Now, it is time for me to give back for all the help and healing I have received in my cancer battle. My writing is the one thing I have that I can share with others. So, I had a poetry reading with a raffle and silent auction to raise money for breast cancer research. There are many cancer organizations, but there is nowhere I would rather give back to than Keck Medicine of USC. Their team has saved my life. I want to give back to them.  I want to help them fight for others with cancer. I know first-hand that they make a difference. The poetry reading and the funds I raised are a small token of my appreciation and gratitude, 

                  The fact that I can give back shows that I am winning the battle against breast cancer. I have the ability to give back. I am healing. I want to do more and hopefully I will find ways to do more. As long as I can give back, I am going to. I don’t know what that will look like moving forward, but it is my goal. I am considering starting a second blog to write about breast cancer. Let me know what you think about that. It would be easy for me to start a second blog. I love to write. So, writing would likely come naturally. Maybe a breast cancer blog would help others fight this awful disease.

                  I want to share the poetry reading with all of you reading this. Listen to my message. Feel the poems. Cancer can strike when you least expect it. Value your health and get recommended screenings. It can save your life. 

                  Here is the link to my poetry reading:

 

https://youtu.be/LqRh3tPcT3c?si=nOYkoBvke-1aKg2i