A Winding Road

                  Struggling with depression is difficult. I have been through a rough section of the road that is depression recently. Often during the last few weeks, I have found myself headed downhill. At times I have been stuck in the road. I have not known where to turn. The GPS in my head has been confused about which way to turn and how to find my way back to my baseline mood. This is depression.

                  I think a road is an apt description because with depression we are often in different places. The darkness feels different depending on our mental location. I have lived with this monster for almost 40 years now. Despite the length of time I have known depression, it still has the ability to sneak up on me and the ability to confuse me. At times I don’t know where the depression is taking me. I know I am in the darkness, and I still frequently find myself on unfamiliar roads. 

                  Right now I know I am headed towards healing, but still I struggle. It takes time and patience to get through a depressive episode. When I don’t know where to turn or where I am headed, I need maps. I need to be able to rely on an outside guide to lead me through darkened roads. Luckily, as I have mentioned many times, I have a mental health team to support me through the depression. They talk to me; give me advice. Their support provides a map to guide me on my road to healing. Even with their help, it takes time to maneuver along the winding road of depression. Despite this, a part of me knows I will make it. That is what keeps me going.

                  Depression is a road. We are never in one place for long. Our tires may get stuck in a muddy patch, but we eventually move on if we don’t give up. Sometimes we need a psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist to give us a push in the right direction. That is okay. It is the reason they are there for us. 

                  For me the last few weeks have been a struggle and there have been moments when I wondered if I would find the right road. I wondered if the depression was too much this time. Fortunately, I know from experience that I will get through these times. Actually, I’m not sure “fortunately” is the right word. I wish I had never been through those times, but they are my reality. I have gotten through them. I am still on the road. I am still traveling toward healing. The road of depression is difficult. It is part of an illness that tries to tear us down. I know I am not on the road I need to be on yet, but I am nearing it. With a little help, I will make the correct turn and head toward the light. My wish is that if you find yourself lost in depression that you will reach out to mental health care professionals and allow them to direct you onto the right road.