Just Be

                  There is a Styx song titled, “Just Be”.  It is one of my favorites of their songs. It has a mellow feel, while still being a rock song. The concept behind the words “just be” remind me that sometimes we need to sit with ourselves and let the world happen around us. As someone with depression and anxiety, this is an important concept for me. 

                  What does it mean to “just be”? I think it means embracing a moment. It means letting go of what is in our minds. Depression and anxiety can really get my mind going on what seems like a never-ending loop. In these moments it is difficult to be still and to quiet my mind. I have several strategies at my disposal to try to cope in these situations. I use strategies such as self-hypnosis, listening to a hypnosis recording my psychologist made for me, listening to music, walking, writing/journaling, and creating art. One thing all these strategies have in common is they allow me to “just be”. I attempt to escape whatever is hounding me at the time by delving into one of these strategies. When I am doing this, I try to allow my mind to focus on just being present rather than the thoughts or pains I am experiencing. In a way I am allowing myself to “just be.”

                  There is a line in the song that I relate to, 

 

“You close your eyes 

But the sleep won't come.” 

 

I often struggle with my thoughts when I go to bed at night. Depression and anxiety like to relive the day or anything that has been difficult. They like to provide a running commentary that keeps me from being able to relax and sleep. Can anyone relate to this? I know I am not alone in this experience. As I lie there, I struggle to just be, but I know I need to find a way to let go and just be. 

By definition, just being is existing without striving, performing, or fixing. It sounds simple, right? As I have described it is not always easy. My nighttime experience is an example of how it can be difficult to let go of the expectations the world and we, ourselves, place on us. Our minds want to revisit everything. It is as if in revisiting we can fix things. But what if we could fix things by letting go and just being? 

One way we can just be is to sit in stillness with no goal in mind. Maybe we look out a window or sit on a park bench. We can notice a tree or feel the air. We can notice any sensations that might fall upon us. If we focus on noticing, we can learn to not try to manage the moment and to just be. We should observe, but not analyze. If we see the petals on a flower, let them be just petals. Notice their color and take those colors in. If we have a feeling as we are sitting in the stillness, let that feeling be a feeling without trying to analyze it or fix it. This is not easy, but with practice we can learn to sit in the stillness even if just for a couple moments.

I mentioned walking as a coping strategy I use. One way we can improve our ability to just be while walking is walk without a destination in mind. In this way we just allow our feet to guide us. We walk without an end destination in mind. This may be easier in park, beach, forest, or residential area. As we walk, we want to just move through space. Again, we can notice our surroundings, but we do not want to think too much about them. Let whatever we come across, just be what it is. Perhaps we walk by an oak tree. Notice that oak tree, acknowledge it, and move on with our walk. 

There is a lot of information available about breathwork. But if we are trying to just be, we should just let ourselves breathe naturally. We do not have to practice deep breathing in these moments. We can save that work for another time. If we are trying to just be, we should merely notice our breath and let ourselves breathe. 

Silence is often an uncomfortable place for those of us with mental illness. If we are trying to just be, we want to notice silence. We can listen for the silence between noises. In this way we are allowing silence to be a presence rather than an absence. If we can reach that point, we are closer to just being. We are also taking the focus off our thoughts and placing it on the silence. 

I read about another way to just be. The recommendation was to drop the narrator. It said to let the narrator gently fade away. This struck me as very difficult. My depression and anxiety fuel the narrator in my head. I can see the benefit of letting this narrator fade away. For me, I think some self-talk would be necessary to guide this narrator away. It likely will not be an easy task, but I can try. The potential benefits make it worth the effort. 

While looking for information on just being, I found a practice called “The Here, Now, This” Practice. It can be done in 30 seconds or stretched out longer. We can do this while sitting, while walking, or while lying in bed. There is no specified position. Our eyes can be open or closed. The first step is to silently say, “I am here.” We should feel where our bodies are. Notice any contact points, such as the floor, a chair, or a bed. Then we let that be enough. We are here. The second step is to silently say, “It is now.” Do not pay attention to a clock. We should let go of the past or the future. The key is to notice the exact moment we are in. Just the breath, the light, and the sound.  In this moment there is nothing else. We are in the now. The third step is to silently say, “This is what is happening.” There is no judgment, no good or bad. Let whatever is happening just be. It could be a thought, a noise, a mood, a tightness, or an ease. Acknowledge it and let it be. Remember that you do not need to fix or change anything. We are in the now.

For me the practice of just being is a work in progress. I am doing my best to make daily efforts to allow myself to just be. I am not always successful, but in the moments that I am, it is worth the effort. Give it a try. Allow yourself to just be, even if only for a moment. 

 

                  

Complimenting Others

                 Yesterday I visited my mother at the assisted living facility where she is now living.  It seems like a very welcoming place. While I hate seeing my mom lose her independence, I am pleased that this facility seems to offer great care. The environment is very positive. I saw a sign on a wall that caught my attention. I thought I would share it here. The sign said, “What If We Began Flinging Compliments Around with Wild Abandon?” I love this idea. There is so much negativity in our world right now. I wonder what would happen if each of us made an effort to give a couple compliments each day.

                  What is a compliment? By definition, a compliment is “a polite expression of praise or admiration.”  Sounds simple enough. How do we get in the habit of giving compliments? First, it is important to be observant. We should interact with others with the intention of noticing positives. It is not about looks, although you could compliment someone’s style or efforts to make positive body changes. We should notice a person’s insight, dedication, humor, and kindness. Also, we should notice the way a person interacts with others and the efforts they make to be kind, helpful, and caring.

                  We should be sincere when we compliment someone. While flattery is okay at times, it should not be the basis of compliments. When we compliment someone, it should be about something we truly admire. We do not need to exaggerate. All we need to do is make a sincere observation. 

                  A compliment is more sincere when it is specific. I think it means more when a compliment is specific rather than just a generality. Think for moment. Is there a specific compliment you could give someone in your life today? 

                  Compliments can be said aloud. They can be written notes, texts, or emails. How would you feel if you received a note, text, or email with a compliment? How would you feel if someone said something complimentary to you? Chances are it would bring a smile to your face and make you feel good about yourself. When others notice something positive about us, it gives us a lift. 

                  This is mental health blog. So, where is the mental health tie-in to compliments? I just said it. A compliment can make a person feel good about themselves. That good feeling can increase our self-esteem. It can also lift our mood. I am not saying compliments can heal mental illness, but they can give a bit of relief to the symptoms. Compliments give a little lift. Compliments can bring a smile to our faces. Compliments can make us pause and notice that there are positives in our life. They can also let us know that other people appreciate us. Anything positive that makes us feel good is helpful when we live with mental illness.

                  I would like to issue a challenge. Let’s all try to give two compliments a day for a week. That will start a habit of giving compliments and making others feel good. This could be contagious. When we receive a compliment, we may be more likely to give a compliment to someone else. When that happens, we are doing our part to bring a bit of positivity into this world that is often full of negativity. Two compliments a day. That is all I am asking. I am starting today. Will you join me in flinging compliments with wild abandon?

                   

OCD Awareness Week

It is OCD Awareness Week. OCD stands for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is a mental health condition that affects many. Unfortunately, it is often misunderstood and used casually or even as a joke. This has a negative impact on people who have OCD. 

I have a friend who has OCD. I have also recently learned that a family member is has been diagnosed with it. So, I would like to spread awareness about OCD. Having watched my friend live with OCD for years, I have an understanding of how debilitating this mental health disorder can be. I think people mistakenly assume that OCD is just about handwashing or constant cleaning. Some people with OCD may do those things, but it is a complex disorder. OCD is a disorder comprised of thoughts that won’t go away, of fears that paralyze a person, and so much more. 

What is OCD? This disorder is characterized by unwanted, intrusive thoughts and repetitive ritualistic behaviors. Breaking it down further, the obsessions are unwanted, intrusive thoughts, images, or urges that cause significant anxiety or distress. These obsessions can be found in several categories including, contamination, harm, sexual, religious or moral, symmetry or order, fear of losing control, and relationships. Examples might include fear of germs or contamination or needing things to be symmetrical or “just right”. A person might fear becoming ill or spreading an illness. They may fear accidentally harming someone. Another example might be a worrying about doing something inappropriate such as shouting in public. A person with OCD might constantly analyze their relationships for any signs of problems. 

 Compulsions are repetitive behaviors or mental rituals that are done in order to neutralize the obsession or prevent a feared event. Categories of compulsions include cleaning/washing, checking, repeating, mental rituals, ordering/arranging, and avoidance. The compulsions might include excessive handwashing, checking locks or appliances repeatedly, counting, repeating words, arranging things a certain way, avoiding certain words or numbers, or mentally reviewing events to prove nothing bad happened.  Usually, the person recognizes that the thoughts or behaviors are irrational or excessive. The symptoms of OCD consume a lot of time and interfere with daily life functions. 

It is likely that OCD is caused by multiple factors. These include genetics, brain chemistry, and environmental factors. There are different options for treatment. One is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). There is a type of CBT known as Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) that is often used to treat OCD. Another treatment option is medication, often SSRIs. 

Another support that can be used in combination with the above is a support group. These groups allow people to share experiences and coping strategies. Support groups can also help reduce a sense of shame or isolation. Three organizations that can offer help to individuals with OCD are NAMI, International OCD Foundation, and Anxiety and Depression Association of America. 

While I do not have personal experience living with OCD, I have watched my friend. From her I have learned how debilitating OCD can be. People with OCD need mental health care. OCD is not a joke, even though people often speak of it causally. I think if there was a better understanding of how painful and difficult this disorder is, maybe there would be less jokes or insensitive comments about it.  So, the next time you are tempted to use OCD as an adjective for a person who is tidy, think twice. OCD is not a joke. It is a mental illness and should not be joked about. 

 

A Wave of a Depression

                  I had intended on writing about a different topic, but I am experiencing something that I thought I would share. My intent is to let others know what it is like to live with depression. 

I had been doing well the last ten days or so. I might even say at times I had been feeling good. Then this evening I felt a wave of darkness wash over me. It felt like a blanket dropping on me. The depression was back with a strength I have felt so many times before. I feel its heaviness. I was walking when it started. My steps suddenly felt heavier. I felt everything slowing. As I write this, I lack motivation. I am forcing myself to write because my goal today was to write a post. I have started and stopped writing several times. I just want to crawl into bed and escape the world. Instinctively, I know this will last until my next esketamine treatment. Luckily, that is on Wednesday. I need to trust that treatment will lift my mood. 

Not everyone experiences depression the way I do. Even for me, it comes on in different ways at different times. However, this blanketing darkness is common for me. I feel trapped under the weight of depression. It does not always drop on me this suddenly. Sometimes it creeps in slowly. I am not sure which is easier to deal with.

Depression can be sneaky. Depression can strike like an avalanche. As I said, I have experienced both. I am not sure which is worse. I guess when it is suddenly upon me it is harder to deal with in those moments. It feels like there has been an onslaught of darkness and heaviness. In contrast, when the depression sneaks in slowly I can prepare myself a little more easily. I have time to employ my strategies for dealing with the depression. Either way, depression is difficult. It is painful and numbing at the same time. Does that make sense? I am not sure I can make it make sense to someone who has never experienced it. My mind is filled with painful thoughts, but in the same moment my emotions feel frozen in time. 

When the depression comes on suddenly, it is hard to believe that I was fine just moments before. If it is difficult for me to believe, I can only imagine that it might not make sense to someone who has never experienced depression or to someone who is around me. That is one of the conflicting aspects of depression. There are times when we might be okay one moment and not okay the next. We might seem like everything is going well and it very well might be. Then like a crash of thunder, we are not okay. 

 I think one thing that I can point out to people who do not suffer from depression is that depression strikes each person in different ways. This is one of the reasons we need to be kind to others. We need to be understanding that a person’s mood can change quickly. We need to recognize that even though a person seems okay, their depression can take over without notice. It can also slowly creep in. You might notice a slow descent into the depression of a loved one or friend. They may even be able to explain what is happening. The same person can have both experiences with depression just like I do.

The reality is that depression is an illness. It grabs hold of us and we need to rely on coping strategies, therapy, medications, and treatments to help us get through the depression. We need help from professionals and support systems. The depression is not going to disappear on its own.

I finished this post the day after I started it. I am still struggling, but writing and talking to my psychologist helped. It is an example of what I mean by relying on the things that help us through depression. I do not know how long this episode will last, but I will endure. I will do my best to get through it one moment at a time.  

If you know someone who is struggling with depression, reach out, be there for them in whatever ways help them.

 

“Broken Crayons Still Color”

     Have you ever heard the saying, “Broken crayons still color”? It is a powerful statement and one worth exploring. 

I am a broken crayon. Mental and physical illness have left me broken, somehow not whole. But you know what? I still color. My brokenness does not define me. It does not stop me from living. My brokenness does not leave me discarded at the bottom of the box.

 In reality, I am a collection of different crayons, some broken, some whole. Some days my colors are vibrant. Other days my colors are more muted. To be honest, my colors are muted more often than they are vibrant. I have learned to live in this way. It is part of living with depression. Sure, it can be hard to function when I feel like my colors are muted. I would venture to say that many people with depression have similar experiences. Depression is difficult. There are moments when we do not want to continue fighting the darkness of depression. It is in those moments that we need to try to remind ourselves that even our broken pieces have worth. Even our broken pieces bring color into the world.

What matters is not how bright or how muted our colors are, but that we still color. We can still find ways to engage in life, even when it is difficult. That engagement may be slight, but even a little piece of a crayon still colors. In the same way even a little piece of us has value and is filled with hope. When we engage in life, we leave colorful marks upon the pages of our lives. 

I think everyone has some broken pieces no matter how together they appear on the outside. We are not less because we have broken pieces. We can grow from our brokenness. We can take the lessons learned from our broken pieces and use them to continue coloring. This allows us to live. 

So, I may have more broken crayons than whole crayons. That is okay. I would rather have broken crayons than no crayons. I am here and I am living life the best way I know how.

Despite having some broken crayons, my life still has meaning. When you live with depression, it is often difficult to feel like your life has meaning. It is a very dark feeling to believe that your life does not have meaning. But the way I try to view it is that even though pieces of me are like broken crayons, those pieces leave color on the page. That color is the meaning in my life. 

If you are struggling with your own broken crayons, try picking up a piece and coloring. You will be surprised at the image you create. Even if the colors are muted, they are still a sign of your resilience. 

 

Just as an interesting aside, I read that several crayons (Crayola) are retired. In 1990 these colors were retired: Blue Gray, Lemon Yellow, Maize, Orange Red, Orange Yellow, Raw Umber, and Violet Blue. In 2003 Blizzard Blue, Magic Mint, and Mulberry were retired. Dandelion was retired in 2017. Anyone else remember coloring with some of these now retired colors? 

Note: “Broken Crayons Still Color” is a children’s book by Toni Collier and Whitney Bak. It is also a quote from Trent Shelton, a former NFL player who is now a motivational speaker.

Mental Illness Week and World Mental Health Day

                  In 1990 Congress established the first full week October as Mental Illness Awareness Week (MIAW). This designation was greatly influenced by the advocacy efforts of NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), This year the theme of Mental Illness Awareness Week is “Building Community: Supporting Mental Well-Being Together.”  October 10^th is recognized as World Mental Illness Day. This day is an invitation to raise awareness and advocate for mental healthcare worldwide.

                  Mental Illness is a topic that is obviously close to my heart. I would not be writing this blog if I did not feel strongly about mental health. I am very open about the fact that I live with mental illness. I have often been asked why I am so open about it. When I pause to think about that question, I find a very important answer. Too often mental illness is hidden in shame or banished behind stigma. I have experienced both the shame and stigma. Most of us living with mental illness have. We need to eliminate the shame and break the stigma. That is why I speak up. 

                  Shame and stigma have impacted me at times. I have hidden my mental illness at work afraid to let my colleagues and bosses know about my illness. I felt the sting of embarrassment when anxiety attacks with chest pain landed me in emergency rooms only to be dismissed by doctors who did not understand. Jokes are made about mental illness. Insensitive words are thrown around without thought as to how they make those of us living with mental illness feel. It is for these reasons that a week like this is important. Mental Illness Awareness Week is an opportunity to spread awareness and understanding. It is through these that we reduce the stigma and shame surrounding mental illness.

                  I am open about my mental illness, although I admit there are times when I remain quiet. One of the reasons I can be open is that I have seen how differently mental and physical illnesses are treated by others.  When I was diagnosed with cancer, I was met with well wishes and concern. While I appreciated that care greatly, it allowed me to see the unequalness between mental and physical illness. When we are unable to do something because of depression or anxiety, others often do not understand. But if we are in bed because of a physical illness or even a broken leg, we get cards or well wishes.

                  Another reason I share my mental illness is to help people understand that it truly is an illness. It is not something to hide in shame. It is not something to make jokes about. I believe I have an obligation to use my experiences to spread awareness about mental illness. Not everyone who lives with mental illness is able to do this. Often, mental illness is debilitating to the point where it is difficult to function. There have been times in my life when I was not able to speak up about mental illness. Right now, I am able. So, I am going to use my voice as much and as often as I can.

                  Back to the theme of this year’s Mental Illness Awareness Week. We need to work together to support mental well-being. It takes all of us working together to break the stigma and shatter the shame. People living with mental illness need support and resources. It is my hope that the words I write here reach other people. For each post I write here, I share the link on social media. It is my attempt to draw more attention to mental illness. Sometimes the social media efforts bring readers to this page. Other times I need to rely on my loyal readers to share the blog posts. Either way, my posts get attention. Even if I help just one person, I have accomplished my goal. I do not want to stop there. I want this blog to reach as many people as possible. So, one action you can do to support mental illness awareness during this week is to share the link to my blog with one other person.  If you can share with more than one, that would be amazing. Together as a community, we can support people living with mental illness and end the shame and stigma. 

 

A Boost from Affirmations

                  In the past if you had told me to repeat some affirmations, I would have blown you off. I might have humored you and then ignored your suggestion. However, over the last several years life experiences have taught me that affirmations can go a long way to improving my mental outlook on life. 

                  The past several years have been filled with health, both mental and physical, challenges for me. I have battled severe depression and anxiety. There have been times when suicidal thoughts roamed freely in my head. As if my struggles with mental health were not enough, I battled stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. It is obvious that there have been a lot of negatives in my life. Those negatives impaired my ability to think positive. Thinking positively has never been easy for me. My health struggles made it worse. 

                  I want to share something I have learned. It may seem like an inconsequential thing. It may seem like bulls***.  As I said, I was not a believer in this until it was forced upon me. Thinking positively and focusing on affirmations can allow us to heal and to find wellness. Let’s take a look at what affirmations are and how using them can lead to positive thinking.

                  Affirmations are positive, declarative statements that someone repeats regularly to reinforce a desired belief, mindset, or outcome. They can be used to shift thinking patterns, build confidence, and reduce negative self-talk. Usually affirmations are personal (using “I am” or “I have”), in the present tense, and positive. 

                  Based on this definition, affirmations sound simple enough to use. When using affirmations, we need to be consistent. This means we need to use them repetitively. As we repeat them more often, our belief in the affirmation will build. This leads to another key point. We need to believe in the affirmation. It is okay if takes time to build up that belief. If we start with being open to the belief in the affirmation, we will eventually grow to believe in it. Another key is to stay in the present. We should use “I am” instead of “I will”. This keeps us grounded in the present. One more key is to avoid negatives. An example would be to say, “I am healthy” instead of “I am not sick”. 

                  Here are some ways that affirmations can be used effectively: 

·      Daily repetition: repeat the affirmation out loud, silently, or in writing every day. Good times to do this are first thing in the morning or before going to bed. 

·      Mirror work: repeat the affirmation while looking in the mirror. Repeating the affirmation in this way builds and emotional connection between yourself and the affirmation.

·      Journaling: Writing affirmations in a journal reinforces belief in them through writing and repetition. This strengthens neural pathways.

·      Meditation or visualization: Try repeating the affirmation while visualizing a goal. This engages both the mind and the body.

·      On the go: Sometimes we need to repeat an affirmation in a stressful situation. In this way, the affirmation serves as a mental reset. An example might be repeating “I am capable” before a public speaking event.

·      Audio or Apps: Some people find it beneficial to listen to affirmations being repeated on a recording. Listening to the affirmation is a way to reinforce the affirmation. 

·      In therapy or coaching: A therapist or coach might guide a person through affirmations that are chosen to address a person’s particular needs. Sometimes this method is used in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to reframe distorted thinking.

     I have found that two of these ways are particularly helpful for me. I try to repeat certain affirmations on the go. For example, when I recognize that I am getting caught up in a negative thought pattern, I try to use an affirmation to break the pattern. If my anxiety is telling me that a pain is a sign that my cancer has returned, I try to repeat the affirmation, “I am okay.” Sometimes I add on something about my last test results being normal. Repeating this helps break up the negative, doomsday thoughts that roam freely in my mind. Another way I use affirmations is in journaling. I will often write out affirmations so that I am making them more concrete. I say them silently as I write them. Sometimes this action leads me into writing a poem or other piece. I also write affirmations as intentions before I have esketamine treatment. This writing action sets a positive intention for my mind to work on during and after treatment.

                  Now that we know what affirmations are, here are some examples of helpful affirmations:

 

v I believe in myself.

v I deserve good things. 

v I am enough just as I am.

v I am safe.

v I am loved.

v I am healing

v I am calm.

v I can handle this.

v I radiate confidence, self-respect, and inner harmony.

v I trust myself to make the right decisions.

v I am okay.

v I release what I cannot control.

v I am calm, centered, and in control of my thoughts.

v I am stronger than any obstacle.

v I give and receive love freely and joyfully.

 

    These are just examples. An internet search can produce more. You can create your own based on your needs. One that I use often is from a song that has always been important in my life. It is three simple words, “Let it go.” This affirmation reminds me to let go of whatever I am struggling with or whatever is weighing on me. 

                  I would like to see if we can add to the affirmation list. If you an affirmation that is effective for you, write it in the comments section so that others can read it and possibly use it. 

                  Affirmations are an effective tool for dealing with mental and physical health challenges. They are also helpful with basic life challenges. Repeating affirmations can reframe our thoughts leading to more positive thinking. As we develop more positive thinking, we can find healing or improvement in our lives. Affirmations are not perfect. Nothing is. Affirmations are useful and can make a difference because they provide us with a script to help us through difficult times. The positive nature of affirmations allows us to practice positive thinking. We can all use more positive thinking in our lives.

Anyone can use affirmations. Give them a try. Affirmations might make a difference in your thinking.