“If you want to support people with their mental health, be willing to believe in things you cannot see. Be open to the idea that people experience things you know nothing about. And accept that your personal lived experience is not the only lived experience.” – Megan Lane
I saw this quote on social media. I immediately connected with it. As a person with mental illness, I know firsthand what it is like to be treated with misunderstanding because of my illness. Having others not understand what I live with can be painful. I think this quote captures what I would like others to understand. It is what I wish I could say to people who do not understand mental illness.
First, let’s assume that others want to be supportive. I do not think that other people intentionally disregard those of us with mental illness. I guess there are some people who are just cruel, but the vast majority of people do not mean to hurt others. So, what advice would I give those who want to be supportive?
I think being willing to believe things you cannot see is important when interacting with someone who lives with mental illness. Unlike most physical illnesses, you cannot see mental illness. There are outward signs, such as being withdrawn with depression or on edge with anxiety. Some mental illnesses have outward signs that appear as strange behavior, but they are a symptom of the illness, not a choice. Just because you do not see the mental illness does not mean it is not there. Some of us are good at masking or hiding our symptoms. For instance, I have spent my career without most colleagues even knowing I struggle with depression and anxiety. I have hidden my battle with suicidal ideation. So, as you can see a person’s mental illness may not be visible. But just because you cannot see it, doesn’t mean it is not there. If you want to be supportive, believe that mental illnesses are real even when you do not see them.
The next part of the quote mentions being open to experiences you have not experienced as being real. A person who does not live with depression may know very little to nothing about what it is like to experience the darkness of depression. I can only describe my experience with depression as we each have our own experience, but there are commonalities that exist. For me depression involves a sense of lowered mood. It is a feeling of being trapped in darkness. Nothing seems positive. I feel like I cannot do anything. My mind and body are slowed. At the same time my anxiety will get my thoughts going on a negative loop. No one can see this going on because it is happening in my mind. Most people do not know what this experience is like. I ask that you be open to the fact that my experience is real even if you do not experience it or understand it. As the quote states, I ask that you accept that my lived experience is just as real as yours.
Depression and anxiety (and other mental illnesses) are not just in our heads. We are not making up how we feel. Mental illness is real. We experience these illnesses. Mental illnesses affect us and cause us pain. It may not be a physical pain, although at times physical pain can be a part of our mental illness. Being supportive involves accepting the experience of others as real even if you do not understand that experience.
Over the years I have learned that I can help others be supportive by being open about my mental illness. I have learned that I do not need to hide it as much as I have in the past. I still do not tell everyone. For instance, I am not going to walk up to my principal and say, “I have depression and anxiety.” There is no need for her to know unless it is impacting my work. By not saying something, I am not hiding my mental illness. I just do not need to tell everyone. At the same time, I am very open about my mental illness. That was not always the case. I have learned to be open about it. Not everyone with mental illness is able to be open about it. That is okay.
Reducing stigma is necessary. Those of us who are able can share our experiences to help others understand what it is like to live with mental illness. By letting others into our world, we can build understanding. With understanding, hopefully, we are also building a culture of empathy. Creating empathy in society is vital to helping individuals with mental illness feel supported. This blog, the books and articles I have written, the talks I have given, and the work I have done for NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) are all an attempt to build support and empathy for those of us living with mental illness.
If you have never thought about what it is like to live with mental illness, I encourage you to check out my webpage https://www.ginacapobianco.com/ or the NAMI webpage. You can find my books and articles on my webpage. Also, continue reading this blog. I try to share information that will help people understand mental illness. Any little step you can take to understand mental illness and be empathetic makes a difference. We can change the perception of mental illness one person at a time.
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