The Time and Courage to Heal

Healing takes time, and asking for help is a courageous step. — Mariska Hargitay

                  There are so many quotes available online. Sometimes I like to read quotes on various topics. I find it encouraging to read the words of others. As a writer it is important for me to read the words of others and reflect on them. Even more so as a person with a mental illness, I think it is important to search for encouragement. I found the above quote in one of my searches. I thought I would share this quote and my thoughts on it with you.

                  Healing takes time. I see healing as a journey rather than a definitive destination. I have been on a healing journey most of my life. That may make it seem like I am not healing, but I believe I am healing. Each day, each moment I move forward is step toward healing, The thing about healing is that it is not linear. Sometimes there are steps backward or sideways. Healing is messy. There is no one path. 

                  Allowing healing to take its time is important. One way to do this is to focus on taking small steps. A small step might be scheduling a therapy appointment. It might be taking our medication. Employing a coping strategy can be a small step. Once we take one small step, we are more likely to continue taking steps in the direction of healing. As steps build, our relationship with healing grows. We learn to make the choices that allow us to grow. We find ourselves healing.

                  Another key point that provides healing is asking for help. Hargitay calls asking for help “a courageous step”. It takes courage to ask for help. Sometimes when we struggle with mental illness, we find it difficult to ask for help or find ourselves not knowing how to ask for help. Maybe we are embarrassed that we need help. Or maybe we are unsure who to ask. Whatever the reason, asking for help is not easy. That is where courage comes in. Mental illness shrouds us in darkness, but the ability to say, “I need help” or “I cannot do this on my own” is a flicker of light. That light is the presence of courage. It is a light that puts us back on the path to healing. 

                  It may seem easy for me to say that we just need to ask for help. However, I say it from a place of understanding. Asking for help is essential when we are struggling. I have been stuck in those dark moments when I feel like I have no way out and no one to help me. It is a painful place. I have had to learn to reach out. That does not mean I do not struggle with asking. In my darkest moments I questioned if I am worth receiving help from others. What I know is that if I had not asked for help in my dark moments, I may not be here today. 

                  Since asking for help can be very difficult, I believe it is important for those of us living with mental illness to have a safety plan. What is a safety plan? Simply put a safety plan is map of what to do when you find yourself struggling to a point where you need help or at a point where you might hurt yourself. For more on safety plans you can read my article Creating a Safety Plan for Times of Suicidal Crisis on Recovery.com.  A safety plan gives you a concrete plan of action for when you are struggling. You do not need to be in suicidal crisis to benefit from having a safety plan. 

Sometimes we just need assistance asking for help. As an example, I was struggling the other day. My anxiety had taken me into a spiral. I could not get the anxious thoughts to stop. I was not going to hurt myself, but I knew I was going to continue spiraling if I did not get help. I reached out to a member of my mental health team. She helped me find a way out of the anxiety spiral by reminding me of how I could reach out to one of my oncology providers to ease the anxiety that was building. Left on my own, I would have continued to struggle with the growing anxiety. The interaction with this person was brief, but it made a difference. It took courage for me to ask for help. I had to let go of the thought that I should be able to cope with my anxiety on my own. I needed to understand that it is okay to say, “I am not okay, and I need help.”  Once I reached out and heard back from my oncology provider my anxiety eased and I felt better.

                  Asking for help is part of the healing journey. While asking for help is difficult, it shows a commitment to healing. When we are committed to our healing, we are able to move forward on our healing journey. Asking for help is a sign of courage. I believe that everyone living with mental illness has courage. We live with struggle but continue to fight. Even when it seems like we are not moving forward or that the darkness is consuming us, our strength is there.  Sometimes it is just that little flicker, but we can develop the courage to ask for help and to believe that we deserve that help. Courage is that flickering light that continues to burn despite the darkness.