The Time and Courage to Heal

Healing takes time, and asking for help is a courageous step. — Mariska Hargitay

                  There are so many quotes available online. Sometimes I like to read quotes on various topics. I find it encouraging to read the words of others. As a writer it is important for me to read the words of others and reflect on them. Even more so as a person with a mental illness, I think it is important to search for encouragement. I found the above quote in one of my searches. I thought I would share this quote and my thoughts on it with you.

                  Healing takes time. I see healing as a journey rather than a definitive destination. I have been on a healing journey most of my life. That may make it seem like I am not healing, but I believe I am healing. Each day, each moment I move forward is step toward healing, The thing about healing is that it is not linear. Sometimes there are steps backward or sideways. Healing is messy. There is no one path. 

                  Allowing healing to take its time is important. One way to do this is to focus on taking small steps. A small step might be scheduling a therapy appointment. It might be taking our medication. Employing a coping strategy can be a small step. Once we take one small step, we are more likely to continue taking steps in the direction of healing. As steps build, our relationship with healing grows. We learn to make the choices that allow us to grow. We find ourselves healing.

                  Another key point that provides healing is asking for help. Hargitay calls asking for help “a courageous step”. It takes courage to ask for help. Sometimes when we struggle with mental illness, we find it difficult to ask for help or find ourselves not knowing how to ask for help. Maybe we are embarrassed that we need help. Or maybe we are unsure who to ask. Whatever the reason, asking for help is not easy. That is where courage comes in. Mental illness shrouds us in darkness, but the ability to say, “I need help” or “I cannot do this on my own” is a flicker of light. That light is the presence of courage. It is a light that puts us back on the path to healing. 

                  It may seem easy for me to say that we just need to ask for help. However, I say it from a place of understanding. Asking for help is essential when we are struggling. I have been stuck in those dark moments when I feel like I have no way out and no one to help me. It is a painful place. I have had to learn to reach out. That does not mean I do not struggle with asking. In my darkest moments I questioned if I am worth receiving help from others. What I know is that if I had not asked for help in my dark moments, I may not be here today. 

                  Since asking for help can be very difficult, I believe it is important for those of us living with mental illness to have a safety plan. What is a safety plan? Simply put a safety plan is map of what to do when you find yourself struggling to a point where you need help or at a point where you might hurt yourself. For more on safety plans you can read my article Creating a Safety Plan for Times of Suicidal Crisis on Recovery.com.  A safety plan gives you a concrete plan of action for when you are struggling. You do not need to be in suicidal crisis to benefit from having a safety plan. 

Sometimes we just need assistance asking for help. As an example, I was struggling the other day. My anxiety had taken me into a spiral. I could not get the anxious thoughts to stop. I was not going to hurt myself, but I knew I was going to continue spiraling if I did not get help. I reached out to a member of my mental health team. She helped me find a way out of the anxiety spiral by reminding me of how I could reach out to one of my oncology providers to ease the anxiety that was building. Left on my own, I would have continued to struggle with the growing anxiety. The interaction with this person was brief, but it made a difference. It took courage for me to ask for help. I had to let go of the thought that I should be able to cope with my anxiety on my own. I needed to understand that it is okay to say, “I am not okay, and I need help.”  Once I reached out and heard back from my oncology provider my anxiety eased and I felt better.

                  Asking for help is part of the healing journey. While asking for help is difficult, it shows a commitment to healing. When we are committed to our healing, we are able to move forward on our healing journey. Asking for help is a sign of courage. I believe that everyone living with mental illness has courage. We live with struggle but continue to fight. Even when it seems like we are not moving forward or that the darkness is consuming us, our strength is there.  Sometimes it is just that little flicker, but we can develop the courage to ask for help and to believe that we deserve that help. Courage is that flickering light that continues to burn despite the darkness.

A Glimmer Jar for 2026

                  Watching the news has been truly anxiety provoking so far in 2026. It has also triggered depression in many of us. We are living in difficult times. I went into 2026 focusing my attention on my word for the year, “live”. (See the post: My Word for the Year) I intend to stick to this focus despite the noise around us even if it is hard. Maybe part of living means taking a stand and making my voice heard. This is my forum to share my thoughts and to bring some positives into the world. So, I am going to focus on something positive today.

                  I have created a glimmer jar for 2026. What is that? Let me start by explaining what glimmers are. I first heard about glimmers from Leigh Shulman, who leads the writers’ community I belong to. She introduced the practice of sharing our glimmers in the community each week. A glimmer can be anything that went well, made you feel good, or was positive. Glimmers can be successes. They can be moments when hope shines through. I love the practice of sharing our glimmers. It makes me focus on what is going well in my life. Reading the glimmers of our community members brightens my day because I feel the joy they are experiencing as I read their words. Martha Beck discusses glimmers in her book, Beyond Anxiety. In reading that book I learned about the importance of having time and space to focus our attention on the good things going on in our life.

                  How does a jar fit into the practice of recognizing glimmers? I find that I often struggle to see the positives in my life if I am not making a deliberate effort to recognize them. Some of this is a product of depression. The darkness created by my depression clouds my view of my life and the world around me. At times I get stuck in a tailspin and only remember the negatives or not so good aspects of my life. I found myself stuck in one of these tailspins as 2025 ended. Giving it some thought, I realized that the same thing happens every year. I look back and think, “Well, that year was a downer. I did not achieve anything. I was unproductive. I spent the year alone.” My thoughts take over. The end of the year is already tough for me because my depression always intensifies during the holidays. My negative end of year reflection worsens my depression.

                  I realized that I needed to find a way to break that cycle. I need a way to look back and see the glimmers. I am not going to remember all the glimmers when I am struggling with depression. To combat that I decided I should collect my glimmers and save them for the end of the year. I needed a place to collect those glimmers. A jar seemed like a good place to save glimmers. I did a paint pour over a jar. I selected shades of purple and green because those colors represent healing to me. When I am receiving esketamine treatment I usually see these two colors. I feel safe and calm when I see these colors. Those seemed like perfect feelings to represent my glimmers. 

                  Every week I am going to write down my glimmers for the week on slips of paper. I bought special paper for this. Maybe I will even do it more than once a week. The slips of paper will go into the jar. I am going to place the jar somewhere I can see it. When I am struggling, I will try to remind myself that I have a jar full of glimmers. Then on December 31, 2025, I am going to sit with the jar. Maybe play some music. I will read each glimmer. I will have at least 52 sheets with glimmers. As I read the glimmers, I will be reminded that good things really did happen during the year. My hope is that the glimmers are stronger than my depression. I hope that the glimmers replace the negatives that fill my head. I really believe this will work. I am going into this practice with the intention of allowing it to bring me a sense of healing. 

                  Next New Year’s Eve is going to be different for me. I am going to fight back against the negativity depression speaks into my mind. My glimmer jar will be filled with all the shining glimmers that filled my year. Some of those glimmers will be small things. Others might be rather large. Glimmers come in all shapes and sizes. I do not know what 2026 holds in store for me. I am hoping that intentionally focusing on glimmers will lead to improvements in my mental health. I realize my glimmer jar is not going to cure my depression or erase my anxiety, but it will give me reason to look back and feel positive about my life. My glimmer jar will help me see that I am truly living, which is my focus for this year. I encourage you to try creating a glimmer jar or find a way to capture the glimmers in your life that suits you. We all need to know that there are glimmers in our lives. 

 

Components of Mental Health

                 In January many people focus on setting and maintaining resolutions for the new year. Usually, these resolutions are intended to improve some aspect of a person’s life. In other words, they are trying to fix something they do not like about their lives or focusing on a perceived flaw in their lives. As I have mentioned in previous posts, I do not set New Year’s resolutions anymore. I do not like the “fix me” aspect of these resolutions. That is why this year I selected a word for the year, which I shared in my post, My Word for the Year. 

                  According to information I found on Google, the average New Year’s Resolution lasts less than four months. Most people give up on their resolutions within a few weeks. There is even a “Quitter’s Day” on the second Friday in January.  Google cited a 2023 Forbes Health/OnePoll, that found that nearly 80% of resolutions are “abandoned” by February. So, I am not missing out on anything by foregoing a New Year’s Resolution. I would rather focus on aspects of my life that can help me be the person I want to be. That means focusing on my health and goals in life. To do that I think it is important to understand some of the components of mental health. Mental health affects all areas of our lives. That makes it a good focus point for the new year whether we have a diagnosed mental illness or not. Let’s look at components of mental health that lead to well-being.

                  The following components emphasize building resilience. A focus on these components can allow us to effectively deal with life’s struggles and help us build healthy relationships. These components come from the 5 Cs of mental health that are often taught in psychology courses. There are actually more than five and depending on what you are reading the components can vary. All these components help us navigate life and live healthy lives. Focusing on these components can be an excellent guide for us going into the new year.

                  One component is competence. This is a feeling of being capable and able to handle challenges. It takes time to develop competence. It can be difficult at times. One way to develop competence in mental health skills is through work with a therapist. Competence implies we have learned. So, trying new things and learning new skills is important. We never stop developing competence. Life is about learning. We stop growing when we become complacent. Unfortunately, that is a factor in mental illness. We sometimes do not have the ability to develop competence in new things because we are weighed down by our illness. When this happens, it is important to do little things. Maybe it is reading for five minutes or attending a support group once a month. The important thing is to make an effort, even if it is just something small.

                  Confidence is another component of mental health. By definition, confidence is believing in yourself and having a positive self-image. This is a tough one for many of us. I know I struggle with maintaining confidence. Confidence develops as we build competence. In other words, it takes some effort. Our level of confidence can vary depending on the situation we are in. For example, I am usually confident in my ability to express myself in writing, but when it comes to interpersonal conversations I often struggle. When we are confident, our mental health is usually in a better place. That does not mean that confident people do not struggle with mental illness. It is important to remember that mental illness can strike anyone.

                  A third component of mental health is character. When we have good character, we act ethically and responsibly. This should be an easy one to define. However, ethical behavior can depend on our viewpoint. The state of our nation right now is an example of how character can vary. I think character means acting in ways that help others and brings out the best in ourselves and those around us. Character is important for mental health because when we do good, we feel better. 

                  Connection is another component of mental health. When we have supportive relationships and a sense of belonging, we feel connected. This is one that I struggle with often. Many of us are alone or feel like we are not connected to others. For me this impacts my depression. The less connected I feel, the more intense my depression becomes. It is human nature to want to feel connected. When that connection is missing, we feel alone. It is important to try to make connections. Easier said than done. This is why support groups like NAMI Connections are so important. If you do not need a support group maybe you can get involved in an interest-related class or group. The sense of connection created in groups or interaction with others is important to our mental well-being.

                  A fifth component of mental health is compassion.  When we show empathy and kindness to ourselves and others, we are being compassionate. It is probably easier to show compassion to others than it is to show compassion to ourselves. The way depression and anxiety make my brain work results in me being hard on myself. I am not compassionate with myself. My guess is I am not alone in that. How do we show compassion to ourselves? The key is to treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would treat others with. We can learn to do this by practicing kind self-talk, accepting imperfection, acknowledging our feelings, setting healthy boundaries, taking care of our basic needs, and forgiving ourselves. That’s a lot and it is not easy to do these things. My suggestion is to focus on one at a time. I think practicing kind self-talk and forgiving ourselves are two key aspects of showing ourselves compassion. 

                  Clarity is another component of mental health. This involves thinking clearly and setting goals that are clear and attainable. This is another one that can be difficult when we live with mental illness. Often, we need the assistance of a therapist to think clearly. The world can be a confusing place. It is okay to need assistance figuring things out and making sense of our lives. When we set goals, we should try to remember the importance of SMART goals. This means goals should be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound. A quick internet search will provide information on setting SMART goals.  

                  Coping is a key component of mental health. We need to manage stress and difficult situations in healthy ways. Again, working with a therapist can help us develop good coping skills. If therapy is not your thing, or you want to develop these skills on your own, there are many self-help books that discuss topics related to coping skills. When we are working on the other components I have mentioned, our coping skills are strengthened.

                  In order to have good mental health, we need a sense of control. This means that we have a sense of agency over our lives. We need to feel like we are in control of the things that are happening in our lives. We need to possess the ability to make good decisions. Even if we sometimes make the wrong decision, we need to remember that it is the ability to make decisions that provides us with a sense of well-being and control over our lives. 

                  Community is another component of mental health. It is strongly related to connection. When we feel a sense of community, we feel connected. We feel like we are a part of something bigger. That community might be family, a work group, an interest group, a school group, or sport team. It is important to feel like we are a part of something outside of ourselves. This can be where we derive a sense of purpose. When we have a purpose, we feel better. 

                  The last component of mental health that I am going to discuss is contribution. When we make a contribution, we are making a positive impact. Our contribution can present in many ways. It does not have to be monetary. We can make a contribution just by being present. We can take action to help raise awareness for a special cause. We can do little things to make a difference. There are so many causes that we can get involved in. When we contribute, there are mental health benefits because we are gaining confidence, demonstrating character, feeling connected, and showing compassion. 

                  These components of mental health take time to develop. They also require consistent work to maintain them. As we move into the new year, I think it is a good idea to look at where we stand with these components. How can we further develop them? We should not focus on what is missing or what we may be doing wrong. Instead, we should focus on where we can go. How can we further incorporate these components into our lives? These components impact our mental health. Our mental health impacts all aspects of our lives. So, it is important to develop these components.

                  

Facing Illness

                  Often, we become accustomed to our lives as they are and cannot imagine things being different. Even though I have battled depression for decades, I took my health for granted. I knew what it was like to battle mental illness and to feel like crap, but my physical health had generally been okay. I had a couple operations in my 40s, but within a few months of each, I recovered. It was not until a major illness struck me that I realized how fragile life is and how difficult it is to live with illness. For me that major illness was cancer. It changed my life and taught me how to fight and how to live.

                  Today as the new year starts, I would like to share what it is like to fight illness and how we can find our way through it. I am lucky that I had a healthcare team that included amazing doctors (an oncologist, a psychiatrist, and a psychologist), a physician’s assistant, nurse practitioners, nurses, and techs. I also had my aunt, a retired nurse, who stayed by my side throughout my battle and the support of my cousin. As you can see, I had a large team. We all do when we are open to help. In this post I will share my healing story. I do so with the intent of encouraging others who are struggling with illness and are discouraged by what their health is doing to them. I also want to remind people that even if you do not have a diagnosed mental health condition, your mental health will likely suffer when you are facing a physical illness. There is no weakness in admitting this. It is in acknowledging that we are struggling that we find help.

                  Stage 4 breast cancer struck me out of nowhere. Well, I guess it had been growing inside of me, but it surprised me. I had a mammogram that was normal just a couple months before being diagnosed. I clearly remember my primary care provider, Cristina, saying that word. Cancer. I still hear it echoing in my mind at times. From that moment Cristina and her nurse, Henri, encouraged me. They arranged for the care I would need. They were always positive with me. Their encouragement helped me battle cancer. This was especially important because my mental health was not in great place when I was first diagnosed. I needed their encouragement to help me know that I wanted to fight.

                  When we face illness, we face a lot of questions. Why me? Why is this happening? Will I get through this? How can I fight this illness? Am I strong enough? Will I make it back to the life I knew before illness? Will others understand what I am going through? How much help will I need? What if I cannot get through this on my own? All these questions and I have not even touched on the illness specific questions. If you are ill right now or ever have been, I bet you can relate to some, if not all these questions.

                  As I faced illness, I needed to make some changes. Outside of my mental health team, I really had not relied on anyone to help me. I was used to being on my own. I took care of myself. There was no one else. I had to learn to accept the help of others. I had to let family, friends, and colleagues into my life. I had to admit that I could not face this illness on my own. I had to accept their offers of help. If you are going through an illness right now, you might be able to relate to needing to accept help but being hesitant or even resistant to accepting that help. My advice to you is to accept those offers. It does not matter who that help is coming from. Know that you are not alone. If someone is reaching out to you, it is because they care about you and want to be there for you. They know that you would be there for them. 

                  I dealt with a lot of emotions as I battled cancer. Anyone who battles a serious illness is going to be faced with intense emotions. I went through it all. Anger, fear, grief, and hopelessness. These are real emotions. You will find yourself asking yourself, “Why me?” Then one day you will be struck by the realization that serious illness can strike any of us. 

I remember an old television show, “House”. One of the main characters is an oncologist. He saves the lives of his patients. Then one day he is struck with terminal cancer. Ironic? I do not think so. I think it is just life. We never know what life has in store for us. Now, this character made a choice I would not have made. He chose not to go through treatment. I think in most cases we owe it to ourselves to fight. Maybe I learned that from those who have been supporting me in my health battles. For years my mental health team has been supporting me in a fight against depression and anxiety. They then joined in with my physical health team to lead me in a fight against cancer. I learned that my life was worth fighting for from these amazing individuals. Even though the character on “House” rode off into the sunset on a motorcycle, I would like to think that he changed his mind after riding for a while and fought the cancer.

                  Illness is usually difficult. Just because you know what lies ahead is going to be tough, does not mean you stop fighting. Instead, you increase the fight. Back to the television show, “House”. There is something else I learned from the final scene. As that oncologist rides off, his friend, the rogue doctor who is the main character, joined him. The lesson there is that we do not need to go through illness alone. It may be difficult on many levels, but we can accept help and fight. So, whatever illness you are facing, whether it is mental or physical illness, or something else, do not try to go through it alone. There is always someone even when it does not seem like there is. I feel alone a lot. Sometimes I find myself believing that I need to go through everything alone. Cancer showed me that is not true. I have support. I just had to be open to allowing that support into my life.

                  I remember every bit of encouragement I have received in my battle. I would like to share that encouragement with you. However, there is too much to relate in this post. So, I will sum it up in five words, “Life is worth fighting for.” I learned this from nurses, nurse practitioners, my primary care provider, and my oncologist, from my psychologist and psychiatrist, and from my aunt and cousin. The battle may not be easy. That is okay. There is strength within each of us that we do not know we possess. Others see it, but often we need to be shown that we have that strength. As I said earlier, let others be there for you. They truly want to help you. If they did not, they would not offer. Reach out when you need support. I know it is hard. Allowing others to help was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn. So, I ask you to learn from my experience. We cannot fight illness alone. It takes a team. Healthcare providers, family, friends, and colleagues are all part of that team. No one should fight illness alone. I am grateful to everyone who helped me learn that lesson, to everyone who helped me fight and beat cancer. 

If you need help, reach out. Even if you do not think you need help, reach out. If you feel like you do not have anyone to reach out to, reach out to me. We are human. Humans are not solitary creatures. We need each other. 

                  

My Word for the Year

                  There are only a couple days left in December. 2025 is nearing an end. Many people are posting their year in review on social media. These posts include mostly highlights. It is as if only positives happened. These posts are not the full reality. No one had a perfect year. The reality is most of us had struggles or not-so-good times in 2025. Positives are usually accompanied by the not-so-good moments. It is the same every year. Positives and negatives make up our lives. So, what is posted on social media, the glossy pictures and lively videos, the highlight reels, is not reality and we should not compare ourselves to these posts.

                  As the year ends, I find myself looking back on a series of ups and downs. My year had many changes. The year started off with me continuing to focus on my health, both mental and physical. I spent my days alternating between appointments and sitting at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf writing. As summer hit its stride, I decided that I was ready to return to work. It was not an easy decision. I worried that I was not healthy enough. I worried that as soon as I started working, cancer would resurface. My oncologist assured me that I was ready to return to work. I trusted her and made the decision that it was time to resume my teaching career. As I started searching for a new teaching position, I was disillusioned by the lack of interviews I was offered despite my years of experience. Eventually, I landed in a position that seems perfect for me. I am teaching special education in a continuation high school. I have been paired up with two amazing teachers who have quickly become friends. It feels like we were meant to be connected. I enjoy working with the students. Teaching actually feels good. It is much better than when I last taught. Sure, there are days when I struggle, but it is working out and I know I am in the right place. I hope to finish the final years of my career in this position.

                  So, as the year ends and I reflect on how far I have come, I am filled with gratitude. My mental and physical health teams buoyed me through illness over the last few years. I can move forward in my career and in life because of these incredible providers. My Aunt Holly and cousin, Sara, encouraged and supported me. My dancing queen (Cindi) cheered me on. Friends and other family were there for me.  This may sound like one of those social media posts I referred to earlier. That is not my intention. I am just reflecting on where I have been and where I am headed. 2025 was not all good. There were times of depression. At these times the darkness consumed me. I have had some health concerns that have required attention. I have dealt with my mom’s serious illness. Loneliness and fear have overwhelmed me at times. Despite all of this I am here. I made it through 2025. 

                  As 2026 approaches I know that more changes are in store for me. One thing I am doing is selecting a word of the year for 2026. The idea of a word for the year comes from Leigh Shulman. She leads the writers’ community I belong to. I found the idea of a word of the year intriguing and spent time selecting the word. My word is “live”. This word carries a lot of significance for me. In the past few years depression and cancer threatened my life. I had to fight to live. Now, I am focusing my attention on living. What does it mean to live? 

                  First, I think living requires knowing what I want in life. Figuring that out will require some thought. There is so much to life. What do I want? I am planning on using my journal to figure out what I want. A few things I know I want include improving my mental and physical health, finishing and publishing the memoir I have been working on, growing this blog, and traveling. I know there is more to living and I hope to discover what those things are for me. I will spend time determining what living means for me and work to manifest those things in my life. See my recent post Manifesting What You Want for a discussion on determining wants and manifesting those wants.

                  My mental health plays a role in how I define living. Often, my depression clouds my view of life. This is difficult. I know I am not alone in this. It is a part of the illness. At times depression tells me that life is not worth living. Fortunately, the last few years have taught me that despite depression’s voice, I want to live. In 2026 I intend to not only figure out what living means for me, but also value life. Living with depression for as long as I have has led me to want to end my life on many occasions. As I heal, I have learned that I want to live. I think that is why my selection of the word “live” for 2026 is so important. 

                  Since I have never chosen a word for the year, I find myself wondering if I selected wisely. I guess it does not matter what anyone else thinks. It is my word. It is also my year. Depression and cancer be damned. I am going to live despite my health fears. I know I will always battle depression. Right now, the cancer is being held away. I am confident in that knowledge, even if fear creeps in at times. The important thing is knowing that my mental and physical health do not define me and therefore, cannot define my life or how I live. That means I get to decide to how I live. So much of my life has been spent living in ways that I either did not want or ways that no longer suit me. I need to figure out how to ensure that I am living in ways that suit me. I do not know what I will decide beyond caring for my health, writing, and traveling. I do know that I will figure it out. My journal will hold my ponderings. I will discuss my wants with my psychologist and other members of my mental health team. 

                  2026 will be a year of discovery for me. It is my time to figure out what it means to live. Once I have it figured out, I intend to live. Actually, I plan to live while I am figuring it out. No more just going through the motions. Every past year has played a role in my discovery. The lessons I have learned from my past have created my desire to live. I am moving forward determined to make “live” more than just a word. It will become a way of life for me. 

Dreams and Mental Health

                  I thought about writing another post about the holidays, but to be honest this is not my favorite time of year. I struggle with my depression and anxiety. It is just a hard part of the year for me. Despite my experience on Wednesday (Alone for the Holidays), I am doing a little better than other years. That is most likely a result of the support of my mental health team and esketamine treatment. As the years have passed, I have become better able to discuss my struggles during the holidays with my mental health providers. I also journal about it to get the thoughts out of my head.

                  Back to my topic for this post. A quick holiday reference. Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carolfloated into my mind. Ebenezer Scrooge has the dreams we all know with visitors from the past, present, and future giving him messages. That started me thinking. What role do dreams play in mental health? I have a lot of dreams. Some I remember. Others seem real as they are happening, but then disappear from my awareness as soon as I wake up. What do my dreams mean? Are they giving me a message? Is my subconscious mind working through something?  I have a lot of questions about dreams. So, I did a little research and thought I would share what I learned.

                  The first thing I found was that scientists do not have a definitive answer as to why we dream.  The thought is we dream for more than one reason. Those reasons include memory processing, emotional regulation, creativity, and normal brain activity. Dreams may be helping us to organize and store memories. It is possible that the brain is reviewing what happened during the day. As it does this the brain strengthens important memories and lets go of less useful details. 

                  When it comes to emotions, dreams may be processing feelings such as fear, excitement, or sadness in a safe way. This may be why we sometimes have intense or strange dreams after a stressful day. 

                  During dreams our brain often makes unusual connections. These connections can lead to creative ideas. As we dream our creativity can take over and inspire new work. Sometimes I wake up from a dream and need to grab my journal to write. That writing often feels inspired by the dream.

                  Dreams can also be our brain practicing for real life situations. We can rehearse social interactions, challenges, or dangers without real-world consequences. Our brain gets to work preparing us for life. 

                  Research indicates that the parts of the brain that handle logic and self-control are less active when we sleep.  At the same time the parts of the brain that handle imagination and emotion are more active. The brain’s filter is not on allowing thoughts to be filtered in a different way. This is why we sometimes have weird dreams. The logic part of our brain is turned down. Since the prefrontal cortex, which usually checks logic is not as active, it is not saying, “that doesn’t make sense.” The prefrontal cortex is not questioning weird things. This allows our brain to imagine weird things. It is also why even bizarre dreams feel normal as they are happening.

Since the areas of the brain involved with emotion, memory, and imagery are very active during sleep we may have intense feelings, vivid images, and dramatic or symbolic scenes during dreams. The brain tries to make sense of these things by turning them into a story. The story may not follow real-world rules. That is why dreams may be weird. 

Sometimes dreams blend recent events, old memories, and worries or interests. As they merge, weird dreams can occur. Dreams feel like they are happening to you rather than being something you are choosing because the part of your brain that controls deliberate decisions is quiet. So, to summarize, dreams happen because our brains are active, but not logical, emotional and imaginative parts of our brain freely mix memories while we sleep.

                  This all leads me to the questions how do dreams affect mental health and how is mental health affected by dreams? Dreams can have both helpful and challenging effects on our mental health. This is because dreams are closely tied to how our brains process emotions, stress, and memories. Dreams can reduce emotional overload by working through difficult emotions. When this work is done during dreams, it can make it easier to handle some emotions when we are awake. Dreams also help us settle down after stressful events. Dreams help provide creativity and insight. When this happens, we can see problems from new angles. This is a healthy way of processing problems. 

                  What about challenging dreams? I know I often remember parts of challenging dreams more than other dreams. Nightmares or challenging dreams often reflect that we are going through periods of high stress, anxiety, or depression. The dreams reflect what we are going through mentally or emotionally. Dreams can let us know what is going on with our mental or emotional state. If dreams are balanced, we are usually in a good state of mental health. When dreams are stressful or intense, it is an indication we are going through a difficult time. 

                  Here are some steps if you want to remember a dream. Wake up slowly. Dreams tend to fade fast. So, as you wake up stay still for a moment, keep your eyes closed, and ask yourself, “What was I just dreaming?” You might just catch a feeling, image, or color. That is a good start to remembering a dream. The next step is to record the dream right away. One good way to do this is to keep a dream journal by your bed. As you wake up, write down anything you remember even if it is just fragments. This helps to train your brain to remember dreams more often.

                  Another strategy is to set an intention before you go to sleep. You can tell yourself, “I want to remember my dreams.” Repeat this a few times as you are falling asleep. Setting an intention may sound strange, but it can work. I have not tried this to remember dreams, but I have set intentions before esketamine treatment. Those intentions usually follow me into the dissociation that results from the esketamine.

                  To process and benefit from dreams it is important to look for emotions rather than predictions. It is thought that dreams are not literal messages. Questions you can ask yourself include: “What emotions did I feel in the dream?” and “Do those emotions match anything in my real life?” Look for patterns. These might include places, situations, or feelings. Reading through your dream journal is a good way to find patterns. These patterns can point to areas of stress, worry, or goals your brain is working through. Next, you can reflect on your dreams. Do this in a gentle way. You should not overanalyze your dreams. Questions you can ask as you reflect on your dreams might include: “What might my brain be processing?” and “Is there something I have been thinking about or feeling a lot lately?” 

                  Everyone dreams. Our mental health can benefit from dreams if we reflect on what our dreams are processing and what we are feeling. If the reflection becomes overwhelming, we should take a break from our reflection. It can help to discuss dreams with a mental health provider. Dreams are our brain’s way of processing our emotions. It is not necessary for us to understand every dream. Sometimes we need to let our brains process what they need to process and not worry about what it all means. 

                  Going back to Ebenezer Scrooge. His dreams helped change his ways. Dreams can change us if we reflect on them if we recognize that our brain is creating, and dreams are not reality. We are not likely to experience a life-altering change the way Dickens’ Scrooge did, but dreams can help us understand a bit more. Dreams can provide some clarity and serve as an emotional release. I encourage all of us to reflect on our dreams, but as we do that, remember that dreams are our brains processing what they need to process to help us. Do not overanalyze a dream. If you have a disturbing dream, share what you remember with your mental health provider. Do not fear dreams. If we are dreaming our brains are working to help us. 

Alone for the Holidays

                 My holiday plans changed. I planned to take my mom out for dinner for Christmas Eve. She was excited. We were going to have seafood, which reminded both of us of the many Christmas Eve celebrations we had in the past with the traditional Italian American Feast of the Seven Fishes, but it was not meant to be. My mom struggles with anxiety and has Alzheimer’s and cancer. On Tuesday she told me that she does not want to go because she doesn’t want me driving all the way to her assisted living facility in the heavy rain we are having. She is also afraid of using her walker in the rain. So, Christmas Eve has been cancelled and I am spending it alone.

                  This is hard for me. As I have shared, I always struggle with my mental health during the holidays. Despite this, I have never spent the holiday alone. Growing up and well into my twenties we always had big Christmas gatherings on both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I want to talk about Christmas Eve. I am Italian American. We always had the Feast of the Seven Fishes at my parent’s house on Christmas Eve with my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins all there. I have memories of my father frying calamari and baccala while my mother prepared linguini and clams. It is odd that I still have these memories because one of the effects of my mental health struggles is a lack of memories from my younger years. There would be so much fish and a house full of family. Everyone seemed to have a great time eating fish and opening presents.

                  Again, times change. My brother and his family now have their own Christmas Eve tradition that does not include me. A lot of my family has moved away. My grandparents have long since passed away. For years it has just been my mom and me on Christmas Eve. We tried to keep up the tradition of having fish, but as my mom has aged that has changed. Last year I took her to an Italian restaurant for fish. She loved it. This year what I have known would eventually happen has become a reality. I am alone. I am not going to even try to make fish. I would not be able to make it anywhere near the way my parents did.

                  I guess what is getting to me is that I am alone and know this is likely my future. My depression has intensified despite having esketamine yesterday. Although, that treatment is probably keeping functioning. I realize a lot of people spend holidays alone. So, I did some searching online about spending holidays alone.

                  It seems there are not specific numbers regarding how many people spend the winter holidays alone, but there are some numbers. Some data shows that around 14 million Americans will spend Christmas Day alone this year.  The data I found shows that 12% of older Americans are expected to be alone over the winter holidays. The information I found indicates that these older adults have mixed feelings about being alone. There are many reasons why a person might be alone during the holidays. These include age, living situation, distance from loved ones, work schedules, cost barriers, and personal preference. 

Here is a what I think is a staggering number. Fifty-five percent of Americans report feeling sad or lonely during the holidays even when not alone. When I think about it, even though this is the first year I will be physically alone, I felt alone for a long time. For me feeling alone is a combination of my mental illness, life choices I have made, and distance from extended family. My mental illness led me to choose living alone and not seeking relationships. So, in a way this is my doing. I thought about reaching out to extended family or friends, but I do not want to force myself upon others who have their own holiday traditions. My Christmas Eve will include some writing, listening to music, and relaxing with my dog. I decided to make ravioli. Nothing big. I am just boiling it and pouring sauce from a jar over it. This is definitely not the Feast of the Seven Fishes. The days of enjoying that are long gone. 

I am not sharing my story to garner sympathy. This is my life. I accept it for what it is. I am sharing to raise awareness about the many people who are alone this holiday season, whether by choice or not. As you celebrate, remember there are many of us who are not experiencing the cheer. There are many of us who are alone and doing the best we can. If you know someone who is alone, reach out and share a bit of holiday cheer, even if it is just a phone call or text message.