Helpful Words to Say to Someone with Depression

            In my last post I discussed things people with depression are told to do that we just can’t do.  These well-meant words just aren’t helpful.  That leaves the question, “What helpful things can be said to someone with depression?”  First, we must understand that everyone with depression is different.  We are going to respond to different words, but there are some common things that can be helpful.  It is important to remember to be sincere.  Let the person know you care and are interested in understanding how he or she feels.  

            Let’s start out with a list of some phrases that may be helpful:

 

·      “I’m here for you.”

·      “You are not alone.”

·      “I care even if I don’t understand.”

·      “Would you like me to sit with you?”

·      “I can listen if you would like to talk.”

·      “What can I do for you?”

·      “Let me know what you need.”

·      “I’m always here even if you don’t want to talk.  We can just sit.”

·      “I can’t imagine how you feel, but I’m here for you in whatever way you need.”

·      “Do you want to talk about it?’

·      “It’s okay to feel the way you are feeling.”

 

            Words such as these let the person know that you are there for them.  These phrases emphasize that you value how the person is feeling and that you care.  When you speak in this way you are letting the person with depression know that their feelings and their illness are valid.  That is key.  Don’t give the person “feel good” platitudes, like “cheer up.”  We see right through those.  As a person with depression, I would you rather you be honest and say that you are trying to understand than have you tell me everything will be fine.

            It is okay if you don’t understand depression.  It is okay if you don’t have the words to make me feel better.  I don’t expect you to understand or to make me feel better.  You wouldn’t be able to cure a friend’s cancer.  The same is true of depression.  Just sit with me.  Let me know that you care.  Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone with depression is to just be there.  Depression is a lonely illness.  Having you sit by my side can comfort me a little.  It lets me know you care.  

            Asking me what I need lets me know that you honor my understanding of my illness.  As you spend time with me, I am likely to share some of my coping strategies with you.  Then, in time, you will be able to remind me to try one of those when I am struggling.  I am more likely to trust you with my feelings and listen to your suggestions, if I know you are listening to me.  

            Sometimes, just being with a person with depression is enough.  We need to know others see our illness as real.  We need to know that we are valued despite our illness.  Knowing we will not be abandoned and knowing we do not need to hide our illness allow us to open up to you.  It also goes a long way in helping us heal.

 

Be sure to check back for my next post on Thursday, July, 13^th.