Those of us with depression are capable of doing more than we think. We have an inner strength that enables us to live with this debilitating illness. The fact that you are reading this post, the fact that I am writing it, both take strength. There are many things it is not easy to do with depression, but we do them.
There are things we can’t do. Unfortunately, these are things we are often told to do by well-meaning people. How many of us have heard something on this list?
· Just cheer up.
· Think happy thoughts.
· Change your mindset.
· Think positive.
· Just smile.
· Look on the bright side.
· Remember others have it worse.
· Just get over it.
We have all heard these statements in some form or another. They are said by well-meaning people who just don’t understand. They are well-meant words that do more harm than good. I try to ignore them. I tell myself the other person just doesn’t understand. Sometimes, though, these greeting card platitudes make me angry. They are hurtful. These words make it sound like I can control how the depression affects me. I can’t. Depression is an illness. I cannot snap my fingers and improve my mood. A fake smile is not going to help me anymore than it would help someone with cancer.
People with depression can’t just “think happy thoughts” and be healed. Often, we don’t see “the bright side”. Depression covers that “side” up in our minds. If we could just change our mindset, we would. Doing that requires treatment. It requires therapy, medication, and sometimes more intense, non-traditional treatments. We understand the importance of thinking positive, but depression steals that ability from us. It is not a matter of just flipping a switch and being happy. Depression is an illness, not a way of thinking we can turn off and on at will.
We understand that people have it worse. That doesn’t diminish our condition. Depression is painful. It is debilitating. Depression can take lives just like other illnesses. The difference is society doesn’t recognize the gravity of depression until it is too late. When someone dies from depression by suicide, people say they didn’t see the signs. They say they had no idea. The signs were there. The person probably heard those platitudes from the list above. Hearing those and knowing we just can’t do it, make our depression worse. Depression may not get the attention cancer or heart disease get, but it can be just as debilitating and all three can lead to death.
When someone has a broken leg or has surgery, they receive get well cards and flowers. When those of us with depression are struggling with our illness, we get platitudes, like “just smile”. We are told to do things we just can’t do because of our illness. Until that changes, we will remain misunderstood and mistreated because of our illness. Depression is an illness, and it cannot be cured by greeting card slogans.
Check back Monday, July 10th for a post sharing helpful things you can say to someone with depression.
This is so true. It’s that last line! So many people wonder if they just aren’t trying hard enough, or don’t see things through. The truth is, if we had a choice in how we felt, we wouldn’t choose depression.
ReplyDeleteYou are right we would never choose depression for ourselves or anyone. If wishing depression away worked so many of us would be in a better place.
DeleteIt would be helpful and healing if there were more words to specify depression just like there should be more words for love. I love swimming and my husband, but I actually enjoy swimming passionately and have romantic feelings for my husband. Postpartum and grief come to mind, but the understanding is that this type of depression relieves itself.
ReplyDeleteI understand what you are saying. Depression can express itself in different ways for each person. I think that is why different diagnoses exist. Major depression is different from postpartum depression, but both are debilitating. The more we are willing to have open discussions about depression, the more likely we are to increase the overall understanding of depression.
DeleteDepression is very painful and diminishing to people. It hurts when you have a loved one going through depression and you don’t know what to do. Sometimes saying words like “smile” is the only thing we know to say. They may be worse to say to someone but that person just may not know what to say and they think they are helping. A lot of people are not educated or have experienced depression or someone with depression so they may not know that the words they are using are actually creating more harm. Having that knowledge of what to say to someone with depression as an illness is very important.
ReplyDeleteThe words are usually well-meant. We have to overcome that lack of understanding. That’s why it’s important to discuss depression and why I started this blog. Tomorrow I will post suggestions on how to respond to someone with depression. Please check back.
ReplyDeleteThis is so true. Questions that start with, "Why can't/don't you just..." are well-intentioned but misguided. It's so lovely to have this content to reflect on about my own experience and that of those I love.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you have the openness to be a good support to someone struggling with depression.
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