Young People Make a Difference

           For the last few years my mental health has led me to be burnt out as a teacher.  I have taught special education for 26 years.  It is hard to believe that I have been in the teaching profession for that long.  I have felt the drain of so many years for a while.  A lot of it was due to my depression taking over.  Some of it stemmed from the changes in education.  The pressures of teaching, the intense and unrealistic focus on test scores, and the lack of support for teachers have made teaching unpleasant and a difficult profession.

            One thing has kept me going. The students.  Kids keep showing up.  They bring their anticipation into the classroom.  In 26 years, many students have entered my classroom.  Too many to count. I have enjoyed working with my students.  I have always tried to encourage them and I have focused on relationships as much as curriculum.  Still, at the end of this past school year I wasn’t sure I could continue.  I was the definition of burn out. I requested and was granted a transfer from the high school I had taught at for almost 10 years.  I accepted a position as special education coordinator thinking that I just needed a change.  Unfortunately, before I could start that position, I was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer.  My world and my career were flipped upside down. 

            As a special education teacher, I have always had smaller class sizes, which allowed me to get to know students more closely than most teachers.  I taught the students for multiple classes during their high school years.  This has turned out to be a blessing.  My friend, Maria, teaches many of my former students.  They are 11^th and 12^th graders now.  They noticed I was gone and asked about me.  Maria told them I had taken a new position at a different school. Since we have always been honest with our students, when appropriate, she also told them I was sick.  These amazing young people wanted to reach out.  They each wrote letters to me on a Google Slide document.  I cried as read their get well wishes.  I could hear some of the messages about positivity and determination I had tried to teach them in their messages. I responded with a slideshow message to them.  I was honest about my diagnosis.  They are mature enough to know the truth.  I didn’t feel I needed to hide my cancer.  These kids would have seen through any lies if I had tried to hide it.  Their response has given me courage to fight cancer.  I told them I was going to make it to their graduations.  I told them I need them to work hard in school because I need to look forward to attending their graduations.  They have responded by working hard in school.  

            Maria has shared with me that the kids ask about me all the time.  They recently sent me a card.  Their words brought tears to my eyes.  These amazing kids think about me even when they don’t see me.  Their concern for me has made me realize that teaching for 26 years has been worthwhile and a blessing.  The burnout had me second-guessing my career choice, but these kids made me realize that I have been where I belonged all along.  

            On Friday they all wore pink for me.  Again, I cried when I saw the picture of them all wearing pink for me.  These young people are special.  I wish I could post the picture here, but most of them are still minors and I don’t have permission to post their picture.  Believe me when I say they are special group.  I am going to frame the picture.  I’ve received a few pictures from them.  It makes my day each time.  When I am feeling down or questioning if I can keep fighting, I look at their pictures.  They give me the strength to keep going.  I love seeing them.  I hope they know that I believe in each of them and can’t wait to watch them graduate. They have given me hope.  That is a special gift.  

            I don’t know if I will ever return to a classroom as a teacher.  I don’t know what cancer has in store for me.  If these young people were my last group of students, I know I will forever cherish them.  Hopefully, I’ll be able to work again, but if not, I know I have been blessed with amazing students. Next June, I plan to be there to watch the 12^th graders graduate.  In June of 2025, I plan to be there to watch the 11^th graders graduate. These students are going to do great things in the world.  I treasure each of them.

            Thank you, Maria, for keeping me close to them.  Teacher friends are the best.  More on teacher friends in my next post.