Live Every Moment

            I was chatting with one of my friends tonight.  We were discussing life with cancer.  She is a cancer survivor.  She said that we need to live every moment we have.  It made me think about where I am in my cancer journey.  My oncologist is pleased with how I have responded to treatment.  Overall, I am doing well despite my stage 4 diagnosis.  I have a lot to be grateful for.  I also have a lot to live for.  

            After our conversation I thought about what my friend said.  We do have to live every moment.  I may have cancer, but I can still live.  Depression has held me back most of my life, but my cancer diagnosis has provided me with a lot to reflect on.  I realized that I have a lot of living to do.  I don’t know how much time I have left.  Hopefully, I have a lot of time left.  What I do know is that I am going to start living every moment.  I am going to do things I have always wanted to do.  I am going to discover things I didn’t know I wanted to do.  

            There is a song by one of my favorite bands, REO Speedwagon, titled “Live Every Moment.”  I have listened to that song several times as I have battled cancer.  I didn’t realize how impactful it was until today.  In the song there is a line, “Live every moment, love every day.”  That is what I am going to start doing.  I think focusing on living every moment and loving every day is a good approach to cancer and depression.  I’m not saying it is going to be easy.  I will still have rough days.  I will still get down at times.  But that is okay.  I will focus on making each day the best it can be.  Maybe I’ll listen to the song each morning to get me motivated.  

            What does living every moment mean?  I’m not completely sure, but I am going to find out.  One thing I am going to do is focus on what I want to do and what makes me happy.  Living with depression as long as I have makes finding happiness difficult.  I think it will help me to start thinking about what makes me happy.  Writing makes me happy.  So, one thing I am going to focus on is starting to write a new book.  I have a story to tell.  Writing this blog makes me happy.  I am going to extend it into a book about my cancer journey.  

            I am going to plan a trip to Italy.  I want to see Calabria, which is where my family is from.  I have always wanted to visit Calabria.  Now is my chance.  If I don’t do it soon, I may not have the opportunity.  I have already been using an app on my phone to learn Italian.  I don’t know if anyone will go with me or if I will venture off on my own.  Either way, I am going to live every moment by traveling to Italy. There are several places I would like to see in Italy.  It is time that I stopped thinking about it and just go.

            Another thing I would like to do is devote my time to mental health advocacy.  I have given 26 years to a career in education.  Something is missing.  My passion is in mental health advocacy.  I want to use my experience with mental illness to help others.  I’ve written books and given talks about mental health, but I haven’t done enough.  I’m going to live every moment by venturing into more advocacy work.

            I’ve never thought of myself as artistic, but I’ve explored some creative activities in the last couple of years as a way to alleviate my depression.  I enjoy it.  I want to live every moment by exploring my creativity.  I want to try more painting and bookmaking.  Maybe I can combine my writing with art.  

            Living every moment and loving every day can be found in little things, too.  Walking through a garden or along the beach and viewing artwork in a museum can be living every day.  It is about enjoying life.  Finding the little things and the big things that make me happy.  I am going to love every day when I can.  On the days that I can’t, I’ll give myself space.  I will allow myself to find my passions.  I will be grateful for what I am able to do while I am able to do them.  At some point cancer may take that ability away from me.  Depression will throw its weight around and make it difficult at times.  In the meantime, I am going to live every moment and love every day.  I’ll let my friend know that I am grateful that she made me think about all of this.  I will live for me because that is why we are alive.  We are not guaranteed a specific amount of time.  What matters is what we do with the time we are given.  I am going to make that time matter.