The Importance of Support Systems

            Fighting two illnesses is difficult.  I would not be able to fight depression and cancer alone.  I need my support systems.  This lesson has taken time to learn.  When I was just fighting depression, my support system was much smaller.  It was just my mental health team, Dr. Klein, Dr. S, Stephanie, and Cristina.  This was mainly a result of stigma.  I was afraid family and friends would not understand my mental illness.  Depression is an illness that is not understood by the vast majority of society.  As a result, I kept my depression hidden.  I made up excuses when depression kept me from being able to socialize or work.  When depression prevented me from working Cristina, my primary care, would write my work excuse instead of my psychiatrist or psychologist.  This was intended to make people think I had a physical illness instead of a mental illness.  I knew my boss would not understand.  I didn’t want my colleagues to know the truth of my illness.  I was afraid. This is what mental illness stigma does.  In my case, as in so many others, it robbed me of a support system that may have helped me.  

            When I was diagnosed with cancer there was no hiding my illness.  There is no stigma surrounding cancer like there is surrounding mental illness.  I was free to be open about my diagnosis.  People don’t dismiss cancer.  I found support from family, friends, and colleagues.  Of course, my mental health team was also right by my side.  I gained the additional support of an oncology team.  Now, I have a support system.  It is larger than I could ever have expected.  I am no longer alone.

            With the emergence of a support system for my cancer diagnosis, I find myself able to be open about my depression.  People remain by my side.  There is no running away from me because I have a mental illness.  Even people I never expected to understand what I am going through are supportive.  I have found a supportive system that supports me in both my illnesses. 

            My family, friends, and colleagues have been amazing.  So many members of my family have been helping me, providing care and support.  For so long I thought I was alone.  As a single person with no children, I have always felt distanced from family.  I felt as if I was just an accessory.  I was by myself.  Fortunately, that has changed.  For the first time I feel like I belong in my family and that my family considers me to be more than just a loner.  Many have reached out, supported me, taken care of me. It feels good to know I am loved. 

            My friends have been great.  They text and call me.  They visit me.  They ask how I am doing.  I feel like I am part of my circle of friends even though I am too weak to do much with them.  It means a lot to me to be able to talk to my friends about my illnesses.  I can share how I am feeling physically and mentally.  That is something I have never been able to do before.  I know they are trying to understand.  I don’t need to hide my mood.  It is okay for me to admit feeling down.   My friends do their best to understand.

            Colleagues have also been supportive.  I receive messages of hope from them.  They gathered together and donated to help me as I am not able to work.  Their words of encouragement help me stay positive.  I miss my colleagues.  It is weird to not be able to work.  I know I have their support.

            Of course, my medical team, both mental and physical, is a vital part of my support system.  Talking to them brings me hope.  Their work brings me healing.  Having the best doctors and nurses is important.  They work together to address my mental and physical health.  This connectedness makes a difference in the battle against two illnesses.  One cannot heal without the other.  I need my team addressing both my mental and physical health.  I need to be able to share how my mood is affecting me with my oncologist.  Likewise, I need to be able to discuss how the cancer is affecting my mood withs my psychiatrist, psychologist, and psychiatric nurse practitioner.  They treat me as a whole person.  My illnesses do not exist in isolation.  The illnesses need to be approached as interconnected by my team.  I am lucky that that is happening.

            I also attend a support group on Zoom.  This is a form of support I wasn’t expecting.  My oncologist’s office connected me with this organization.  It has been beneficial to talk with other people fighting stage 4 cancer.  I have learned a lot.  I have also been encouraged and provided with hope.  

            Having a support system is an important part of facing any illness.  It is crucial when facing two illnesses.  I don’t take my support system for granted.  I am grateful for every single member of my support system.  I know I would not be doing as well as I am without each of them. 

            Sadly, I am aware that many people fight illnesses without a support system.  As I mentioned in a recent post, I want to advocate for support systems.  I want to work to provide people who have mental illness or cancer with stronger support systems.  I feel called to this work.  If, no, when, I beat cancer, I am going to dedicate myself to working to provide support systems for people fighting illness.  In doing so, I will also be helping myself heal.