My Journey

                  Today I am sharing a poem that I wrote a few years ago. It is in my book A Light Amidst the Darkness: Illuminating Mental Illness and Suffering. (It is available for order in your local bookstore or on Amazon at A Light Amidst the Darkness.) I have always been on a journey with my mental health. It has been a battle. I have sunk into the very deep and dark depths of depression. I have emerged from those depths at times only to sink back into them. The journey hasn’t been easy, but lights have guided me. I have hung onto the shining of those lights to keep myself going.

                  Last year breast cancer hopped on my journey. Cancer has made my ride even more difficult, but I remain on this journey. It has been rough. Cancer is a fight. Depression is also a fight. They affect me in different ways, but I fight both with the same hope that I will heal. As my cancer journey has intertwined with my depression journey new lights have emerged to help me navigate this illness. These lights join with the lights that were already with me to illuminate the darkness depression and cancer thrust upon me. 

                  This journey has pummeled me at times. It has also made me stronger. I am fighting. I have found a will and a desire to live. I fight with every ounce of strength I have inside of me. I hold onto my lights. They guide me and provide hope. It is a hope that one day I won’t need to fight so hard, a hope that healing is possible. 

Some days I struggle to maintain this hope. I know the struggle is a part of the illnesses that have attacked me. The struggle itself isn’t what makes me stronger. My lights give me strength. I draw on their hope to grow my own. Their faith in me carries me and allows me to believe in hope for myself. This journey has not been easy. At times it has been hell. Still, I travel on. I continue forward holding on to my lights, knowing that I am healing even when I don’t see it.

 

My Journey

 

I have learned to trust my journey.

It has been a hard and arduous journey,

But I have continued onward.

Long bouts of darkness have clouded my life;

Dragged me to depths I dare not describe.

Days seemed like nights.

My life blurring into one long day.

Specks of light have glimmered throughout my journey.

Many only pausing as they passed.

A few lights have guided my travels;

Remained by my side.

My journey has a purpose.

I travel through life for a reason.

Hope flickers in the distance.

Drawing me ever closer.

I know darkness will attempt to follow me;

Always be nearby.

But now I see a destination;

Grab onto the hope that beckons me.

I allow myself to continue on this journey

Though I take on a new role.

The journey no longer controls me.

I have become my own guide.

As I continue forth the light begins to shine more often.

Breaking through the dark clouds.

My journey will continue.

As now I look forward with a smile.

Ready to embrace the light that guides me.