It’s Okay to Ask for Help

                 As National Suicide Prevention Month ends and National Breast Cancer Awareness Month begins, two awareness calls that mean a lot to me converge. Today I would like to discuss a lesson I have learned in both of my battle with suicidal thoughts and my battle with breast cancer. It is a simple lesson, yet it is so hard to learn. That lesson is it is okay to ask for help.

I have spent a lifetime struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts. It took decades for me to understand that it was okay to ask for help. Even after I learned that I could ask for help, I still hesitated to ask for help. Often waiting until things became really bad before reaching out. I would wait until I came close to acting on the suicidal thoughts before asking for help. Many times, I should have reached out earlier. I’m learning. I know I need to reach out. I know there are people who not only can but want to help me. 

My breast cancer battle helped me learn that I need to accept help. I’ve discussed this battle a little on the blog. It has been a difficult battle. At times I wondered if I would make it through the battle. At times I became  weak and often needed help. In the beginning I didn’t want to have to rely on others. I wanted to be able to do what I have always done, take care of myself. Breast cancer and chemotherapy quickly taught me that it was no longer possible to do it all completely on my own. I needed to ask for and accept help. My aunt eased me into learning this lesson by being by my side every step of the way. She gently helped me and didn’t let me resist. She just did what needed to be done. It was a lot. The moments I treasure the most are when she just sat by my side letting me know I wasn’t alone. I learned that it was okay to need help. I learned that sometimes we can’t do it all on our own. 

Perhaps the lesson is that we live in community. There are people around us even when we try to isolate. We may not always know they are there, but people are beside us. Yes, some of us live lonely lives, but if we look, there are people beside us. Maybe at times it is just the mail carrier who keeps you connected by delivering your mail. Other times it is a friend or family member who sends a quick text. People are out there for each of us. We can reach out. It is important that we reach out. Whether it is suicidal thoughts or a cancer battle, we need others. 

How do we ask for help? How do we let our guard down and acknowledge that at times we can’t do it alone? It is probably different for each one of us, but I think there are some similarities. First, we need to admit to ourselves that we need help. We need to acknowledge that we need to let others in. I think the first step is saying to ourselves, “I am not doing well and I need a little help.” Maybe it means letting go of the shell that wraps around us. Maybe we only let that shell crack a little, just enough to let a little light in. 

Saying “I am not doing well” is difficult. It requires us to be vulnerable. What it also does is let someone else know that they are needed. It starts the process of accepting and receiving help. When I have been suicidal, I have reached out to my mental health team. If I hadn’t told one of them I needed help, I might not have made it through those times. In a similar way, I needed to tell my aunt when chemotherapy had me feeling like shit. If I hadn’t, she wouldn’t have known I needed a medication or something as simple as water. 

Asking for help is sometimes viewed as a weakness by society. That view couldn’t be further from the truth. Asking for help is a sign of strength. It shows that you know you are struggling or not doing well, but also that you recognize that with help you can get better. You are not afraid to be vulnerable. You are willing to allow others the opportunity to help you. All of this takes strength. No matter what is causing you to need help, asking for help is a sign of strength and a sign that you desire to get better.

It has taken me a long time to understand this. To be honest, sometimes I still struggle with it. I am human. There are going to be times when I struggle, times when each one of us struggles. It is okay. I try to remind myself to reach out. I am reminding you to reach out. No matter how put together your life is, there are times when you will need to reach out. The strongest among us still have times when they need to reach out. No matter what the need is, do not be afraid to say, “I need some help.” There is help out there. 

I started this post by acknowledging the convergence of two very important awarenesses in my life. I live with two illnesses, depression and breast cancer. These illnesses have led me to learn that it is okay to need help. It is okay to ask for that help. I encourage you to be aware of when you need assistance. Whatever is causing you to need help, know that you deserve that help and that it is okay to ask for it. We are stronger when we recognize our needs.