It’s Okay to Have Suicidal Thoughts

                  I’ve written about this phrase in previous posts and the phrase is often used on social media, “It’s okay, not to be okay.”  It is an important belief especially when we are dealing with suicidal thoughts. When suicidal thoughts are in our heads it is difficult to find a positive, which can make it hard to believe that what we are thinking or feeling is okay. I have learned that it is okay to have suicidal thoughts. It hasn’t been an easy lesson to learn. In fact, it has taken a lifetime.

                  Suicidal thoughts/ideation are symptoms of an illness. They are not a sign of weakness. I can’t stress this idea enough. For so long I believed that my suicidal thoughts meant that I was weak; that I was a bad person. I thought they meant that I didn’t deserve to live. I am sure I am not alone in these thoughts. When our thoughts become consumed with suicidal ideation, it is difficult to not place blame on ourselves. I, for one, feel isolated and cut off from others. There is a darkness that shrouds me. It prevents me from seeing the light of hope. I believe that I am not okay in these moments. These are all lies created by mental illness. 

                  It has been a struggle, but I have learned that I need to reach out for help when suicidal thoughts/ideation fill my mind. My mental health team has taught me that my life is worth living and that it is okay to reach out in those moments when I am struggling. I have learned to talk about these thoughts. By talking about my suicidal thoughts/ideation, I take away their power. I learn that I am okay. The thoughts are a part of my illness. Talking about them pulls me out of the darkness and allows me to find hope. When I have hope, I have a reason to live. I have realized that it is okay to have these thoughts, but I must reach out in these times. I must understand that I need help to deal with the thoughts. Just like with other illnesses, I need care when the symptoms are present. 

                  The fact that I have suicidal thoughts/ideation at times does not make me a bad person. It does not mean that don’t value my life. What it does mean is that I am hurting. I am suffering from an illness that needs treatment. I urge anyone who is having suicidal thoughts/ideation to reach out for help. You can call someone on your care team, 988, or a loved one. Reach out. You deserve help. It is not your fault that you have an illness. If you are able to, create a safety plan when the thoughts aren’t present or are not as strong. I discuss safety plans in my article on the NAMI Glendale website. I know I have brought this article up in other posts. I bring it up again because I believe having a safety plan is very important. It can save our lives. 

                  It is okay to have suicidal thoughts. The important thing is to reach out for help when those thoughts occur. We need help to prevent us from acting on the thoughts. Needing help is not a sign of weakness. I realize that when we are in darkness of suicidal thoughts it is difficult to reach out. We feel like we are not okay. We feel like we are a burden. Think of it this way, if you were having symptoms of a heart attack, you would call 911. You need to reach out for professional help when you have the symptoms, suicidal thoughts/ideation, of a mental illness. Each one of us deserves that help. We deserve help overcoming our illness. It is okay if you have these thoughts. The important part is what you do in response. Create that safety plan and reach out for help. It’s hard, but in the big picture, it is worth it.