Being Good to Yourself

“If I am not good to myself, how can I expect anyone else to be good to me?”                               – Maya Angelou

                  As the year nears an end, I think it is important to consider how we treat ourselves. So, I often I find myself beating myself up. It is easy for me to get down on myself. In my head I criticize myself. I know I am not alone. Part of it stems from my depression. I understand that. Depression traps me into feeling bad. I see the negatives to the exclusion of the positives. Depression clouds my view of myself. It is a part of the illness. Still, I know I should be kinder to myself.

                  How do others treat themselves with kindness? How can I learn to treat myself better? First, when the negative thoughts start, I need to remind myself that I cannot allow my depression to control my thoughts. Depression has a voice, but I do not need to echo that voice. It is not easy to remember this. I spend a lot of time reminding myself to be good to myself. Sometimes it works. Other times, it does not. 

                  One way I think I can work on being good to myself is by developing self-talk scripts. These scripts should include kind words and words of encouragement. An example might be “Today was rough, but one good thing that happened was _________.” I could also say, “I am feeling frustrated today. It is okay to feel frustrated. Frustration is a normal feeling.” Another thing I could say is “There are a lot of wonderful things about me. I need to think about one of those, not what my depression is telling me.”  Self-talk scripts are short sentences that we can use to encourage ourselves when the negative messages start running on repeat in our heads. It might help to have them written some place we can easily refer to them. These sentences should be unique to yourself. Although, I guess a Google search might bring up more examples.

                  Another strategy that works for me is journaling. Sometimes what I am writing starts out negative. I allow the negative thoughts to spill onto the page. Once the thoughts  are out of my head and on the page, I can then start focusing on writing kinder things about myself and to myself. I know writing is not helpful for everyone, but I wanted to share something that has worked for me. 

                  Another way of being good to yourself is to do things you enjoy. When you are getting down on yourself, try doing an activity you enjoy. Maybe it is exercising or creating art. Maybe it is listening to music whether it is on a device or live. You might enjoy gardening or woodworking. Find something that you enjoy doing and when you start hearing yourself say negative things engage in that enjoyable activity. What starts out as a distraction will lead you to feeling better about yourself. I have found that for me writing, reading, and creating art help me find enjoyment and as a result feel like being kinder to myself.

                  Now, these strategies do not make the depression go away completely. They are a way of coping with a negative effect of depression. We all need coping strategies at some point in our lives. Even the person who seems the most put together likely has negative self-thoughts at times. No one can escape them completely. The key is to remember that we deserve kindness from not just others, but from ourselves. As the quote from Maya Angelou infers, kindness starts from within.