The holidays can be a difficult time for people with depression and other mental illnesses. This time of year is usually tough for me. I feel my depression worsening as the holidays near. I often feel a sense of dread and worry that I will not be able to cope with holiday gatherings. Even just seeing decorations and gifts fill stores or hearing holiday music on the radio can trigger my depression. So, how do people like me get through this time of year that most people find festive, when we struggle with the darkness of mental illness?
One way is to acknowledge that what we are feeling is real. We are experiencing an increase in the symptoms of our mental illness. Not only is it real, but it is also okay. We do not need to apologize for our struggles. We do not need to explain ourselves to others. It is okay to not be okay during the holidays. We are not alone. There are actually statistics to back this up. In a 2022 poll conducted by the American Psychiatric Association, researchers found that 38% of Americans state that their mood declines during the winter months. This is a significant amount of people. In a survey conducted by the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) 24% of people with diagnosed mental illness said that the holidays make their condition “a lot worse”. Another 40% of respondents said the holidays make their conditions “somewhat worse”. These results tell me that what I feel is real and I am not alone.
How do we approach the holidays when we know that it is likely to be a difficult time? One of the most important things is to set realistic expectations. Do not expect your mood to be something it is not. It is important not to pressure yourself to enjoy holiday events. Just because others are cheerful does not mean you have to be. It is okay to have a different experience than others if the holidays do not feel okay to you. Part of this involves setting boundaries. You can say no to holiday plans. You can leave events early. You can shop online instead of going into stores full of holiday reminders. The important thing is to allow yourself to determine what you will and will not do. If something is going to negatively impact your mental health, it is okay to say no.
Another strategy is to recognize that socializing can be overwhelming. Only attend gatherings that feel safe to you. Remember that you can leave gatherings early. Seeing others being cheerful can be difficult when depression is bearing down on you. This is something I deal with every year. Some years it is worse than others. What has made the biggest difference for me is recognizing that I control what I do and who I spend time with. I also remind myself that just because others are cheerful does not mean I have to be. It is okay to just be who I am and feel what I am feeling.
Another important strategy is to plan for tough times. Be aware of what your triggers are. The holidays can trigger memories, loneliness, and family tension. As you prepare for the holidays identify what affects you. Once you have identified these, make a plan to utilize coping strategies. These strategies can be anything that helps you deal with difficult times. Some suggestions include breathing exercises, walks, listening to a playlist, talking to a trusted individual. It may also be necessary to plan for an extra therapy session. Do not be afraid to schedule an extra appointment. Whatever your coping strategies, remember that you have these strategies so that you can use them. One strategy I use is extra journaling. I allow myself to write about the feelings the holidays bring up for me. Getting these feelings out of me and onto the pages of my journal provides me with a sense of relief. Spend some time considering what strategies will help you cope with the holidays.
Something I had not thought about until recent years is getting exposure to light. The holidays coincide with more darkness. The sun goes down earlier. There is less light. There is evidence that gloomier weather can dampen mood. So, plan exposure to light. Maybe go for a walk during daylight hours. There are light therapy lamps that can be used. I have never used one, but it is worth giving a try.
One more important thing to do when the holidays affect your mood is to practice being kind toward yourself. You do not have to be cheerful during the holidays. You are not less because you do not feel festive. You do not need to enjoy the holidays. Mental illness is real. There are difficult times of the year. Our mood can worsen when others expect it to be better. Remind yourself that all of this is okay. Do not judge yourself or place unrealistic expectations on yourself.
I do not know how I will handle the holidays this year. Some years are better than others for me. One thing I know is that I am allowed to feel the way I do. I am not going to judge myself. I will choose what holiday activities and events I engage in and for how long I stay. My depression is real. The holidays are difficult, but that is okay. If the holidays are difficult for you, remember that it is okay. Do what you need to do for yourself to get through the holidays.
If you have any holiday coping strategies that might help others, write them in the comments section. They just might help someone else.
