How to Find Hope When You Feel Buried by Depression

        "Sometimes when you're in a dark place, you think you've been buried, but you've 

                            actually been planted." — Christine Caine

 

                  Depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses often leave us in a dark place. I write about this often. The darkness is something I know well. When my depression is making its presence known, I feel a sense of darkness. My world darkens deeply. It is hard to function. As Caine states in the quote above, there is a sense of being buried. The darkness pushes me down. It is often suffocating. It is difficult to believe there is a way out of the darkness, but maybe Caine is onto something with the idea of being planted. 

                  Depression buries us in its negative thoughts, its hopelessness, and its suicidal ideation. It is an awful place to be. Unfortunately, I have spent a lot of time buried under the weight of depression. I know I am not alone. Depression impacts so many. As we struggle with the negative thoughts, the hopelessness, and the suicidal ideation we believe what depression is telling us. We need help climbing out of the darkness we have been buried in. 

                  Let’s consider the darkness as a place where we have been planted. We are like seeds surrounded by the darkness in the depths of the soil. In this place we cannot see the light that represents healing. We feel cold and suffocated. It does not feel like a good place. In this place we are the seed. A metaphorical definition of a seed is “a starting point”. It is intriguing to consider being at a starting point when we are buried in the darkness of depression, but what if we really are about to begin something. That something could be anything. There could be hope and possibility in the starting point. Perhaps, as we are struggling with our depression something is waiting for us on the other side of the darkness. 

                  The seed metaphor would need to include growth. Buried seeds grow into plants and flowers. What do we grow into when we are buried in the darkness of our depression? I think the answer is different for each of us. As I think about it, each time I have been buried at the deepest depths of my depression, I have survived. I have emerged from that darkness and lived. I think survival is growth from the seed. We hit rock bottom or hit any low spot. A seed can grow no matter the depth of its burial. So, whatever depths our depression takes us to, we can take root and grow into the light of healing.

                  Am I being overly optimistic? Part of me fears that I am being too hopeful. Depression is painful. It is dark. Still, each time I have been buried in the darkness I have emerged. I have grown. Sometimes I have emerged on my own. I have coping strategies that allow me to live with depression. Maybe these coping strategies are the water that feeds a seed and gives it life. My mental health team is another source of water. They encourage me and provide the hope that allows me to grow from that seed trapped in the darkness into who I am when I am feeling better. Sometimes they provide the intervention that I need to heal. Maybe their intervention is the fertilizer that I need to grow into the flower that I am supposed to be

In answer to my question, I do not believe I am being overly optimistic. I have learned from years of struggling with depression, from years of being buried in the darkness. I know what being buried feels like. I also know that I have grown into different flowers. In other words, I have overcome the depression many times and found hope in healing. As I think about the above quote, I understand that I grow from my depression. I am a stronger person each time I emerge from the darkness of the soil of depression.

                  I think the growth from the seed is part of life with depression. Like most things in nature there are cycles with depression. At times we are buried in the soil, which leaves us in the darkness. This is a painful time. With help from our coping strategies, our mental health providers, and our friends and loved ones, we grow out of the soil into the light of healing. Just like beautiful flowers we emerge from the soil. Delicate at first, we grow into flowers that reach for sunlight. As we reach for the sunlight we are living life. 

                  Depression buries us, but we can grow from this depth. We can heal when we live with depression. It is normal to go through cycles. Sometimes we are the seed buried in the soil and other times we are the blooming flower facing the sun. 

                  If you only take one thing from this post, I hope you take the idea that there is hope even in the darkness. We have been planted. We grow from of our darkness. Hope may seem out of reach when we are struggling with our depression, but hope is there.