Depression Without a Reason: Why You Can Feel Depressed Even When Life Is Good

 Why Depression Doesn't Always Have a Reason

                  There are many factors involved in living with mental illness that make life difficult. One is the idea that there must be a reason for depression. There is absolutely a biological basis to depression, but when you live with depression, you find that depression is so much more than its biological basis. There are many aspects of depression that cannot e explained. Sometimes those of us who live with depression can explain parts of our depression, but there are always parts that are difficult to explain. That is okay. We do not need to explain depression to anyone. It does help for us to understand our depression, but we need to remember that sometime the depression just is, and we need to be okay with that.

When You Feel Depressed but Don't Know Why

                  Some days I wake up and I feel the depression, but I do not know why I am feeling it. Often, I will do a quick scan of my thoughts, feelings, and emotions to determine where the depression is originating. The reason may present itself in the scan. It also may be hidden. It may just be that my mind is protecting me from the source of the depression. It could also be that my mind has had enough of the stressors it has been facing and it thrown the blanket of depression over me to say we have had enough for now. 

                  If I do not recognize a cause for the depression I am experiencing, I do not force myself to continue searching. I know that the depression needs to run its course even though I do not like the way it feels. I employ my coping strategies and try to function as best I can. I am learning to better recognize when I need to give myself a break or some grace in these times. 

Giving Yourself Grace When Living with Depression

                  What does giving myself a break or grace look like? Basically, it means not continuing to question the depression’s presence. I have learned to “let it go”. This little phrase is so important to me. I learned it decades ago when I heard the Grace Slick song titled “Let It Go.” Since then, I have been working on letting “the depression” go. It is not an easy task. I do not expect it to be. I used to be angry and frustrated that depression always smothered me. While I still am not happy about it, I better understand it and have learned to live with it. This does not mean I am expert at separating myself from the depression. What it means is when I am struggling, I know I can talk back to the depression, tell it what I need to tell, and then let it go. 

You Can Be Depressed Even When Life Is Good

                  How many of us living with depression have been asked, “But why are you depressed”? There is more. The common add-ons to that question are “you have so much going for you,” “you have so much to be happy about,” and “your life seems so good.” People want to know how we can be depressed when these add-ons are true. The answer is not a simple one, because depression is complex. Sometimes depression just is. Two things can be true. I can have a lot to be happy about and at the same time I can feel the weight of depression. The things that I can be happy about are external. Depression is internal. Depression is about how my mind makes me feel. It is not a response to what I have in life. I can wear a smile and be depressed. I can be spending time with friends and still feel the sting of depression. I can take myself so a concert, enjoy the music, and then sit numb in my car afterwards. 

Coping with Depression Without Knowing the Cause

                  I am not a psychiatrist. I do not have the biological and medical knowledge to describe what is happening from that perspective. Depression can co-exist with a lot. Depression does not need a reason for its existence in our lives. It can be present for no known reason. It is no different than an illness like cancer not needing a reason to exist in our bodies. Yes, there are cancer causing agents out there. What I mean is some of us just get cancer. There is no reason. There is no reason for the cancer that attacked me three and half years ago. The same is true for the depression that first invaded my life almost 40 years ago. Some illnesses just exist. 

                  I fight depression the same way I fought cancer. I could not let finding a reason for their existence be important. The thing that is important is fighting with everything we can. For depression that means therapy, medication, alternative treatments, coping strategies, exercise, meditation, journaling, art therapy, and many other things. None of these require me to know why I experience depression. Of course, it may be discussed in therapy, but there the purpose is not to give the depression a reason for existing. We discuss all aspects of depression in therapy to better understand what we need to do to stand up to the depression, cope with it, and live with it. 

Stop Asking Why and Focus on How to Cope

                  We do not need to give others a reason for why we are feeling depressed. I never gave anyone a reason for why I had cancer. I am not going to give anyone a reason for depression. If you live with depression, it is okay to not have a reason for its existence. Focus on how you are going to cope with the illness. Do not ask depression why. Instead, we need to say “Okay, I know depression is here. What am I going to do about it?” 

 

 

Depression and Feeling Out of Place: When Even Simple Things Feel Overwhelming

                  Depression is difficult to live with. It can bury us in darkness. It can feel like a heavy weight pushing us down. These are aspects of depression that are commonly discussed when depression is allowed to be discussed. There are other aspects of depression that deserve attention. These include being overwhelmed by what seem like simple decisions, not knowing how to express what we are feeling, loneliness, and a feeling of being out of place. Each of these on their own are difficult to manage. When they build up together, what seem like the milder symptoms of depression are magnified.

                  Today I would like to discuss these. I have experienced each. I know so many others have, too. We each experience these symptoms in different ways, but there are commonalities. One important commonality is that each requires support. In some cases that support needs to be professional. In other instances, a friend or family member can be a source of support. 

 

Why Depression Makes Simple Decisions Feel Overwhelming

                  When we are depressed simple decisions like what to make for dinner, can become overwhelming. We might have difficulty deciding what to wear. Deciding whether we should go to the grocery store in the morning or afternoon can become an overwhelming decision. In my experience, it is not necessarily the decision itself that is overwhelming. It is the need to make the decision. 

As an example, today I tried to get new tires. The service guy said I could try to walk in tomorrow or schedule an appointment for Saturday. Because I am struggling with depression right now, this decision is looming over me, and I cannot decide between the two. I wanted to ask someone to help me decide, but I could not decide who to ask. So, as I write this, the decision is still unmade. I am likely to stress over it again later. This is one of the ways depression works in my life.

 

What makes decision-making difficult when we have depression

·      Low-Energy – This is a common effect of depression that makes it difficult to generate the mental effort necessary to make choices. 

·      Difficulty Concentrating – Since depression can affect attention and working memory, it can be difficult to store and use the information necessary to make decisions.

·      Indecisiveness – Every choice can feel uncertain or very important. When this happens making even a simple choice becomes difficult.

·      Negative Thinking – When we live with depression, we often focus on the negative. This can make choices feel riskier. As this happens, it is difficult to decide.

·      Self-Doubt – Another aspect of depression is the tendency to believe we cannot do something or that we are always wrong. This type of thinking leads to self-doubt and can impact our ability to make decisions.

 

Why Depression Can Make It Difficult to Express Feelings

                  Sometimes despite how strong our feelings can be, it may be difficult to express what we are feeling. We might have difficulty saying, “I feel really down right now,” or “Everything feels so heavy.” This is not uncommon when we are struggling with depression. The feelings and/or thoughts feel so strong in our minds, but when we try to express them, we freeze. Sometimes it is because our mind is overwhelmed and does not know what to say. Other times it is because we experience a type of paralysis that freezes our ability to share what we are feeling. Maybe our brains are telling us that no one else will understand or that no one else will care. When we start thinking like this, we shrink into ourselves and do not feel safe sharing what we are feeling. 

                  Sometimes we can express how we are feeling abstractly, but do not know how to express it in a way others will understand. We might not take the risk of sharing because what we created as an expression of our feelings seems like something others would not understand. We shut down and do not share how we are feeling.

 

Depression, Loneliness, and Social Isolation

                  I think loneliness is growing problem in society even with people who are not living with depression. Technology has taken over our lives and led us to be farther apart. With depression, loneliness is a common issue. We feel like others will not understand us. We fear rejection because of our illness. So, we retreat into ourselves, unable to share what we are going through. This leads to isolation that while often self-imposed, makes us feel lonely. We might feel like we are too different for others to want to interact with us. 

                  Many things can occur when we isolate because of depression. We might see an increase in negative thoughts. Withdrawing from social activities can lead to increased withdrawal. When we are stuck by ourselves, we have far fewer positive experiences. This can make our depression feel worse. Our symptoms can become more overwhelming. The more we withdraw, the more we lose motivation to be involved with others. Maybe an even more serious issue is that withdrawing into loneliness can lead to increased hopelessness. 

 

Why Depression Can Make You Feel Out of Place

                  One thing that can happen with depression is a feeling out of place, disconnected, or like we do not belong. We can feel this separation even when we are around other people. Sometimes it is because we have difficulty connecting with others emotionally. We might feel numb or detached, which can make it difficult to interact with others. Living with depression can give us a sense of being different. We might feel like others cannot possibly understand what we are going through. 

                  Depression can lead us to lose interest in socializing or activities we used to enjoy. This may not mean that we do not want to socialize or engage in activities we once enjoyed. It means we have lost the ability to get ourselves motivated to do be social or participate in things. It might be that we just do not feel like we belong with others. Or it may be that there is so much going on in our minds that we do not have the capacity to be involved with others. There can be this sense of feeling out of place because it might look like everything is coming so easy to others while we are struggling just to get by. That feeling of being out of place is generated by depression and increases depression at the same time. This is a reminder of just how difficult it can be to live with depression.

 

What Can Help When Depression Feels Overwhelming?

                  Living with depression is difficult. We cannot dismiss how difficult even the little things can be. I refer to them as little things, but they really are not that little. Whether it is being overwhelmed or feeling out of place, depression can rob us of our ability to interact with others and to engage in life. Depression can make what should be simple things difficult. But we need to remember that we can get through depression. There are things we can do to help ourselves through difficult times. 

 

Strategies to Get through the Tough Times

·      Talk to a mental health provider – The support they can provide is valuable and can make a difference.

·      Pre-write scripts to use when we do not have the words to express what we are feeling or what we need. We can keep these in a journal, on our restroom mirror, or on our phone. 

·      Chat with a friend or loved one – We can provide these individuals ways to recognize we are struggling in advance. This can help them know we are struggling and know how to help.

·      Attend a support group – This can be a way to share with others who are experiencing similar situations. NAMI has support groups throughout the country. Check out NAMI Connection.

·      Try practicing what we want to say to others about what we are going through or how we want to socialize with a beloved pet. This takes the scariness out of the conversation and allows us to practice what we need to say and or do.

·      Engage in an activity that calms or energizes us. Practice these activities when doing well so that when we need to engage in them for support, the activities will help us. 

 

    Depression is difficult. Some days will be more difficult than others. Being aware of what we need to get through difficult times is important and can make a difference. It is also important to be kind to ourselves. That is not an easy thing to do when we live with depression, but we need to try.

 

Spring Depression Is Real: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Cope

                When we think about the seasons affecting depression, we usually think about depression worsening in the winter months. Many of us struggle more during winter, but our depression can be affected by other seasons. Spring is a time when many people expect to feel better. As winter ends, we often expect our mood to lighten with sunnier days. Unfortunately, this does not always happen. There is a variation of seasonal affective disorder that arises during the spring. In this post I am going to focus on how our depression might be present in the spring months. 

                  First, a quick look at symptoms we might see during the spring. These symptoms are not limited to the spring. When we live with depression these symptoms can be present year-round, but these symptoms might increase or change during spring.

 

·      Low mood or lingering sadness

·      Anxiety or restlessness (often higher than in winter months)

·      Trouble sleeping (insomnia or disrupted sleep cycles)

·      Irritability or agitation

·      Loss of motivation or feeling “off”

·      Difficulty concentrating

        We might think that our moods should improve as spring arrives. Days are longer. There is more sunlight. Days are brighter. Our mood should be brighter, too, right? Not always. There are several reasons why our mood might drop and why we might experience the symptoms listed above.

                  One reason is a disruption in circadian rhythm. Our internal clock might be thrown off by the longer hours of daylight. This can impact sleep patterns. When our sleep patterns are disrupted, we can experience insomnia. That insomnia can affect our mood negatively. Maintaining regular sleep patterns is an important part of stabilizing our mood. It may take time to adjust to the longer hours of daylight. There are also hormonal changes as our bodies adjust to being exposed to more light. 

                  Spring brings increased social pressures. We may expect ourselves to be happy as the season changes. Often, we expect ourselves to be more socially active. There is more sunlight. We might think that means we need to get out and do things. This leads to thinking that we should be more productive. We see others who seem more energized. As we place these expectations on ourselves and see others who are engaged, our mood can be affected. We might experience an increase in depression.  

                  Spring can bring busier schedules and more obligations. We are emerging from the cocoon of winter. As our schedules become fuller, we may place pressure on ourselves to accomplish everything. Sometimes this pressure becomes unrealistic. Spring seems like the time to get things done. There is that concept of “spring cleaning” where we clean out the old and start new. This can create a pressure that allows our depression to move to the forefront of our lives. Our brains scream that they are overwhelmed with everything spring brings. 

                  As we struggle with the depression, we see an external environment that does not match how we are feeling. Spring brings sunshine and blooming flowers. Everyone around us seems to be in a good mood. We start to question why we do not feel “happy”. We think something is wrong with us. This increases the depression that has already slipped into our lives. As a result, we might isolate more. We might doubt our abilities. Depression takes over. 

                  How do we cope with spring depression? There are a few things we can do to ease the depression. Of course, first is to maintain our treatments. If we are taking medication, in therapy, and/or receiving a non-traditional treatment, we need to continue with those and not let there be an interruption to that care. What else can we do?

 

·      Stabilize our routine: This includes keeping consistent sleep/wake times. It also means not overcommitting socially or with work.

·      Be intentional with sunlight: Let ourselves gradually get more sunlight. This gradual process will prevent feeling overwhelmed by increased sunlight. 

·      Manage anxiety: We can experience increased anxiety during spring. So, it is important to practice our coping strategies. This can include breathing exercises, grounding techniques, mindfulness activities, gentle stretching, and journaling. 

·      Lower expectations: We do not need to be ready for the changes spring brings right away. We should remind ourselves that we only need to do what we are able to do. We do not need to keep up with what we see others doing. Our pace is just that, our pace and our pace is just what we need. 

·      Stay connected: Talking to a loved one or friend we trust can be important. It helps us share what we are feeling and receive support. It is also important to keep our appointments with our mental health professionals. They are key in supporting us through the changes new seasons might bring.

        Seeking help might be necessary. We all experience difficulties with our mentalhealth at times. When these difficulties persist, symptoms interfere with daily functioning, or we have increased anxiety, panic, or hopelessness, and/or decreased mood it is important to reach out to a mental health professional. Reaching out for professional health is important. It is not only a sign of strength, but also a sign that we value our mental health. Awareness that we need help with our mental health is a key aspect of healing. Seeking help is also a normal action. We would see a doctor if we had an issue with our physical health. We should do the same with our mental health.

                  Often, spring is thought of as a time new beginnings and growth. Not all of us experience spring that way. That is okay. Spring can affect each of us differently. Spring can be difficult. It is not all sunshine and flowers. When we struggle the first step is awareness. If you recognize any of the symptoms above or feel that you are struggling with an aspect of your mental health, it is okay to seek help. Seeking help is normal whatever season it is.

                  Let me end with a thought for all of us to reflect on: What does my mind need this season, not what the world expects, rather what does my mind need?