Seeing Yourself Healing: Finding Hope While Living with Depression and Anxiety

Words have been jumping out at me lately. Whether lyrics in a song or something someone says, words just seem bolder to me at times. Maybe it is the poet in me who is always looking for the words to write the next great poem. Perhaps, it is my desire to understand myself better. Whatever it is, I heard words last night that struck a chord in me even though I have heard these words many times. 

                  I laid in bed listening to a recording of a hypnosis my psychologist recorded for me. The words “see yourself healing” jumped out at me. These words reminded me that I cannot deal with depression and anxiety if I do not see myself healing. I need to envision what healing looks like if I am to heal. 

The words were spoken directly to me by my psychologist, but I think this is a message for all of us who are living with mental illness. We need to know what healing looks like for us in order to heal. Each of us will have a different picture of healing. We each are our own individual. We share some commonalities, but we are each unique. Healing will reflect both our differences and our commonalities. Each of us determines what our healing looks like. 

To make that determination, we need to recognize that healing can be a messy journey. Healing is not linear and there can be many obstacles or hiccups along the way. There may be times when we are at a point of healing, but that time can be followed by a downward spiral. Our journey towards healing can be bumpy. The key is to hold on.

                  I have been on this healing journey for a long time. It seems like I have been on it my whole life. Still, there are times where I am unsure of what healing looks like for me. Is it when I am coping well? Is it the absence of symptoms? I have had different experiences that at the time have looked like healing, but as weeks, months went by the healing disappeared. So, I am left to question was I really healed. The answer has to be yes. 

                  I think this is where the idea that healing is not linear comes into play. If healing were a straight line, we would go from mental illness to being healed completely. That does not happen. If that does not happen, how do we see ourselves healing? I have given it some thought. I think the way we see ourselves healing is by creating an image of what we would be like on our best days. This image is our goal, but it is not the only way to define healing. Healing is also progress in the direction of that image. Healing is also taking the steps necessary to move ourselves in a positive direction. Healing is also giving ourselves grace on the days that do not look like healing. Really, healing can take many forms. 

                  Depression and anxiety are a struggle. There are days when I feel like I am moving in the direction of healing, but there are days when I struggle and lose sight of my picture of healing. I think it is all part of the journey. I need to work on visualizing my picture of healing. That would allow me to “see’ it during the times I am struggling. 

                  I think seeing ourselves healing is an important aspect of the treatment of mental illness. Creating this image allows us to play an active part in our treatment and healing. Visualization exercises, meditation, and self-hypnosis can all help us learn to see ourselves healing. 

                  There is a saying that seeing is believing. I think maybe that has some truth to it. If we can see our healing in our minds, we can move towards healing and be better able to live with mental illness. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Depression Recovery: Why Small Victories Matter More Than You Think

Depression is difficult to live with. Depression affects our motivation, our energy levels, our concentration, our decision-making skills, our self-care abilities, and our feelings of accomplishment. With any or all these things being affected by depression, it can be difficult to experience success in the way society tends to view it. For many of us with depression, it is important that we adjust how we define success.

Healing, or recovery, can be difficult to define because they can look different for each person. Healing can even look different for the same person at different times in their life. One thing we need to avoid when we discuss healing is absolutes. Healing does not mean the depressive symptoms are completely gone. Healing is a process. Since it is a process, we need to recognize the small victories in the healing process. 

Why Small Wins Matter in Depression Recovery

                  Small victories are the little things we notice as depression is lifting. A victory might be getting out of bed in the morning. It might be going 24 hours without a suicidal thought. It might be engaging with a friend. Small victories are the steps that show depression is lifting. One way I know I am coming out of a depressive episode is that I see more color in the world around me. Another way I know I am healing is I isolate less. These are small things on their own, but when look at them through the lens of the healing process, they are important. 

                  There have been times when even the small things have seemed impossible for me. When depression is at its worse, I struggle to function. Simple self-care activities are difficult. Keeping my house clean becomes difficult. I set something down and don’t have the willpower to put it where it belongs. Making a meal for myself can be difficult. There have been times when just washing a couple dishes or washing a load of laundry is an accomplishment. It may seem silly to think of one of these activities as a victory, but it shows how difficult depression can make our lives. 

                  I have been lucky that despite depression ravaging my life, I have been able to work most of that time. Many people are not as lucky. There have been days when just walking in the door at work has been a success for me. Unfortunately, I cannot say that depression has not impacted me at work. The days, even the moments when I have been able to function enough to work effectively are successes.

A Simple Exercise to Recognize Your Progress

                  If you are reading this and you live with depression, I want you to try something. Look at your life. Write down five small things that are difficult for you because of depression. There may be more, but let’s start with five. You can add more later. Next to each one, write what it looks like when you accomplish it. Then I want you to write an equal sign (=) after each description. After each description write the word “victory”. Keep this paper where you can easily access it to remind that you can achieve victories. It does not need to be all five at once. Maybe it is just one today and a different one tomorrow. The important thing is recognizing the small victories over depression. 

                  If you are reading this and you do not live with depression, I want you to go back and read that last paragraph. Now, make a list of small things you do without thinking about it. These are your small victories. The difference is these do not require the same effort from you. What if you could not do these things? What if something as seemingly simple as taking a shower was difficult for you? What if returning a text message took effort from you? This is what life with depression is like. 

Small Victories Add Up

                  Small victories add up. They add up at different paces for each of us. We may have setbacks. We made do more on one day than another. We may have days when depression knocks us completely out and we do not do anything. All this is okay. It is part of the healing process. 

I think one of the important parts of healing is recognizing that it is a process. It is actually a lifelong process because depression is an illness. For most of us it is more than just passing episode. I try to remember that there are going to be times when I am doing well and there are going to be times when I struggle. To do this I need to remain focused on the small victories. For example, having a conversation with the techs when I receive TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) or esketamine, is one way I measure my small victories. If I can have a conversation, I know I am improving. I know I am less depressed. 

Depression makes life tough. Those of us who live with it must be tough. We may not recognize how tough we are. That is because depression screams the opposite it in our heads. The truth is we work hard to do the small things. We deserve to recognize these accomplishments. We also need to know that small victories add up. As we do the small things, we increase our ability to do harder things. By focusing on the small things, we can fight our way back into life. We can fight depression and be well. This does not mean we will not fall back into the darkness of depression at times, but if we focus on the small victories, we can keep ourselves on the healing journey.