Self-care is something that is frequently talked in relation to mental health. While it is important to engage in self-care, there are some self-care myths that can actually harm our mental health. This is something I had not really given much thought. However, as I have the summer off from work. I am a teacher. So, I get the summers off. I have been hoping to engage in self-care. I am trying to figure out what that looks like. In that search I have discovered that there are self-care myths that we can get trapped in.
Usually, self-care is seen in a positive light. What could be bad about putting ourselves first and taking care of ourselves? Focusing on self-care can unintentionally lead to stress or guilt. We can put pressure on ourselves to engage in self-care. We might fear that we are doing it wrong. These are some of the myths. Let’s talk about a few more.
Often, people think of self-care as being relaxing. Think bubble baths and candles. There is more to self-care. It is not always a relaxing activity. Sometimes self-care is taking care of things we need to get done. An example might be scheduling a therapy appointment. Therapy is an important part of healing. The appointments don’t schedule themselves. So, self-care might include taking care of scheduling that appointment. This is not relaxing, but it is part of self-care.
Self-care can also include doing the hard things that we need to get done to feel better about ourselves. This might include having a difficult conversation or setting a boundary. Self-care might include doing something that is hard to do because of depression or anxiety. While these do not sound like self-care, they are supporting our long-term well-being. In doing the hard stuff, we allow ourselves to feel better in the long-term. That is self-care. It is not always easy.
This leads to another self-care myth. Self-care does not always mean we will feel better immediately. An example is that it might take time to learn how to meditate and feel relief from it. So, while initial attempts at meditation might not make us feel good, with practice we can develop the ability to gain benefits from meditation. The same is true for other common self-care practices. Taking our medication or receiving a treatment is a form of self-care because we are doing what we need to heal. However, medications and treatments can take time to work. Remember just because an activity takes time to work, doesn’t mean it is not working. Self-care is not always a quick fix.
Even self-care practices that we normally find relief from can require time to work or may work one day and not the next. An example from my life is that usually writing is a form of self-care for me. There are times, however, when writing overwhelms me. I understand that sometimes I need to step away from a self-care practice for a bit. Maybe I put my pen down for a few hours and try something else. I need to remember that self-care practices do not always work as we expect. It is okay to try different things. Self-care can be about exploration. We can explore different means of self-care and build a bag of self-care activities. Just because something is labeled as self-care that does not ensure that it will always provide relief or be a quick fix.
A myth that sometimes pops up is that self-care looks the same for everyone. This simply is not true. What works for one person may not work for someone else. We can try different things. There are a lot of factors that go into choosing the right self-care activity. Factors can be affected by interests, cultural values, personality, finances, health, and many other things. We can all build our own self-care practice using what works for us. We are all unique individuals. As such, we can each define what self-care looks like for us.
Another myth is that if a self-care activity isn’t working, we are doing it wrong. Sometimes our mental illness can impact how certain activities work for us. We also need to remember that we need mental health treatment in addition to the self-care activities. Self-care activities are not intended to replace or be instead of mental healthcare treatment. Self-care should be an add-on to treatment.
Along with this, we need to remember that self-care is more than positive thinking. How many of us have been told to “just think positive”? I hate that. Positive thinking can be helpful as we battle mental illness, but it is not enough. Positive thinking does not make mental illness magically disappear. So, it is a myth that positive thinking Is a self-care practice that can alleviate depression or other mental illnesses.
Self-care is about making choices that benefit our well-being. It is about engaging in practices that make us feel better even if there is a delayed effect. Self-care is truly personal. What works for one person may not work for someone else. We need to find what works for us. We do not need to believe what others tell us about self-care or aspire to have the same experience someone else has with a type of self-care. Bubble baths and candles might work for the social media influencer, but that does not mean we need to enjoy a candlelit bubble bath.
Our goal with self-care is to be able to care for ourselves on the good days and the bad ones. Our self-care is going to be unique to each of us. Don’t believe the myths or the hype surrounding self-care. We each can find what works for us. We must accept that this can take time and work. Talk to your mental healthcare provider about what self-care might look like for you. Ask for ideas. They know you and can make suggestions. They can also help you process your ideas for self-care. At the end of the day, self-care is what we make of it. Self-care is unique to us, and we need to be patient enough to give our chosen activities time to have an effect.
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