Living with depression is difficult for many reasons. It is never easy. One difficult aspect of depression is the disparaging thoughts in our minds. I have fought these thoughts most of my life. It has taken a lot of work, but I have learned some strategies to push back on these thoughts. These strategies are not foolproof, but they have helped me navigate life with depression.
I would like to share some of these strategies. I do not use all of them. If you are living with depression’s disparaging thoughts, try the strategies that seem like they might work for you. Keep the others in the back of your mind.
One important thing to remember is that we cannot force the disparaging thoughts to disappear. Our goal should be to create distance between ourselves and the thoughts. We also want to change the way we respond to the disparaging thoughts.
Strategies for Approaching Disparaging Thoughts
· Name the thought instead of accepting it – Let’s say a thought is telling us we are worthless. Instead of accepting that thought, try telling yourself “I am having a thought that I am worthless. By doing this we are shifting our thought process and allowing ourselves to remember that our mind is producing a thought, not giving a fact.
· Ask yourself if you would say this to someone you love – Usually when we are having disparaging thoughts, they are thoughts we would never say to a loved one. It is important that we recognize this. When a thought enters our mind, we can ask ourselves if we would say that to someone we cared about. If the answer is no, then we need to tell the thought that it is hurtful and not something we are going to hold on to.
· Look for depressions go-to words – There are words that the disparaging thoughts controlled by depression frequently throw at us. These words include always, never, everyone, nobody, worthless, failure, hopeless, and should. These words are a clear indication that depression is lying to us. When we hear these words in our thoughts, we can tell depression that we know it is lying to us. Those words carry absolutes, which are never true. When a thought is told in an absolute, it is lying.
· Don’t argue with every thought – Depression throws a lot of thoughts at us. We cannot possibly fight back with every thought. Sometimes we just need to say something like, “I know depression is talking to me at the moment, but I do not need to deal with that thought right now.”
· Be more neutral in your response to a disparaging thought – We do not have to respond with positivity to every thought. Being overly positive can take strength that we just do not have when we are struggling with depression. We might tell ourselves something like, “I am struggling right now, but struggling does not determine my worth.”
· Come back to the present and your body – It might be helpful to try to break out of the disparaging thoughts physically. Try one or more of these: take slow breaths, put your feet on the ground, notice five things around you, take a shower, step outside, or hold something cold. These are little things that might be enough to break us out of the thought pattern.
· Write the thought down – After you have written it, try writing the answers to these questions: what happened, what are you telling yourself it means, what evidence supports this interpretation, what evidence doesn’t support it, and what would be a fairer interpretation.
· Give yourself permission to postpone judgement – There is a simple sentence we can repeat to ourselves that can be powerful. Try saying: “I don’t need to decide what my life means while I am in the middle of a depressive episode.” This allows us to step away from the disparaging thought.
· Stay connected to the people in your life – Depression has the ability of grabbing us and pulling us into its lair. If we can reach out to someone in our life who cares about us or who can be supportive, they can help us see the world outside of depression.
I think one of the important things to remember is that we are not likely to rid ourselves of every disparaging thought depression wants to hurl at us. We can soften the blows by using these strategies. It is important to notice the thoughts and realize that they are just thoughts. They are not reality. By noticing disparaging thoughts and allowing ourselves to step away from them by using the above strategies, we take back some of the control depression hold over us. We will not be perfect at this overnight. I know I still struggle and need reminders. That is okay. We are human and being human means we will struggle with some things.
One thing that might help is to copy the strategies that you find most useful. Keep the list in an easily accessible place. Reach for it when the disparaging thoughts start to surface in your mind. Another Idea might be to share the strategies that help you with a friend or loved one who you can turn to when you are struggling. They can remind you to use a strategy from your list.
Depression is not easy to live with. Even with treatment there can be difficult times. With some work, we gain the upper hand. Noticing disparaging thoughts for the lies that they are is a first step. Find the strategies that work for you. If you have other strategies, please share them in the comments so that we all can benefit.
Lastly, if you are struggling to the point where none of these strategies work, reach out to a mental health provider for help. You can always contact the 988 Lifeline for assistance and connection to help. If you are in immediate danger, please call 911 or go the nearest emergency room.
