Words have been jumping out at me lately. Whether lyrics in a song or something someone says, words just seem bolder to me at times. Maybe it is the poet in me who is always looking for the words to write the next great poem. Perhaps, it is my desire to understand myself better. Whatever it is, I heard words last night that struck a chord in me even though I have heard these words many times.
I laid in bed listening to a recording of a hypnosis my psychologist recorded for me. The words “see yourself healing” jumped out at me. These words reminded me that I cannot deal with depression and anxiety if I do not see myself healing. I need to envision what healing looks like if I am to heal.
The words were spoken directly to me by my psychologist, but I think this is a message for all of us who are living with mental illness. We need to know what healing looks like for us in order to heal. Each of us will have a different picture of healing. We each are our own individual. We share some commonalities, but we are each unique. Healing will reflect both our differences and our commonalities. Each of us determines what our healing looks like.
To make that determination, we need to recognize that healing can be a messy journey. Healing is not linear and there can be many obstacles or hiccups along the way. There may be times when we are at a point of healing, but that time can be followed by a downward spiral. Our journey towards healing can be bumpy. The key is to hold on.
I have been on this healing journey for a long time. It seems like I have been on it my whole life. Still, there are times where I am unsure of what healing looks like for me. Is it when I am coping well? Is it the absence of symptoms? I have had different experiences that at the time have looked like healing, but as weeks, months went by the healing disappeared. So, I am left to question was I really healed. The answer has to be yes.
I think this is where the idea that healing is not linear comes into play. If healing were a straight line, we would go from mental illness to being healed completely. That does not happen. If that does not happen, how do we see ourselves healing? I have given it some thought. I think the way we see ourselves healing is by creating an image of what we would be like on our best days. This image is our goal, but it is not the only way to define healing. Healing is also progress in the direction of that image. Healing is also taking the steps necessary to move ourselves in a positive direction. Healing is also giving ourselves grace on the days that do not look like healing. Really, healing can take many forms.
Depression and anxiety are a struggle. There are days when I feel like I am moving in the direction of healing, but there are days when I struggle and lose sight of my picture of healing. I think it is all part of the journey. I need to work on visualizing my picture of healing. That would allow me to “see’ it during the times I am struggling.
I think seeing ourselves healing is an important aspect of the treatment of mental illness. Creating this image allows us to play an active part in our treatment and healing. Visualization exercises, meditation, and self-hypnosis can all help us learn to see ourselves healing.
There is a saying that seeing is believing. I think maybe that has some truth to it. If we can see our healing in our minds, we can move towards healing and be better able to live with mental illness.
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