On 9/25/26, most of the country celebrated 9 2 5 Day in honor of Dolly Parton. I grew up knowing Dolly Parton as a country singer. My dad had several of her albums. I especially remember a Christmas album featuring Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers. He would play that over and over as he prepared the fish for our Italian American Christmas Eve family gathering. Of course, I also remember watching the movie 9 to 5.
So, my early memories of Dolly Parton are as a musician. In the last few years, I have learned more about Dolly the person. I have learned about all she has done to help others. There is her Imagination Library that places books in the hands of children promoting literacy. There are all her donations. The ones that have been mentioned since her passing in August are just a few of the donations she has made throughout her lifetime. As we listen to it all, there is an underlying theme, which I think Dolly herself would ask us to focus on, kindness. We all need to be kind.
Okay, this is a depression blog. Why am I talking about Dolly Parton? She did not suffer from depression. At least not that I know of. Her charitable work did not center on mental health. It is her mission to be kind to everyone that resonates with me at this moment. I find myself connecting it to depression. There are a couple ways kindness and depression are connected that jump out at me.
Being Kind to Our Minds: Challenging Negative Self-Talk
Often, when we live with depression, negativity takes over our lives. There is a darkness that settles over us. This darkness clouds how we feel about ourselves and how we see the world around us. We might have negative thoughts running through our minds. We might use self-talk that is defeating or hurtful. My experience is that once the negative thoughts about myself get going, it is difficult to stop them.
What if by being kind to ourselves when we use self-talk, we could lift some of the depression? Kindness itself cannot make the negative thought patterns and the hurtful words we say to ourselves disappear. Turning a hurtful word into something kind might be able to give us a little boost. It might give us a moment of feeling better despite the darkness that floats around us.
We can be kind to our minds by using phrases such as “I am trying my best”, “Things are hard right now, but I am doing the best I can,” or “Depression places a heavy weight on me. It is okay to go through bad times.” These phrases are an attempt to be kind. Being kind to ourselves might be giving a quick smile in the mirror. It could be engaging in an activity we enjoy or once enjoyed. Being kind to ourselves might be saying,”Today has been difficult. I am going to give myself a break.”
We can also talk back to negative thinking. Maybe use a little sass, the way Dolly Parton sometimes acted. Comments to ourselves such as, “Hey, Depression, you are not in control. This is my mind. I get to determine how I feel.” We can turn being kind to our minds into whatever we need at the moment. There is a saying, “Kill them with kindness”. Maybe that is what we need to do to our minds when depression is in control.
Being Kind to Others: How Small Acts of Kindness Can Make a Difference
From the stories I have read or seen since she passed away, it is clear that Dolly believed in being kind to everyone. Dolly did little things and big things to let kindness grow around her. Just as it is important to be kind to ourselves, it is important to be kind to others.I know sounds like a cliche, but we should be kind to others because we never know what someone else is going through. Being kind can make a difference in the lives of others.
I think about it this way. What if we encounter someone who is struggling with depression and maybe even contemplating taking their life? We are not going to know this about them just from being around them or maybe even from talking to them. How do we want to treat this person? Treating this person with kindness might make a difference in what they do next.
Let me share from personal experience. There have been times when the depression I live with has been overwhelming. I have had suicidal thoughts. In these moments I usually withdraw into myself. At the same time these moments are lonely and isolating. What if someone took a moment to be kind to me? Could that change things? It might not erase the depression or even the suicidal thoughts, but it might interrupt those enough for me to get help. It might make me feel a little better about myself.
A Little Kindness Can Go a Long Way
Approaching everyone as if we do not know what they are going through, can help others. It does not take much. A compliment. Holding a door open. Saying “hi”. Asking someone how they are. These are small examples of being kind. We can take being kind further. Maybe we bring cookies to a medical appointment. Maybe paying for the person behind you when you pick up your morning coffee. Giving a small, unexpected gift. Complimenting someone. These are all examples of how we can be kind to others.
Most of us do not have the means to be kind on the level Dolly Parton was able to be kind. That is okay. The important thing is the act of kindness, not the size of the kindness. Can we each make an effort to do something kind every day? How much would that change our community? How much would that change us?
As someone living with depression, I know that when I am struggling, an act of kindness can lift my mood. I know I missed 9 2 5 Day, but I am hoping that by taking the time to share that kindness can help a person living with depression, maybe we can move toward more understanding of mental illness.