Can Depression Be Overcome with Willpower?
Many of us who live with depression and/or anxiety have been told we just need to push through it or use willpower to overcome what is bothering us. I cannot stress enough how asinine this expectation is. The reasons this effort to “help” those of living with these mental health disorders are ridiculous are numerous. As someone who has experienced being told that I just need to tell myself that I am fine or that I just need to smile, I can speak at length on this topic. So, let’s look at the reasons why no one should be expected to use their willpower to overcome a mental illness.
Depression and Anxiety Are Real Medical Conditions
First and foremost, depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders are medical conditions. They have a biological basis in the brain and nervous system. As such, these disorders require psychological or psychiatric intervention. We cannot overcome depression by just saying we will overcome it. We cannot stop being anxious just by saying “I am not anxious.” It would be like telling someone with cancer to just think positive and the cancer will go away or telling someone with a broken bone to just focus on the bone mending. No one would do either of these. People recognize that medical professionals need to intervene to cure cancer or to set a broken bone. We need to build an understanding that mental health disorders require medical professionals in the fields of psychiatry and psychology to treat mental health disorders.
There are coping strategies that are not medically or biologically based that can help ease some symptoms of mental health disorders. I have written about many on this blog. The difference between using a coping strategy and treating a mental health disorder is that coping strategies are focused on easing symptoms while treating a mental health disorder is focused on curing or dealing with the disorder itself. A coping strategy cannot make a mental health disorder go away. When a psychiatrist or other mental health professional treats depression, anxiety, or other disorder, they are focused on the origins of the disorder and how to alleviate symptoms to move the person toward healthier living.
Why “Just Think Positive” Can Make Depression Feel Worse
When a person tells someone with a depression, anxiety, or other mental health disorder to smile or try harder, it implies that the person is at fault. It calls out the person for not trying hard enough when that person has a medical condition that they did nothing to cause. These types of comments can create heavy self-blame in a person when their efforts are not enough. Imagine living with a condition that causes you to have negative thoughts and to feel a weight bearing down on top of you. Now, imagine living with that and having some tell you to think positive. When we live with mental health disorders our minds are already on overload with negative or anxious thoughts. Adding the expectation that we just need to think positive makes us feel worse. We feel like what we are feeling is somehow our fault. Our brains are wired to carry the negative. We do not need to have expectations that will lead to failure forced upon us.
Speaking for myself, I feel bad enough about living with depression and anxiety. My thoughts turn negative because of my disorders. There is a medical reason for my condition. If someone tells me I just need the willpower to stop the depression and anxiety, I am likely to shut down. I am going to feel pressure to do something that cannot be done without therapy and treatment. The person making these comments may have good intentions, but those intentions are lost in their inaccuracy and hurtfulness.
Why Telling Someone with Depression to “Try Harder” Can Be Harmful
Telling a person with a mental health disorder that they just need to try harder, or they need to think positive thoughts invalidates the pain the person is experiencing. It makes the false assumption that the mental health disorder can be healed with willpower. That makes it seem like the pain we experience is not real. Since mental health pain cannot be seen on the “outside”, it may not seem real to others. To the person experiencing the mental pain, it is very real. It can be debilitating. We cannot overcome things such as suicidal thoughts or intense anxiety just by saying we want to. Assuming we can, invalidates our pain and makes it seem like it is not real. Anyone who has experienced suicidal thoughts, intense anxiety, or deep depression can tell you how real these are. We do not need to be invalidated by others who do not understand.
How to Support Someone With Depression Without Invalidating Their Feelings
Living with a mental health disorder is difficult. Yes, we can reach points in our healing journey where we are doing well, but the disorder always lurks. We are always aware of it. If others recognized that what we experience is real and that willpower is not the answer to our problems, it would help us to feel accepted. It would reduce the stigma we feel. Trust me, we want to feel better. It is not a matter of wanting it enough or willpower. No amount of positive thinking can cure a mental health disorder.
So, if you are reading this and you know someone with a mental health disorder, be careful in how you talk to them. Remember that their mental illness is a real illness and as such they need care from a mental health professional not a sermon on willpower.
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