I saw something on social media that said, “Setbacks are part of the healing process. They do not mean your recovery is moving backwards.” This struck me. I know when I have setbacks in life whether with my depression and anxiety or some other aspect of my life, I struggle to not view them as setbacks. I often need help refocusing. Thankfully, I have mental health providers who help me with this. Today I would like to reflect on this idea.
Why Depression Makes Setbacks Feel Like Failure
What if when depression is telling us that we are moving backwards, we could stop and change the thought? One way we can do this is by reminding ourselves that thoughts are not always facts. They are simply what are mind is telling us at the moment. If a thought is beating us up about a setback, it is only concerned with the moment. The thought is not seeing the bigger picture of our healing. Just writing this is hard for me. I know it is true, but I also know how much I struggle with this idea.
Our mind is full of thoughts. Some are based on what is real. Others are based on what our mind thinks are true. These can be influenced by many factors, including depression and anxiety. Depression is going to put a negative spin on anything it can. For example, when I am struggling with depression, my mind tells me to focus on the thoughts depression is telling me. Let’s say I am feeling the weight of depression, and I have things I need to finish for work. Depression is going to control my thoughts and have me thinking that I cannot possibly finish. It tells me I am incapable of doing my job and spin further into depression.
Another example might be when I have a setback. Maybe depression keeps me in bed all day on a Saturday. I will view this as a setback. My mind will start telling me that the depression is in control. Thoughts saying that I will never get past the depression start to build up. This is a pattern that I am used. It may not always be staying in bed all day. Other examples include sitting in my recliner doomscrolling, not being able to wash the dishes, freezing up when I try to talk to someone, and having suicidal thoughts. These take on the look of setbacks to me. My thoughts say that the depression is winning and that I am moving backwards instead of healing.
I know I am not alone in this. Others with depression have similar experiences. These experiences make us believe that we cannot overcome the depression or that healing has been derailed. What do we do in these times?
Remember That a Setback Is Not the End of Your Recovery
First, we need to remember that a setback is not the final destination. It is easy for me to write that sentence here. Not as easy for me to remember it when I have a setback in my healing. As hard as it is to get ourselves to remember, it is true that setbacks are not the final destination. Healing is a journey. We need to remember that. There will be setbacks along the way. Setbacks are difficult and depression likes to tell us that the setback is the end. Depression wants us to give up hope when we have a setback. That is the nature of the illness. Setbacks are a part of life for anyone. We cannot allow depression to tell us that the setback is proof that our healing journey is in vain.
How to Challenge Negative Thoughts During Depression Recovery
Part of this requires self-talk. We need to talk back to depression. We need to turn the thoughts depression is screaming at us on their heads. Easier said than done. I will be the first to admit that. Self-talk scripts can help with this. We can plan for moments when setbacks seem to be our reality. We might keep notes with words to say to depression’s thoughts. A simple thing we can start with is “No, I will not listen to these thoughts.” We can tell depression, “This is just a setback. I am still on the healing journey.” Our words can also be thought specific. If depression says that having suicidal thoughts is proof that we are giving up, we can say something like, “These are just thoughts. My story is not over.” The idea is to refute, even if just in a small way, whatever depression is telling our thoughts to say to us.
Asking for Help Is Part of Healing From Depression
Another important way to counter thoughts that tell us a setback is proof that we are not healing is to ask for help. Reaching out for help is a sign that we are healing. It is a sign that we have a strength that depression does not want us to possess. Asking for help can be difficult. Maybe all we can say is “I am not okay.” We might just be able to tell a mental health provider or friend that we are struggling. That is okay. Just doing this much is proof that the setback is not the final destination. We are showing that we are still on the healing journey. Even if we say something like, “I am not sure I am strong enough,” we are trying to heal. It is okay to allow our mental health providers to reach out and guide us in these times. Sometimes healing is just uttering the words, “I need help.”
Finding Support and Treatment for Depression
After we express a need for help, we can allow ourselves to trust. This takes effort, but it shows we are still healing. Our mental health providers can step in and provide the support and guidance we need to be talk back to the thoughts that are trying to throw us off the healing journey. Sometimes it is more than just talking back to the thoughts. We are likely to need some form of mental health treatment. It might be therapy, medication, or other treatment like TMS, esketamine or ECT. There is nothing wrong with needing these. They are a part of being on the healing process.
What Living with Depression Has Taught Me About Setbacks
As I write all this, I find myself thinking about how long I have been on the healing journey. I am approaching 40 years of living with depression and anxiety. I find myself asking when depression is going to shut up. This is a question I ask myself often. Sometimes I think about how I have written so much on this blog, but I still struggle. I have offered advice, but I need to hear and take that advice myself. Does all this mean that setbacks are getting in the way of my healing journey? If I go back to what I said earlier, a setback is not the final destination, I know that the setbacks are not getting in the way. They are bumps in the road. I have learned strategies like self-talk, to deal with depression’s thoughts and to tell the thoughts that I am still healing.
Keep Going: Your Depression Recovery Journey Is Not Over
The thing about depression and other mental illnesses is that they are illnesses. They need to be treated. Depression is not an illness that just disappears. Living with depression requires us to accept that we are on a journey that may last throughout our lifetimes. Setbacks are a part of life. Depression likes to use setbacks to control us, but we if we remind ourselves that setbacks are not the final destination, we can continue on the healing journey and tell depression to go to hell.
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