Recently, I saw something that said, “If you can’t change a situation, change your perception of it.” The power of this statement struck me. I found myself thinking about how I could apply it in my life. I also thought about the ways depression takes away my ability change my perception of situations. Depression clouds our perception of situations, and even the words of others. How do we learn to tell depression to take a backseat and let us do the work we need to do when a difficult situation arises?
Understanding Perception: How Depression Changes the Way We See the World
Let’s start by defining perception. The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary provides several definitions. For the purposes of our discussion, I think the definition that fits best is “a capacity for comprehension or understanding.” Perception is the state of being aware. We perceive all day long. Every second there is something going on around us. We have constant interactions whether with another person or with the environment. Depression can skew those perceptions. When the dark, heavy thoughts of depression are at the forefront of our minds, our perception of an interaction is going to be affected.
How Depression Distorts Our Perception of Everyday Situations
The first level of perception might be whether something is safe or not. It could also be whether something is good or bad. Something that is safe or good might not be perceived that way by the brain heavy with depression. The negatives creep in when we are depressed. What might be a safe interaction causes alarm or questioning. A conversation that is positive might be perceived as something entirely different because the depressed brain is looking for the negatives. It is telling us that something is not a good situation.
Some examples might make this clearer. A friend comments that we look good. The depressed brain might perceive that as us not looking good on other days. Someone tells us something we did bothered them. The depressed brain might think we have ruined the relationships. Sometimes a person living with depression thinks in extremes. It is difficult to take things at their literal meaning. Depression colors our perception, and usually it is not a good color.
When Depression Influences How We Interpret Social Situations
What about situations that are more than a simple comment. I will use an example from my own life. Since I understand what happens to me the best, I think I can make one work as an example.
A few weeks ago, I went to my high school reunion. I looked around and saw everyone getting excited when the saw someone. People were hugging and laughing. I recognized very few people. I didn’t know what to say to the people I did recognize. I clung to the friend I had gone with. My anxiety rose and started telling myself how terrible I am in social situations. The words I was telling myself were expressing my perception of the situation. I perceived not being comfortable in a restaurant with unfamiliar people as meaning that I was terrible at being social. My perception was that I would not be able to talk to anyone and that I should not have gone. What if I had changed my perception? What if I told myself that others were just as uncomfortable as I was? I could have changed my perception and told myself that I just needed a little time to get comfortable. Instead, my perception allowed depression into my thoughts. I beat myself up. I could not get myself to interact. I left early. I missed out on talking to people I hadn’t seen in over three decades because I perceived myself as being unable to interact.
Recognizing When Depression Is Clouding Our Perspective
I have had many experiences where my perception of a situation has been misinterpreted by the depression I live with. These misperceptions have left me with all sorts of negative emotions. I know I need to work on changing my perceptions of situations. But how do I do that? How do others do that?
9 Strategies for Changing Your Perspective When Living with Depression
We have seen misperception in action. Now, let’s figure out how we change our perception of a situation when depression is taking over. It is not easy to change our perceptions and will take some work. We need to be willing to do that work. We also need to recognize that sometimes we will be successful, and other times we will struggle. The important part is the trying. Here are some steps we can take:
· Recognize that depression is influencing our thoughts – Depression can act as a filter we see the world through. It can change what normally would be a minor disappointment into a major failure. When we are faced with a situation that is making us feel like this, we can ask ourselves if we are seeing the situation as it really is, or if we are seeing it through the lens of depression. When we recognize that depression is clouding a situation, we can work to create distance between our perception and our feelings.
· Challenge negative thoughts - Negative thoughts often become automatic when you live with depression. They are our brain’s go-to. To challenge these thoughts, we can ask ourselves questions like:
o What evidence do I have that this is true?
o Is there another way to interpret what happened?
o Am I assuming the worst?
o Would I think this way about someone I care about?
o Am I looking at the entire situation or only focusing on one negative piece?
· Separate feelings from facts – While our feelings are real, they do not always accurately depict a situation. Examples include feeling like a burden doesn’t mean we are one. Other examples include feeling unwanted doesn’t mean no one wants us around and feeling like a failure doesn’t mean we are one. We shouldn’t dismiss our feelings, but we need to leave room for another interpretation. We can tell ourselves: “My feelings are valid, but they are not always an accurate reflection of reality.”
· Look for gray areas – When we live with depression, we often think in extremes. We can try looking for a middle ground to situations. For example, a difficult conversation, doesn’t mean the other person is angry with us. Making a mistake doesn’t make us a failure. We need to look for the gray areas, the in between. What happens if we try to find the middle ground and recognize that the extremes are not reality.
· Consider other possible explanations – We assign meaning to things that happen to us. We do this almost immediately without thinking. When we live with depression, we usually assign a negative meaning right away. We need to work on giving ourselves permission to consider other explanations. If someone speaks harshly to us, it doesn’t automatically mean they are angry with us or that they hate us. It might be that they are having a bad day or that something that happened was troubling to them, We may not know what is going on with the other person. We do not automatically need to assign the negative meaning.
· Practice self-compassion – Those of us living with depression know that we can be our harshest critic. We can be incredibly hard on ourselves. We need to try to change the way we talk to ourselves. We can use words like: “I’m dealing with something difficult, and I’m doing the best I can,” “That was a difficult conversation, and we both needed to be heard,” and “I don’t need to accomplish everything today.” We want to try to treat ourselves and talk to ourselves the way we would talk to a loved one or friend.
· Don’t make a permanent conclusion based on temporary feelings – This is difficult, especially when the depression is heavy. We might have an interaction with someone and feel like everything has changed for the worse because of the interaction. That is often not true. Sometimes we just need a little space or time to reassess the situation. What happens in the heat of a moment is usually not reality. Rather, it is a result of making quick judgements. An example might be having a bad day and thinking tomorrow will be just as bad and nothing will improve. Sometimes it is best to postpone making judgements until we have had a little space and had a chance to think about things. We can wait until we are feeling more settled or at ease before making judgements.
· Look for small things that offer a different perspective – When we are depressed, it usually difficult to see beyond the moment or situation. We do not need to change our entire outlook. Instead, we can look for little opportunities to shift our attention. Maybe we spend some time outside or listen to music that soothes us. We can talk with someone we trust. We can try an activity that we find enjoyable. Doing these things won’t change the situation, but they can help give us the space we need to see things differently.
· Give ourselves permission to see things differently over time – It is by no means easy to change our perceptions. There will be some days where it is easier than others. There will be days when depression makes it impossible to change our perception. That is okay. The goal is to recognize when depression is influencing our perception and to take steps to create distance from those thoughts and do small things to step in the direction of changing our thoughts.
Learning to Challenge Depression and Change Our Perspective
Depression doesn’t tell the truth. It tries to make us feel bad. It wants us to see the
negative. It is difficult to battle this. That is why we need to work on these things in therapy. We need to set up strategies to use on our own. We can have reminder notes posted somewhere in our personal spaces. We can keep a list of strategies on the Notes app on our phones. We can reach out to our mental health teams when we are struggling. The goal is not to erase all negative situations. Rather, the goal is to learn to cope with negative situations in the safest way for us.
We Don't Have to Face Difficult Situations Alone
Right now, I am struggling with some difficult situations. I know I need to take the advice I have shared here. I also know how hard that is. So, if you are struggling, know that you are not alone. We can work through the difficult situations together.
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