Today has been a struggle. Actually, I have struggled more than I would like to admit recently. I shared with one of the psychiatric nurse practitioners, who is a part of my mental health team, that I was tired of the depression and anxiety I have been dealing with. As we talked, I could not help thinking how depression and anxiety tear me down and make question if I will ever not live with depression and anxiety. I mentioned that I was worried that I would always struggle and that I was stuck not seeing a way out. She reflected to me that maybe there is a cement floor to our healing. We just need to be on our own cement floor. That floor is going be at a different height at different times. There are times when we need help seeing what okay means for us. That is where mental health professionals play a vital role. I think sometimes I lose sight of that and try telling myself I should be able to fight this on my own. That does not work.
Today was one of those days I needed to hear the words of one of my mental health professionals lifting me, reassuring me, and allowing me to feel that I was okay. I have been open about my struggles with depression and anxiety on this blog. I have lived with depression for damn near 40 years. I have learned to have hope over the years. Still, there are days when the anxiety and depression are in control, days when they suck the life out of me, and days when I just do not have enough in me to put on a happy face. The saying it’s okay not to be okay needs to be embraced on days like this. If we do not embrace it, we cannot get through all that depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses throw at us.
I think there is something to that cement floor idea. The cement floor is our baseline. It is where we are when we are okay. We may have days where we go down. Those are the days when depression and anxiety gain control. It is as if we take an elevator down to a not-so-good feeling. But if we can go down, it makes sense that we must be able to go back up. We just need to find the right button on the elevator. That is where therapy, medication, and other treatments, like TMS and esketamine, play an important role. They help us push the button that gets us back to that concrete floor where we are okay. If the elevator can go down, it can go up allowing us to have good days. The concrete floor is our base. When we go down, we need to remember that is okay to be on a lower floor, or to not be okay. With support we ride back up to being okay and at times, better than okay.
When we live with depression and anxiety it helps to have support. I am lucky that I have tremendous support. I have the support I need on days like today when it is all just a little too much. I am grateful that I have people to lean on and grateful they have taught me that it’s oaky not to be okay. I know there are people who do not have the support I have. It is my hope that we can find a way as a society to make mental health a larger priority and provide everyone with the support they need.
I also hope that this cement floor/elevator metaphor provides encouragement for others who are struggling. Our cement floor is always there. We just need to remember that if we are taken on a ride down in the elevator, we can always push the button and get the support we need to ride back up to our cement floor.
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