Today I heard a song that I have probably heard before, but it made me start thinking. We had a movie on for our students during lunch. They wanted to watch Toy Story, which I also found interesting because I do not teach little kids. I teach 16–20-year-olds at a continuation high school. I think their movie choice shows that kids need a chance to be kids no matter how old they are.
Back to the purpose of this post. I am not sure what the title of the song is. The lyric I heard was “you’ve got a friend in me.” Don’t we all need a friend? Maybe that is why my students chose this movie. No matter where we are in life we all just need a friend.
What if we are that friend and our friend needs our support with their mental health? This is an important question. The mental health stigma that exists in our society can prevent us from checking in our friends and loved ones. We might feel unprepared to help when there is a need. We might not know how to ask if they need help.
Today I would like to look at a question we can ask and how we can go deeper. When we notice a friend is struggling or that they seem different, we can and should ask, “Are you okay?” The person may tell us how they are doing. They may shrug us off. It is up to us as friends to ask the next question. When a person says they are okay, we can usually tell if they are just saying that. There was a reason we asked if they were okay in the first place. So, our next question should be, “are you really okay?” At this point it is important that we are willing to listen to the answer. We want to encourage our friend to be honest about how they are doing.
Let me get personal for a second. If someone asks me if I am okay when I am struggling, I am very likely to say that I am okay. “I’m okay,” is a phrase that I have used more times than I can count. It is the easy way out. If I do not want to talk about how I am feeling or feel like no one can do anything, I am just going to say that I am okay. If someone pushes a little, I might be willing to open up. I think a lot of us living with mental illness are more willing to open up if someone cares enough to really question us about how we are doing and is willing to stay for the answer.
So, how do we stay for the answer when we ask a person if they are really okay? The most important thing is that we listen. We do not need to have all the answers. We need to allow the person to feel heard. We do not need to speak at first. Let the person share what they are feeling and what they are going through. Once they have shared, reflect back to them what you have heard in a gentle tone. You might say, “I hear you saying that…” This shows that you have heard what they have said. You do not need to repeat everything they said. You just need to let them know you heard them.
The next step is to offer support. Ask them what they need from you. They might need you to listen or they might need you to connect them with professional support. It is important that you ask them what they need. Often, those of us living with mental illness know what support we need. There are times when we cannot find the words to express what we need. If the person cannot tell you who or what they need to be connected with you will need to determine if the person is in immediate danger of harming themselves or others. If this is the case, you should call 911 for help. Do not leave the person alone. If the person is not in danger, the 988 Lifeline is the best way to get assistance. The line is answered by trained individuals who can connect you to the appropriate services.
The important thing is to be a friend. Let your friend know, “you’ve got a friend in me.” Be the person sitting next to them holding the umbrella during the storm. If a friend says they are okay and you suspect they are not, ask, “are you really okay?” There will be times when a person will still insist that they are okay. In that case, you can say something like, “Well, I am here if you need to talk.” Sometimes that is enough to let the person know you care. As I said in the beginning of this post, we all need a friend.
No comments:
Post a Comment