Self-Compassion for Depression

                  Depression tears people down.  We live with painful thoughts.  Our minds often fixate on the negative. We tend to see darkness all around us.  Living like this is not easy.  Therapy, medication, and alternative treatments help, but depression is always lurking. How do we live with this darkness?  How do we get through our day-to-day lives? Having a support person or team helps, but we need to play a role in our healing, too.  One of the most effective ways to do this is practice self-compassion.

                  What is compassion? The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines compassion as “sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.”  Most people are able to show compassion to others.  The difficulty arises when we need to show that same compassion to ourselves.  I know I struggle with being compassionate toward myself.  I don’t give myself the grace I need to feel good about myself. Depression tries to quash self-compassion. It fills us with negative thoughts; tells us all that is wrong with us. How do we learn to be show ourselves compassion?  I wish I had an easy answer. If I did, I would be better at talking back to my depression.  

                  I think self-compassion starts with how we talk to ourselves.  Practicing positive affirmations can be helpful with this.  I think it is helpful to write these down, perhaps on sticky notes.  That way you are reminded to use the affirmations.  I am not very good at this.  My mind gets going and I struggle to talk back to it.  I am going to try to place some affirmations around my house today. Realistically, I’ll probably only write a three or four, but that is a start. 

                  We need to acknowledge the painful thoughts that enter our minds. As we do this, we need to be kind to ourselves.  Perhaps, say something like, “I know I am struggling right now, but I am worthy of kindness.” No matter what our depression says, we do not deserve to feel bad.  We need to tell ourselves that we deserve love from ourselves and others. 

                  Talking back to the negative thoughts is hard.  I believe this is true for everyone no matter how confident they are.  It is especially hard for those of us who live with depression.  The voice of depression can be loud and domineering. But what if talking back to it could confuse the depression?  Would that quiet the depression enough for us to say something compassionate to ourselves? It is worth a try. 

                  Many of us have heard the advice, “be your own best friend.” On the surface this has always seemed like trite advice to me.  However, we really do need to be our own friend.  If we are going to talk to ourselves, we should talk to ourselves with the same compassion we would use when talking to a friend.  We deserve that compassion. Most of us would give a friend the grace to make a mistake or to feel down.  Why is it so hard to give ourselves the same grace? I wish I had an answer.  I just know that despite how hard it is, we need to find a way to do it. 

                  Self-compassion might be as simple as saying to ourselves that it is okay to feel the way we do.  When we talk to our mental health provider or take our medication or receive an alternative treatment, we are practicing self-compassion because we are doing what we need to do to fight the depression.  How much more powerful would these healing tools be if we also accepted our feelings without judgement?  

                  I have been working on talking back to thoughts in my head.  It is hard work, and I am not always successful.  Still, I keep trying.  I would encourage a friend to have positive thoughts.  I must do the same.  I try to find the good in a loved one.  I need to find the good in myself.  Depression is going to try to get in the way.  That is okay.  We need to keep getting back up.  There is a saying about it not being how many times you fall, but how many times you get up. 

                  Let’s give ourselves the gift of self-compassion.  Embrace yourself as you would embrace a loved one.  Remember, you are not your depression.  Depression lies.  That is how it controls us. Giving ourselves grace and love can fight the depression.  It can show us that we are worthy humans who deserve to feel good about ourselves.  

                  

                  

Physical Versus Mental Illness

                  Most of my life has been spent living with mental illness.  I know the ups and downs well.  The loneliness of mental illness is something I have felt intensely.  I have often hidden my mental illness to protect myself from stigma.  The platitudes that are spoken when someone finds out I have depression are seared into my mind.  Living with mental illness has frequently been a solitary battle.  Many times, I have feigned a physical illness to hide my mental illness from people who just don’t understand. 

                  I shouldn’t need to hide my mental illness.  No one should. Unfortunately, the society we live in still doesn’t understand that mental illness is an illness.  I will acknowledge that society has come a long way.  It is easier now than it was 30 years ago.  Still, it is a challenge to live with mental illness.

                  People understand when you have a physical illness.  When you are in bed with the flu, people will text you and tell you to feel better.  People are quick to assist someone in a cast or on crutches.  Sometimes flowers are sent, or a meal is brought to you.  These things usually don’t happen with mental illness. Often, people who know exactly how to empathize with someone who has a physical ailment, lacks the words to say to someone struggling with a mental illness like depression.  

                  I have experienced this discrepancy firsthand.  When I was diagnosed with cancer, I heard from so many people.  People rushed to help me.  People asked what they could do to help me.  Don’t get me wrong. I am very grateful for this.  I just wonder why the reaction was so different from my depression. Cancer and depression are both debilitating illnesses.  They both have left me fighting for my life.  Yet they are treated very differently.  

                  Maybe some of the difference lies in the visibility of the two illnesses.  Both are inside of me, but the cancer has outward signs like my hair loss, my weakness, and the changes to my skin.  Depression’s outward signs can be mistaken for me being quiet.  These two illnesses present themselves differently.  People know that cancer is a killer.  The mere mention of the word scares people.  The ability of depression to kill is often misinterpreted as a choice.  That couldn’t be further from the truth.  As someone who has struggled with suicidal thoughts, I can attest to the lack of choice I have over those thoughts.  

                  People hear that you have cancer, or another physical illness and they want to help.  When people hear that you have a mental illness, they often turn away because they don’t understand.  For us to reach a point where mental illness is treated with as much empathy as physical illness, we need to increase knowledge about mental illness.  In my case, I accept some of the blame.  I am guilty of hiding my mental illness.  I have covered it up by blaming something physical.  That doesn’t help grow understanding.  Over the years, and especially this past year, I have learned that I must be open about my mental illness. There is no reason to hide it.  As I have fought depression and cancer side by side, I have learned that both need attention; both require treatment. I know that both cancer and depression can take my life.  Some people in my life understand that I am battling two illnesses. They have been by my side and supported me in both battles.  My wish is that all people who are struggling with mental illness receive the support and understanding they need.  

                  People send cards and flowers when you have a physical illness.  It is time we normalize sending tokens of encouragement to people living with mental illness just as we would when they are living with physical illness.  For this to happen, people living with mental illness need to be willing to be more open.  They don’t have to share every aspect of their illness. It is enough to just acknowledge it.  I don’t tell people everything about my mental illness just as I don’t tell people everything about my cancer diagnosis, but I do acknowledge both.  Acknowledgement can go a long way towards encouraging support and understanding.  Illness, whether physical or mental, does not need to be battled alone. 

                  If you know someone who is living with illness, whether physical or mental, reach out to them.  Send them a card. Offer to help them with something.  Maybe just sit with them and be present. Ask them how you can support them.  Knowing someone cares will go a long way for someone living with illness. 

                  

 

You Are Not Your Mental Illness

Mental health problems don’t define who you are – they are something you experience. You walk in the rain, but you are not the rain.

                                                        -Matt Haig

 

                  I saw this quote on a NAMI California social media post.  It really speaks to me as someone has lived most of my life with mental illness.  Depression and anxiety are a part of me, but they do not define me.  It took a long time for me to understand this.  When mental illness plays a dominate role in your life it is often difficult to separate who you are from the illness that you are diagnosed with.  I am no more depression and anxiety than I am the cancer that I am also diagnosed with. These are illnesses.  They impact how I live my life, but they do not determine who I am. 

                  Depression and anxiety make feeling good about myself difficult.  At times these illnesses affect the choices I make, but I am still making the choices.  I experience difficulties with my mood.  A cloud of darkness often hangs over me because of the depression.  My mood is often low, and I struggle to be a part of things. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to engage with others.  Just like heart disease might prevent people from exerting themselves, depression at times prevents me from engaging with others.  It is a part of the illness.  I want to be a part of the life that goes on around me.  Depression, the illness, prevents me from doing so.  

                  In the same way that I am not cancer, I am not depression.  It is an illness I experience; an illness that impacts me. There are days when the depression is not as apparent.  There are days when I can act as if the depression is not lurking inside of me. Depression like the cancer cells is inside of me, but it doesn’t always make itself apparent to the outside world.  I have some control over what the people around me see.  By no means do I have total control. On the days when the depression is expressing itself more, I tend to hide myself within my home.  Still, I am not the depression.  It is impacting how I live, but not who I am.

                  Don’t get me wrong, depression and other mental illnesses impact us in ways we cannot always control.  Mental illnesses can drive us to isolate, to act out in pain, to be overcome with anxiety.  These illnesses ring loud in our brains.  At times they are debilitating. I think that is true of any illness.  Having cancer has taught me that there is a similarity present in illnesses.  I can have good moments and I can have bad moments with both illnesses.  At no time am I my illnesses.  

                  Haig refers to walking in the rain, but not being the rain.  I get it.  I walk with depression, but I am not depression. This is where person first language is important. I am a person with depression.  I am a person with anxiety. I walk with depression alongside of me. It affects me, causes me to struggle, but I am not depression. Possession does not equate to being. I have depression.  I am not depression. When we focus on ourselves as individuals, we push the illness to the background and move ourselves to the foreground.  We are not our mental illnesses just as we are not our physical illnesses.  

                  Another aspect of this quote that struck me is Haig’s choice of walking in the rain as an image.  We usually think of rain as being dark and gloomy. Certainly, mental illness can be dark and gloomy.  I have lived with this darkness.  I understand the comparison between rain and mental illness. At the same time there is beauty in rain.  Without rain, trees and flowers wouldn’t grow.  We would be thrust into drought.  I believe that despite the darkness, there is beauty in depression.  It has brought people into my life that have enhanced who I am. Writing about depression has given me purpose.  This blog was born of the darkness of depression, but it offers hope. There are people with depression and other mental illnesses who are achieving amazing things. Depression is a dark cloud, but even rain clouds clear at times.  

                  We are not our illnesses.  We are people living with illness. That requires strength.  We walk in the rain of mental illness, but rainbows emerge after the rain.  I hope to focus on the rainbow that is hiding behind my depression. 

                  

 

 

Signs You Might Need to Talk to a Therapist

                Therapy.  The word conjures up many misleading ideas   There is stigma attached to therapy.  Often, people hide the fact that they go to therapy because of this stigma.  We need to break down the stigma.  Going to therapy should be as normalized as going to the gym or a yoga session for physical health.  Seeing a therapist should be seen as just as important as seeing a doctor for physical health. 

                  I have been in therapy all my adult life.  You may wonder if it works why do I have to continue to go.  I have a mental illness.  It needs to be treated.  Therapy is part of my treatment.  I work on different things with my psychologist.  As my journey with depression continues, I find that I need support with different things. Therapy provides that support.  It is a vital part of my treatment.  

                  What are some signs that seeing a therapist might be beneficial to you?  Having a mental health diagnosis is one sign.  Although not everyone with a mental illness finds it necessary to work with a therapist.  As with physical illnesses, mental illness is individualized, and treatment plans can vary from person to person.  

Some reasons to consider therapy include:

 

·      Depression

·      Anxiety

·      Feeling overwhelmed

·      Overwhelming emotions

·      Loss of interest in activities

·      Anger

·      Relationship issues/struggles

·      Mood affecting relationships and/or work

·      Grief

·      A specific phobia

·      Isolation

·      Destructive behaviors

·      Substance abuse

 

 

The above are just some reasons a person might need to consider therapy.  People

go to therapy for many reasons.  Sometimes it is short-term.  Other times it can be for longer periods.  Again, it is based on the individual.  

                  How do you get in to see a therapist?  One way is to talk to your primary care provider and ask for a referral.  You can also do a Google search for therapists in your area and start making calls to see who has openings for new patients.  It might be necessary to call your insurance provider and ask for a list of therapists in their network.  If you don’t have insurance, there are many therapists who don’t deal with insurance.  You can also contact NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) for help finding a therapist.  If you are in a crisis situation, call 988, the mental health hotline.

 

                  What should you look for in a therapist?

 

                  I consider myself lucky because I have a great therapist. He is a psychologist.  Some therapists are psychologists.  Some are MFTs.  See my post my March 7^th post – Different Types of Mental Health Professionals for more information on the different types of therapists.  

                  A good therapist will listen to you.  They will give you the space to talk.  Therapists use different strategies to help you work on what you need.  You want a therapist you feel comfortable with. You should feel safe with your therapist.  Setting goals is an important part of therapy.  It is also important to have a therapist who is willing to work as part of a team, especially if you also have a psychiatrist or if your primary care provider is involved in your mental health.  I have found the team approach to be vital to my journey.  

                  Only you can determine if the therapist is right for you.  There is nothing wrong with deciding you need a different therapist if you feel one isn’t right for you.  It is important that you feel comfortable enough to open up to your therapist. If you can’t be open with your therapist, you won’t receive the benefits you need from therapy.  

                  I would be lost without my psychologist.  The therapy relationship is an important aspect of my treatment.  I know that I can talk to him about anything.  My comfort level allows me to trust, which in turn allows me to heal.  I know I can contact him when I am n crisis. Trust is key to the patient/therapist relationship.  

                  As I mentioned at the beginning, there is a stigma attached to therapy.  The more we normalize going to therapy, the more we can break down that stigma.  If you find yourself in need of therapy, please reach out and find a therapist.

 

May Is Mental Health Awareness Month

                It is Mental Health Awareness Month, a time where we step up the awareness of mental health issues.  For me, every month is Mental Health Awareness Month.  I even have a t-shirt with that sentiment on it.  When you live with a mental illness there is no month off.  There is no being unaware of mental health.  It lives with you.  It is not who you are, but it is a large part of your life.

                  This month you will see more social media posts about mental health.  More people will share their stories.  Hopefully, more people will get the help and support they need.  Raising awareness must include getting more people the help they need.  Conversations about mental health are encouraged in May, but really, they need to be encouraged all year long.  Thankfully, conversations are now being held more often. Organizations like NAMI promote mental health and awareness about mental illness all year long.  There are mental health advocates all over social media. That is what we need.

                  There are many simple things we can do during Mental Health Awareness Month.  One simple thing we can do is check in our friends and loved ones.  Ask them how they are doing.  Listen beyond the quick “okay” response.  As someone with depression and anxiety, my go to response is “okay” when someone asks how I am doing.  Okay can mean so many things.  It may mean the person is fine.  It may also mean “I’m struggling, but I don’t want to bother you with what I am feeling.” 

                  There are alternatives to just asking “How are you?”.  I read an article on CNBC, “Don’t Say ‘How are you?’ Ask these 8 questions instead, says expert: ‘You’ll get a genuine response’”.  (https://www.cnbc.com/2023/04/14/dont-say-how-are-you-ask-these-questions-instead-says-happiness-and-relationship-expert.html) Here are the questions:

                  

·      How are you really?

·      How are you doing right now?

·      What’s been on your mind lately?

·      If you were being completely honest with me, how would you describe your feelings lately?

·      What’s feeling good, and what’s feeling hard?

·      What word would describe your life right now?

·      The last time we talked, you were dealing with [X problem]. How has that been lately?

·      What question do you wish someone would ask you right now?

 

When you ask these questions listen to the response.  Really listen.  Maybe repeat

the response back to the person to check that you understood.  Listen to their response.  You don’t have to have answers.  The important part is listening. Let the person share.  If appropriate, ask clarifying questions or questions that allow the person to delve deeper.  You don’t have to be a therapist to listen to a loved one or friend.  Knowing that someone is interested in how they are doing can really help people.  As you are listening you are showing the person that they matter to you.  Let them know you hear them and that they are important to you.  

                  Asking how a person is doing in this manner is a great way to make Mental Health Awareness Month more meaningful. Just remember that you need to continue beyond May.  This month is about getting conversations about mental health started.  It is a steppingstone to increasing our awareness that people live with struggles, whether a diagnosed mental illness or just a rough patch.  

                  Another thing you can do during this month is attend a mental health event.  NAMI offers many.  A simple Google search or maybe a search on Eventbrite should yield suggestions.  I am going to NAMI Walks on May 4^th.  It is hosted by NAMI GLAC (https://namiglac.org/).  

Try going to your local bookstore and getting a book on some aspect of mental health.  My most recent book, Traveling the Healing Journey: Finding the Light in Mental Illness is a memoir of living life with a mental illness. My book is a quick read and can be ordered in your local bookstore or on Amazon (Traveling the Healing Journey on Amazon)
  There are many books about mental health.  Add one to your To Be Read list.

You can also learn about 988, the mental health hotline.  Make it a point this month to familiarize yourself with this hotline and how it can help people with mental illness.  You never know when you might need it.  There is a saying, “Knowledge is power.”  Knowing about 988 could save a life.

Another thing you can do is recognize a mental health professional.  National Mental Health Provider Day is May 12.  If you have a provider acknowledge them for this day.  Let them know how they affect your life.  

Look for posts about mental health on social media.  Share a couple.  By doing this you are raising awareness about mental health.  We all share memes and other posts.  Give that sharing some meaning.

If you live with mental illness, try some different self-care practices this month.  I plan to try Tai Chi.  I am hoping it will ease some of my anxiety.  What can you try? 

Mental Health Awareness Month is just starting.  I encourage you to do something.  Start with checking in on someone.  You never know the difference you can make.  

Finding the Right Psychiatrist for You

                  Last July I wrote about finding the right therapist.  As I was going through my posts a question entered my mind. How do you find the right psychiatrist?  I have had a few psychiatrists over the years.  It took a long time to find the right one. I spent a lot of time seeing psychiatrists that were not the right fit for me.  This is not to say they were not good at their profession.  I just did not click the right way with them.  

I spent over ten years with one of those wrong psychiatrists.  That shows It can be difficult to build a true psychiatrist/patient relationship.  It took a primary care physician’s assistant to show me how fractured the relationship with my psychiatrist at that time was.  I am sure this psychiatrist was good for many of her patients. Unfortunately, she either didn’t see what I needed, or she overlooked it to remain in her comfort zone.

I am sure I could do a Google search for what to look for in a good psychiatrist. You could to.  I think it is more important to speak from my own experience. As many of you know I have lived with depression and anxiety since I was a young teenager.  That is over about 37 years of living with mental illness.  During that time my illness has presented itself in ways that have needed the care of a psychiatrist.  I actually didn’t see a psychiatrist until I was well into my 20s.  Before that I either dealt with it on my own or therapists and general practitioners provided my care.  

I didn’t feel comfortable with my first psychiatrist, but she connected me with the psychologist who has guided me through therapy since.  I am grateful for that. Other psychiatrists were what I would refer to as pill-pushers.  The answer to every issue my mental illness created was a new pill or an increased dosage of one I was already taking.  This didn’t work for me. 

Good psychiatrists listen to patients before writing prescriptions.  Throwing medication at a mental illness without listening to the patient is not good practice.  I have had psychiatrists who would start writing on their prescription pad or pharmacy app before I had even taken a seat. That is not good practice.  In my case it resulted in me becoming overmedicated and addicted to one medication.  That psychiatrist never even noticed.  

I am not saying that medication is not an important part of the treatment of mental illness.  I just believe that medications that are prescribe must serve to heal the patient and help that patient live with the illness.  All patients deserve time from their provider.  The best psychiatrists understand this.  They treat their patients with respect and empathy.  There should be clear, open conversations about medications that include the purpose of the medication, how it works, and what the benefits and side effects are.  

I believe a psychiatrist needs to have a conversation with the patient in order to know the right medication to prescribe.  As I look back on my experience with one of my former psychiatrists I wonder if she was just prescribing whatever pharmaceutical reps brought to her that week.  She would prescribe a new medication before I even said how I was feeling or what I was experiencing.  

I had another psychiatrist who wouldn’t even look up at me.  I would walk in, and he would say, “what do you need refilled?” Then would say he’d see me in month.  Appointment over and I hadn’t said a word. I hope he was an extreme case.  

Sometimes I think I should have known better.  Neither one of these psychiatrists were good for me.  I need to know why I am taking a medication.  I need my psychiatrist to know what I am experiencing because of my mental illness.  I need to be heard.  I need a psychiatrist who understands medications don’t really work for me.  Luckily, several years ago, I found that psychiatrist.  Finding her was life changing.  I am in better place with my mental illness than I have ever been.  That doesn’t mean I am healed or beyond my mental illness.  I still battle depression and anxiety, but I have a psychiatrist who listens to me and understands what works for me as an individual.  

Here are some traits that I believe make a great psychiatrist.  Here’s a short list:

 

·      Listens first.

·      Doesn’t jump to the prescription pad.

·      Asks questions about how mental illness is affecting the person.

·      Engages in conversation with eye contact.

·      Includes the patient in the treatment plan.

·      Shows genuine interest in the patient and their healing.

·      Remembers previous conversations and follows up.

 

These are just some of the qualities that make a psychiatrist great.  As I said I could

have searched for these traits on Google.  I didn’t need to.  I described my psychiatrist.  After years of floundering with the wrong psychiatrists, I am now with a psychiatrist who sees me for who I am. She understands me and treats me with respect.  Her support has allowed me to grow even though I live with mental illness.  She supports my efforts to heal.  I think she has read every one of my blog posts, which encourages me to keep writing even when my blog isn’t getting the number of readers I want.

As a patient it is important to feel comfortable with your psychiatrist.  It is just as important to be confident in your psychiatrist.  There must be trust.  I trust my psychiatrist to make the right decisions for me because I know she is valuing my input on those decisions.  

A great psychiatrist also is able work as part of a team.  When it was time for me to try transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) and when I tried ketamine treatment, my psychiatrist welcomed the providers who oversee that treatment.  This gives me a team overseeing my mental health.  Likewise, when I was diagnosed with cancer, my psychiatrist spoke with my oncologist so that they were on the same page with understanding how my mental health affected my physical health.  A great psychiatrist is willing to be a part of a team. 

You may wonder where I found my psychiatrist.  I found her name on the list provided by my health insurance company of psychiatrists in their network. I scanned the names and marked a few whose names jumped out at me.  Then I looked for those psychiatrists on-line.  Something about the description of my psychiatrist jumped out at me.  I couldn’t tell you what that was because it was just a sense I had.  I picked up the phone and asked if she was taking on new patients.  Luckily, for me, she was. I felt comfortable from appointment one. Several years later, I am doing my best as I live with depression and anxiety.  Having the right psychiatrist makes a difference.

If you are seeing a psychiatrist, I would encourage you to evaluate your relationship with that person.  If there are things you would like changed, voice your concerns.  You may find that is not enough.  In that case, start looking for someone who will meet your needs.  It takes effort.  Sadly, that is difficult when you live with mental illness, but it can be done.  Consider asking a loved one or friend for help.  Ask your therapist or primary care provider to recommend someone.  Remember you are worthy of having a psychiatrist who meets your needs and who sees you as a whole person. Those psychiatrists are out there.  

 

 

 

 

                  

Things to Be Proud of When You Have a Mental Illness

                  Living with a mental illness is not easy.  It is often a struggle. Days and nights can be rough.  Often, it is difficult to recognize the positives in life.  In my own personal experience, depression leads me to get down on myself frequently.  My view of myself is clouded by the depression.  It is tough to recognize when I do something well.  This is common with depression and other mental illnesses.  

                  One thing I have learned is that I need to try to recognize the positives even if they are small.  This is not an easy task, but it can make a huge difference.  When you live with depression some days it is hard to just get out of bed or take a shower.  As simple as it may sound getting out of bed can be something to be proud when you are depressed.  For me sometimes I should give myself credit for just going from my bed to my recliner in the morning.  It seems little, but it can take a lot of mental effort.  

                  As I consider things to be proud of when living with a mental illness, I think of how wide the range of accomplishments really are.  At times just getting out of bed is a huge accomplishment.  Other times working a full day or full week can be an accomplishment.  There were many times in my career when I felt I just couldn’t get through a day at work.  Unfortunately, it is only now in hindsight that I am able to recognize what an accomplishment it was to work full-time while living with depression and anxiety.   There are days I don’t know how I made it through.  Looking back, I should have taken more mental health days.  I should have given myself credit for being able to work.  I can look back now and be proud, but in the midst of it, I didn’t know I could be proud.  That is why I feel it is important to write about this now.  I want others to know that people with mental illness do so much that they can and should be proud of.  

                  It starts with the little things.  Maybe just getting dressed is an accomplishment some days.  Going for a walk or washing a couple of dishes can be a huge achievement.  Because depression weighs so heavy on people, it is important to take things step-by-step. If you have a sink full of dishes, maybe you can wash one glass and one plate.  That is a start and can be something to be proud of doing.  It is in the small steps that we move toward bigger things.  There have been days where I have looked at something that needs to be cleaned and thought, “I just can’t do that.”  That is okay.  Maybe I pick up one thing.  Or put one thing away.  With depression, those can be accomplishments.

                  Other accomplishments might be practicing one skill your therapist suggested you work on between appointments.  Even if you do it just once, you are making progress. Remembering to take your medication can be an accomplishment.  Sitting in the sunshine or walking around the block are accomplishments.  Sometimes finding the strength to tell a thought to stop is a huge accomplishment.  There are so many things in our lives that require effort when we have depression.  We don’t need to be perfect.  We just need to make attempts.  If we don’t get things done, that is okay.  Depression is an illness, and it makes life difficult.  

                  Maybe you need someone on the outside to help you see your accomplishments and help you recognize that there are things in your life you can be proud of doing.  For me it helps when my mental health team points something out.  Often, I have difficulty seeing that I am making progress because the depression can be so dark and all-consuming.  I find myself leaning on their words to build my confidence.  Perhaps, a friend or family member can fill this role for you.  Talking about your struggles and accomplishments in a support group can be beneficial.  In a support group you are sharing with others who understand what you are going through and leaning on that support can make a difference.  

                  Being proud of yourself is not easy.  I struggle with it.  With help I am learning to be proud of the little things.  You can, too.  Break life down into smaller chunks.  We don’t have to accomplish the big things in one attempt. Some days are going to be harder than others.  On mornings when just getting out of bed is an accomplishment, take it. Acknowledge it.  Say, “I feel like crap, but I got out of bed.”  Whatever the accomplishment is be proud and acknowledge it.  Remember accomplishments are going to look different at various times.  Depression’s grip can be stronger some days than other days.  Take each moment independently.  I know this is not easy.  As I said, I still struggle with it.  That is the nature of depression.  It tries to take joy away from us.  Steal a bit of that joy back by being proud of even the smallest accomplishment.  That will make room for bigger ones.